


Onions

by raiseyourpinky



Series: Onions Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Doctor Castiel, Doctor Sexy M.D., Drunk Dean, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pizza Man - Freeform, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:33:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 53,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1059079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiseyourpinky/pseuds/raiseyourpinky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is the pizza man who delivers onion pizzas to Castiel, the new doctor in town. An unlikely friendship evolves into something more, but Dean is reluctant to be open about his relationship with Castiel. So Dean drinks and eats pizza until it all falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Dean, you've got three more deliveries for the night," Chuck announced, while scribbling down in his regular notepad.

Dean sighed, impatiently waiting for the pizzas to be packed and ready for the road.

Having this job didn't make Dean happy in the slightest. Not even the ever so often generous tips from the customers made the job worthwhile. He took on the job when no one would hire him after high school. So he might have dropped out two months before his senior year ended and gotten himself a GED instead, but that should not have gotten in the way of getting a real job.

He could hear his pain in the ass younger brother, Sammy, bugging him about actually applying for college, the community college a few miles into the next town. Sure, Dean would like to explore other areas of education, only if he could find the right career path to follow.

Being a mechanic had crossed his mind once or twice, but he gave that up as soon as he realized his dad was technically forcing him into it, and it had stopped being Dean's decision. His dad had gotten over it after a few weeks, though he told Dean he'd never get his job back at the Winchester Auto Shop (and plumbing)—because being a Winchester meant being able to take on every dirty job in the country.

"Dude, are you coming over Friday to watch my busty Asian beauties porn or what?" Ash said, shoving Dean aside behind the counter in the nearly empty Crusty Pizzeria they worked at.

Dean glared at him, squaring his shoulders in a defensive way, but Ash never took a hint. "I told you, man. Dudes don't watch porn together. That's just wrong."

Ash shrugged, chewing on the last bite of his stolen slice of pizza. Because they could get a forty percent discount on the straight-from-Italy- ingredients pizzas, but they could not get them for free. Ash knew this, and so did Dean, but that didn't stop them from ripping apart one of the last few pizzas made for the night and splitting it between them. Sometimes they would offer some to Chuck, or that bitchy girl, Bela, but they were usually too chicken to accept anything they hadn't paid for.

Crowley, the branch manager—also the strict son of a bitch who spent most of his time getting on everyone's murder list—appeared from behind the two of them, fiery eyes fixed on Ash.

The poor guy swallowed down his load of food, making it look painful. "Hi, Mr. McCloud. Working hard, or hardly working?"

Crowley made his usual terrifying growling noise at the back of his throat. It scared the shit out of Dean, but he wouldn't admit it to most people. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Not eating the company's pizza, that's for sure," Ash smiled faintly, seemingly fearless. Dean didn't understand how he could pull that off.

Crowley mumbled some mumbo jumbo in his thick British accent, shaking his head. "Bloody hell. All of you incompetent sabs are draining the world's resources. I wish you would all burn alive. Get back to work, you lazy bastards."

Dean thought he was being too kind today. Maybe he'd finally gotten some.

Ash nodded firmly. "Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir."

Crowley walked back into his office, and the whole room cooled off from his burning rage. The man could spend most of his day enraged at every single person who locked eyes with him. Just one of the many reasons Dean urgently wanted a better job.

Bela fist punched Dean's back. Dean turned around taken by surprise, but ready to attack, and became utterly disappointed at the fact that yep, Bela was still a girl. He could not hit girls, as much as he wanted to. And he swore to himself that one day, by some miracle of a heavenly angel, Bela would wake up a man, and he would get the extraordinary pleasure of kicking her ass until the next winter.

She formed a tight grin. One of those I-bet-you-can-hate-me-even-more smiles Dean hated. "Pizzas are ready," she leaned in to give him a quick peck on his lips, again, taking him by surprise.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dean seriously wondered.

Bela bit her lip seductively, because although Dean hated to admit it, she was hot. And not just to Sammy's standards, but his. Man, did he know how to pick them. Not that Dean liked Bela now, but at some point, he may have wanted to get in those lacey panties of hers. He hadn't seen them before, but he knew his women well enough to categorize them by underwear type.

She pushed the boxes of pizza to Dean. "Just get out. I can't stand the sight of your face."

Dean took the pizzas, heading toward the door. All he wanted was to finish his deliveries and go home after another long day at work.

"Wait, Dean," Chuck called after him. Dean hung his head, retracting his steps, back to the counter.

"Yeah?"

Chuck looked away from dean, a nervous reaction that Dean was used to. "Could you remind Sam about that…well, he said he would set me up with someone. And I was just ─"

"Sure, Chuck," Dean said, as nicely as possible, considering the size of his headache. "I'll let my brother know to get back to you soon on that."

Chuck smiled, bright and sincere. This is why Dean at least tried being nice to the guy. He had always been on his good side. Well, except for that one time he found a manuscript of a science fiction story he'd written about him and his brother sticking out of his backpack. Dean was a bit freaked out about that, actually thought he'd found his personal stalker, but once Chuck got over his nervous breakdown, he explained what the book was about. Dean had gotten to read it, and even it showed it to Sammy, who immediately became Chuck's number one fan. Since they were around the same age, they hung around together a lot. But ever since Sam had gotten himself a  _seemingly_  perfect girlfriend, they stopped talking much.

Dean had become their mediator, and he didn't like that at all.

Without further interruptions, he headed into his classic '67 Chevy Impala, otherwise known as Baby. Sam would tease him about his emotional relationship with his car, but he didn't bother to care. That car was his most precious belonging, the only thing that made him proud, and if showing affection for it was wrong, then he would never be right.

He was glad that for his last run of the night he could drive his own car, instead of that rusty old bug with the logo of the pizza place in big bright letters. Dean had to constantly suffer from extreme embarrassment by being caught driving that piece of crap.

He pulled over at the first two houses, earning himself ten bucks total. It wasn't so bad, though he expected something a little better from the third delivery. The house was on the rich side of town, right before their delivery meter would allow them to take their pizzas. The house was two stories high, glamorous just from the outside, but he could imagine what the inside looked like. He wondered what kind of lucky son of a bitch lived in it. He looked at the receipt in his hand, making sure he was at the right place with the right pizza.

The pizza was simple cheese with onions. He could easily picture the customer waiting the scrumptious meal in his hand. A lonely, horny teenager having to eat his/or her feelings. He took a deep breath, fixing his spikey hair. If he got to flirt a little with whoever was so willing to eat a bunch of onions and unable to kiss anyone, he could get a bigger tip.

He ringed the doorbell and waited with his Colgate smile and puckered, wet lips.

The door opened seconds later, and the person he found at the other side of the door broke any expectation.

The man was about an inch shorter than him, but man that was the last thing to notice about him. Those bright blue, intense eyes could hardly let him notice the bed hair, and those cheekbones. The man looked no more than thirty five, maybe younger, but he was definitely not a horny teenager, though Dean suddenly felt like one. His eyes took possession of him as they x-rayed the man from head to toes, widening at the sight of the shape of his desirable hips and the tempting set of hands next to them.

Dean gulped. "Pizza. It's here."

When was the last time he got this way over a guy? Junior high, maybe? He couldn't even remember his last name anymore. All his mind could process was that the pizza in his hand was not the only thing heating up his body.

The man smiled. He smiled and Dean could feel wobbly legs already. He had to smile back at him. The question was still there, though. How could he find a guy so fucking irresistible?

"I am quite aware of that. I prepaid for it online." The man spoke with such a rough and unexpected voice, making him intimidating, as well as even more…did Dean dare think it? Yeah, he was fucking sexy. He might as well have been gazing at Dr. Sexy M.D. on TV.

Dean gulped, chuckling like a fucking little girl. "Onions." His eyes opened even wider, and he shook his head. "No, wait, that's not what I meant."

The man laughed at him. "Here's a twenty. Thanks for the pizza. The delivery did not take as long as I imagined."

Somehow, they exchanged the pizza box for the money, and Dean could still not act like a normal human being.

"Good night," the man said, slowly shutting the door, but hesitating as he noticed Dean still hadn't moved. Right before the door was entirely closed, he opened it again, a worried look on his mind-numbing face. "Are you alright, Dean?"

Dean froze, heat flowing through every inch of his body. The man knew his name and it sounded like a hallelujah chorus as it escaped his lips. It only took a moment to look down at his shirt and glance at his nametag to solve that mystery. "Yes, I'm fine. I just. Tired, I guess."

The man formed a concerned look on his face, forming a crease on his forehead. "Would you like a glass of water, or something?"

Dean swallowed.  _Or something?_  No, he was not about to risk falling into temptation. He'd convinced himself of his clean record, and he could not break it. Who knows what his second brain would make him do if he stepped inside the man's house? Not that he was throwing himself at Dean, but it was more than likely Dean would at least attempt to hump one of his legs like a dog in heat.

"I better get home," he finally said, wiping a bit of sweat with his hand.

The man smiled again. Dean could focus better on his chapped, dry lips and how well he could possibly bring them to life again.

"I'll see you, then." The man shut the door, leaving Dean uncomfortably turned on, and unable to find a straight path to his Baby.

***

The drive back home was torture. As much as Dean usually loved this part of the night, when he could simply get home, lie down on his bed, play Zeppelin loud enough to infuriate Sammy, and tune in for Dr. Sexy M.D. reruns, tonight he had a worry that wouldn't let him enjoy any of it.

But Dean was a Winchester, and that meant not talking about your feelings. Not sharing with anyone what you were dealing with, those inner battles within him. Although, that didn't mean he wouldn't torment himself about it.

He dropped his keys on the table as he walked inside Sammy's and his new apartment. As soon as his little brother—well, more like overgrown moose brother—turned eighteen, and Dean and him had saved up enough, they'd gotten themselves their own place. It wasn't in the nice part of town, but it was good, it was theirs.

It was more than Dean had when he was eighteen. Now at twenty-three, his only achievement was his pathetic, minimum wage job as a Pizza delivery man.

"Perfect timing," Sam complained, leaning away from his petty girlfriend on the couch. Dean had always gone with his instinct, with the sixth sense he always presumed to have. And whenever he was near Ruby, he got the feeling that his brother would get hurt by the girl.

Dean shrugged off his jacket, mindlessly heading to the kitchen to heat up last night's dinner. He waited silently by the microwave, concentrating on the Chinese print on the container. He was not going to think about  _the man_.

A little ruffling later, Sammy walked Ruby to the door, as Dean shut off the loud noise of their heavy make-out session before their every single departure.

"Tell your brother to loosen up already," Ruby muttered. "I don't bite."

Sammy chuckled. "He'll get over it."

"Seriously, Dean, I'm still waiting on that handshake," she said, right before he heard the opening and closing of the door behind her.

Dean sighed, finally able to breathe in his own home.

Sam stepped into the kitchen, making that frustrated groan after Dean's three-year-old silence treatment. The microwaved beeped, and he took out his chicken lo mein, digging his fork in and heading to his bedroom.

"Dean, this is not okay anymore," Sammy said right before Dean shut the door on his face. There was a part of Dean that selfishly wished his brother was still that lonely, nerdy, plaid-shirt-wearing guy. Then again, he wanted Sam to grow up, be able to make his own choices, and if that meant he should screw up his youth by being with that horrible chick, so be it. Because people learn from mistakes. And he would never get in the way of Sam's learning.

After a few episodes of his favorite show, and a full belly, he decided to talk to his brother. Not to talk about the struggle he was going through by having that lustful moment with a complete stranger (who was a man), or by the way he has only spoken to his girlfriend a couple times through clenched teeth, or because he got the electricity bill and they still haven't paid it. He simply wanted to talk to his brother, about brotherly stuff. Like the good old days.

Sammy was still in the living room, reading one of his novels. He looked up from it as soon as he noticed Dean stepping out of his cave hole.

"You gonna keep ignoring me?" He wondered, and although Dean knew his brother hardly ever held grudges against him, there was a bit of an edge to his words.

Dean fell on the couch, next to Sammy, running a hand through his hair. "What are you reading?"

Sam looked confused, locking eyes with Dean, as if making sure he was really Dean, or just some really talented shape-shifter. "Uh, Wuthering Heights. Why?"

Dean nodded attentively. "School going fine? You're ready to graduate yet?"

Sammy took a hold of Dean's cheek, pulling it as if he were elastic. Dean grunted, slapping his hand away. "Why do you keep looking at me like I'm some kind of alien?"

"Why do you keep asking me about my life?" Sam hissed.

Dean rolled his eyes. "That's the most─you're my brother. We used to talk a lot before."

"Yeah, Dean, back then when I was forced to move around from mom to Dad every weekend after their divorce and you were my ride. It would have made awkward hour-long drives if we didn't talk."

Dean creased his forehead. "So, you're saying you never really wanted to talk to your awesome big bro?"

"Dean, I've always looked up to you. It was you who always left me behind so you could go out with your girlfriends."

Dean could feel the sting of pain in his brother. He just never saw it that way. He thought he and Sammy had their own things going on, and they were perfectly fine all their lives. Until now, when he subconsciously craved for that interaction, and Sam spent most of his time elsewhere.

"I just want to know what your plans are, after graduation," Dean tried, hoping to open up a good conversation with Sam.

He put his book down, shifting towards Dean, sending him a bright, welcoming smile. "I have so many plans. I'll tell you everything."

Dean grinned at him, happy with his attempt to communicate with his one and only sibling. He loved Sam to death. He would give up his life for him, even. And he didn't know how much he'd been missing out all these years. Sammy was filled with goals, excitement about life, his future; he had a great outlook on it. Sam could be whatever he wanted to be, however he wanted it, because he had that perseverance Dean lacked. He had so many qualities that Dean would only dream of.

"I'm going to law school," Sam concluded. Dean couldn't help the proud smile growing on his face. Law fricken school. Sammy was shooting straight for the moon. And knowing him, he'd probably land there sooner than he expected.

Dean went to bed a little after that, dreaming about his brother in a black suit, carrying a fancy briefcase, owning the world. Soon after, his dream turned into a nightmare. Ruby appeared, stealing away his brother's success, lowering him into a pitiful life. And it was all because he didn't break them up early enough.

***

Ash was smoking inside the pizzeria when Dean walked in. He shook his head, walking past him to clock in. Only five minutes late. Not bad.

As he expected it would happen, Crowley showed up ready to spread his venom. If his hate had a preference, Ash would be the unlucky one to own most of it. Dean sent him a warning glance, but it was too late, Crowley spotted the cigarette in his hands, approaching him in a nerve-racking pace. Malicious eyes were set on the scrawny employee.

Everyone in the room watched impatiently and dreadfully as Ash remained clueless about the situation. He took another puff of his smoke, coughing up a bit. The first one he noticed was Dean, shaking his hands in the air. Ash lifted his head, confused about the sign language. Crowley stood an inch behind him, with a smug expression on his face.

Dean wanted to look away, he really did, but this was better than his regular soaps. The tension was almost solid.

"Mr. Harvelle," Crowley roared.

Ash gulped, pressing the cigarette in his fist, cringing as his palm burned. "Yes, Mr. McCloud?"

"My office. Now."

Ash looked at Dean one last time. His eyes begged for help, but there was nothing Dean could offer to do. He  _could_  testify on his behalf, becoming the main witness to his murder, but he doubted that was the type of help Ash wanted.

Crowley turned to Bela, nodding to her once. His beard was longer today, and that was not a good sign. He woke up later than usual and didn't have time to shave, which meant his calm exterior appearance was suppressing down his anger by the minute, and now he had someone to let out all his rage upon.

He walked away, Ash following behind like a broken puppy. He was really gonna get it this time.

Chuck cleared his throat from behind the cash register. Dean turned to him, hoping to get out of the place before the explosion. "Did you talk to Sam?"

Dean frowned, both because of Ash and Chuck. "I forgot to remind him, bud. Tonight I definitely will. Any orders I should get to?"

"Two." Chuck handed him the info and the pizzas that had been sitting there, waiting for Dean to arrive, and he nearly ran out of the building.

After his deliveries, he cruised around town in the company's car. Dean had too much on his mind to focus on work. He realized he was being irresponsible, but he'd never actually been a cautious guy.

He drove by the college campus, circling around the parking lot. He received some sketchy looks from some of the students. His heart pounded faster, just imagining himself walking through the hallways. The campus wasn't a great thing, not by comparison to any Ivy League school, but it could offer a better future than the one he had now. Beyond his own pride, he wanted his parents to be proud of both their sons.

As much as he thought about it, broke his mind trying to figure it out, he couldn't decide on any career he would like. He knew he could start college, regardless. Sam always told him most of the students signed up with undecided majors, but Dean didn't want that. He wanted to have a motivation for college bigger than impressing his parents, or bettering himself.

He simply wanted a clear future ahead of him. A goal he could stick to. Hell, he wanted a purpose for being alive.

After he decided he had been creepy enough for the day, he headed back to work. Thanks to Chuck, Dean had skipped out on work without getting caught many times before. He was hoping that solidarity hadn't escaped him due to him not passing the word to Sammy about hooking him up with someone. Chuck was a nice guy, though. He didn't give him much to worry about.

He opened the door, wondering what he would find on the other side by now. He looked around the room, noticing Chuck in his usual spot, concentrated on his notepad, Bela placing marinara sauce on the pizza dough, along with a few other employees pulling out ingredients, but Ash wasn't around. He honestly wondered if Crowley could get away with homicide.

There were a couple customers sitting at the tables. He headed for the cash register. "Hey, Chuck, what happened?"

Chuck took a deep breath, taking his attention away from his writing. He looked less shaky than usual, so Dean took it as a good sign. "Ash got yelled at for about an hour or two, then he was given a week off without pay. Don't worry. Crowley was too busy with the new guy, Gabriel, to notice you ditched us for half of the day."

Dean grinned, hoping it could count as an apology. "I'll go check up on Ash after work. Sounds like he could use a drinking partner for the night."

Chuck gave a disapproving glance before going back to scribbling. Dean didn't expect anything less; the guy was more religious than the pope.

"I'll talk to Sammy, too," Dean added, hoping to ease his friend's cold attitude. "If he can't arrange anything, I can lend you a hand. You just tell me how you like 'em. Tall? Short? More in the front, more in the back?"

Chuck rolled his eyes, seeming not to want to respond, but he dropped his pen and looked up at Dean again. "When will you understand that it is not about the physical appearance at all? A soul goes beyond the meat suit."

Dean wanted to laugh, but he didn't, because that would have been rude. And Chuck didn't deserve that. Instead, he took a chair in the corner, and waited for his last deliveries to be prepared so he could get back into his Baby and enjoy the rest of his night.

***

Dean had four deliveries tonight. He went through each one of them sluggishly, having realized halfway through the first one that the last order was for the onion-craving man he literally  _melted_  for yesterday.

After his third delivery, he drove pathetically slow, stopping right outside the luxurious residence. He wondered if the man lived alone in that house. It would be a hell of a lonely existence. But something within him told him that if the man had a family to feed, he wouldn't be ordering a small sized cheese and onions pizza.

He collected himself, breathing in and out, becoming convinced that he was as straight as a ruler, and that he could get this fucking delivery done without his dick going stiff. He could do this.

 _Think of the onions_ , Dean thought. When the man ate the onion pizza, his breath would stink like rotten eggs afterwards, and if Dean could think of a better turn off, he would.

He couldn't resist running a hand through his hair and smoothing out his features before ringing the doorbell. He tried shifting his weight onto his left leg, but no standing position was comfortable enough with the amount of anxiety he had. He could hear his brain hurrying up the man so he could get this over with and run away to some bar to hook up with the first skirt he saw roaming around.

The door opened centuries later, after Dean could feel sweat on his forehead. Lawrence was always hot, but he couldn't always blame the atmosphere for his temperature.

"Hi, Dean," the man greeted him with strange familiarity. Dean stilled again. Why the fuck could he not act normally around him?

Dean grinned like a clown. "Onions again." He could kill himself at the moment.

"Yes, I happen to love the stinky vegetable." He offered him another twenty. Dean could process the information better tonight, and he knew this was way too big a tip for such a small order. The pizza itself was worth much less.

"You really don't have to," Dean pushed the bill into the man's hand.

He wrinkled his forehead, blue eyes shrinking with the movement. "I know how difficult it must be to drive around all day in one of those confining vehicles delivering pizzas. I could have easily driven there myself, but I chose not to, so I must pay adequately for the service acquired."

Dean stared at the man, lost in the rough, deep tone of his voice. "Yeah, that's. I think that makes sense."

The man looked ahead of Dean; eyes fixed on something that made a huge smile grow on his face. A smile Dean instantly loved on him.

"Is that your car?" He asked.

Baby. Of course. She would win him over without a struggle. It wasn't a competition, but damn did she know how to steal his spotlight.

"That 1967 Chevy Impala? Ah, yeah, she's all mine."

The man arched a brow at Dean, slightly amused at something Dean didn't quite get. "Does  _she_  have a name?"

Dean did  _not_  flush. "Baby." It slipped his lips as a whisper.

The man looked at Dean, and Dean looked back, and he didn't understand why neither of them looked away for a long moment, but he didn't mind.

"Castiel," he said, "I prefer Cas."

Dean nodded, registering the unique name. He decided it fit this man, because he'd never seen anyone like him before. At least, he'd never been as shaken up by someone as easily as this man, Cas, could do.

"I have to…I need to get going." Dean could hear the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. He was just trying to figure out a way to get his feet moving away from the house and Castiel.

"Alright," Cas murmured, hesitating on the words that followed. "Uh, Dean, don't get too tired of me and my onions. I recently moved in, and I've no time to cook. I have tried many pizzerias from around here, but this is, by far, the best one."

Dean could feel the heat again, his pulse accelerating, and it was all so ridiculous. He should have been able to control himself better. But his body took hold of the news that it would continue to see Cas frequently better than his brain. Because all he wanted was to escape this torture and all his cock wanted was to be freed from his suddenly tight jeans.

"I guess I'll be dosing you with onions for a while," Dean said, immediately wishing he could rewind and redo that entire sentence.

Cas chuckled unexpectedly, making Dean unclench his shoulders, giving him time to readjust himself and finally escape from his presence.

"I suppose so," Cas muttered before─thank heaven─closing the door on him. Dean climbed on Baby, feeling just a little disappointed by not finding himself a girl to fuck until the end of dawn, and rather going to give his friend, Ash, a visit.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dude, I didn't know you were coming over," Ash said, dragging Dean in for a hug. Dean loved the guy, just not when he got all cuddly with him.

Dean pushed him away as soon as possible, nicely enough. "Heard you got it bad today, so I came to cheer you up."

Ash laughed wholeheartedly. "Man, I have this theory that if I sit quietly and sing the alphabet song over and over again in my mind while someone talks to me, I will just shut them out. And it worked. Crowley could have told me who my mother and grandmother were a thousand times, but all I kept hearing was 'now I know my a-b-c's, next time won't you sing with me?' and, dude, Crowley was spitting fireballs."

"Well done," Dean praised, feeling less sorry for his friend. A little cheering up would still come in handy. "Why don't we move the party to my place? I've got all the booze you can think of."

"Dude, my mom's home right now. She knows that every time I go with you, it's only to drink. I have to tell her I'm going somewhere else. Wait here, and don't let my sister see you."

Dean nodded like a bobble head to everything. He was used to Ash sneaking out from his overprotective mother, because apparently he was such a bad influence on the young ones. Ash's sister, Jo, had had a crush on him for some time, and though he never really considered taking a shot with her, momma Ellen would make sure that never crossed his mind. Jo and Dean still hung out from time to time, but they tried to keep their distance and flirting to a safe level.

Jo stepped outside of the house, arms folded in front of her, searching through the dark street. Dean was sitting inside his Impala, texting Sammy about bringing Ash over, in case he decided to get freaky with Ruby on their couch like he enjoyed doing.

"Dean, Dean, Dean," Jo said, walking to Dean's window, setting her elbows down on the car.

Dean bopped her nose, which was his usual greeting to her. "Jo, Jo, Jo."

"Having fun intoxicating my little brother?"

He shrugged. "No more than usual."

Jo looked back at her house. "My mom won't find out if you promise me one thing."

Dean waited, sending her his seductive grin. He just couldn't help himself when he was around her. She was such a feisty, adorable thing.

"Keep him safe," she said, concern in her voice. "He may be eighteen, but he is still not an adult. He doesn't behave like one, anyway. I don't want him to choke on his puke at the middle of the night while you're snoring next to a whore you picked up."

Dean gasped, honestly offended. "What makes you think I have to pay to get laid? Not with this pretty face."

"Not the point, Dean," she grumbled.

Dean leaned closer to her, where he knew she would run her fingers through his hair in that perfect way. Dean hadn't met anyone who could offer him any genuine feeling besides Jo, so he kept asking for it. They didn't have to make out or have an official relationship, they just offered each other small intakes of affection, and that was enough for Dean. For now.

Ash walked out, frozen by the sight of his sister. "Crap."

Jo let go of Dean, moving toward her younger sibling, who was much taller than her. Jo understood what Dean felt every time he had to stand next to Sammy.

"Careful, you might get one of those beer bellies before you see it coming," she teased, going back inside the house.

Ash got in, pale as a ghost. He turned to Dean with a frightened expression. This was the correct reaction to coming out of Crowley's office (alive), but it was better late than never.

"Dude, I think she knows."

Dean laughed. "No shit."

***

Dean, Sam and Ash were drunk as hell. So drunk that Dean could hardly recognize the worlds slipping out of his mouth. He could hear himself speaking, but he didn't have recollection of wanting to voice them out.

"Sammy, I love you. You're my brother and I love you," he mumbled. It was like all the alcohol combined was the recipe for a truth elixir. He knew he was drunk when he started listing all the people he loved. "Ash, I love you, man. I really love you."

Ash giggled almost incoherently.

Sammy tried to get up and get to the bathroom, but his legs gave out. Dean had never seen his brother so wasted before. He was even surprised he agreed to drink with them.

"I love Jo, too," Dean continued, more to himself. "And I love Chuck. Chuck is nice. I love Ellen. She hates me, but I love her. And I love…oh I  _love_ Dr. Sexy. I always say he's not sexy to me, but fuck, he is."

Ash giggled again. "Shut up."

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sammy reaching the bathroom door and opening it. He was glad his brother made it there in one piece.

"I want him. He's. I want him. All mine."

Ash had passed out before Dean could continue. He went silent, sinking down on the couch. He might have mumbled other nonsense, but he couldn't stop thinking of  _him._ Of those deep blue eyes, and the body that held them. Cas. He might have said his name aloud a few times, but he couldn't possibly remember.

***

Dean experienced one of the worst hangovers of his lifetime the entire next day. It was all his fault for deciding to chug down an entire liquor store on a Thursday. Luckily, though, after today he had one day off. One day where he didn't have to get up to pretend he  _had_  a life. That thought got him through most of his day.

That was until his last round of the night was announced by Chuck. He wasn't surprised to have discovered Dean hadn't kept his word yet again. But it was Dean who they were talking about. Since when did people think he would be reliable?

"Five deliveries, Dean," Chuck said flatly.

Dean sighed. He hated Fridays at work. He hated having to work with an excruciating headache and nausea. He just hated this day. He packed away the pizzas, heading for the road once again.

His bad mood and slow driving had gotten him small tips, but he didn't have high expectations. All he wanted was to drink all the litters of water he could find in his fridge as soon as he got home. His throat was dry and raspy.

He left Cas' order for last, since he lived further away, but also because he hated this part of the evening. Any other day he could have dealt with this, but he knew by now how much the man took away from Dean, and he wasn't prepared to lose it anymore.

He ranged the doorbell, slouching unattractively. The smell of onions burned his nose and all he hoped for was not to puke all over Cas' front porch, or his pizza.

"Dean, I thought you'd gotten lost," Castiel said, handing Dean the bill, and taking the pizza in his hands.

Dean forced a smile, trying to keep his eyes open. "No, I just had a lot of orders. Friday, you know?"

Cas nodded understandingly, but he looked like he was studying Dean somehow. "You look terrible. Are you feeling ill?"

Dean shook his head stubbornly. "No, I'm just kind of dizzy."

Cas pressed his hand on Dean's forehead without previous permission. Dean was taken aback by the action, but he didn't protest. "My goodness, you're burning up. Come on in, I'll give you an ice pack and some pain relievers."

"Thanks, but─"

"No," Cas snapped. "I am a medical doctor. I know what I am doing. I will not let a sick person walk away from me without first making sure they are well enough to drive."

Dean hesitated by the door, but he still walked in behind Cas. The house was spacious, hollow, even. It wasn't as extravagant on the inside as Dean had imagined. It was simple. Cas didn't seem to buy unnecessary home décor to accessorize the place, he only had the basics. Dean wanted to compliment Cas on the nice house, but he felt that if he spoke one single word, his stomach would send him up all the unwanted poison he stuffed in it.

Cas led Dean to the kitchen, and offered him a seat in the dining room table. There were only two chairs there. One of them was filled with white coats and blue scrubs. He took the empty one, resting his head on his hands. Castiel pulled a small thermometer from a cupboard. "Open your mouth, Dean." Dean did, and Cas placed the digital thermometer there, waiting patiently for the results. "Are you allergic to any medication?" He asked, in a tone Dean hadn't heard before. It must have been his doctor voice.

Dean pressed his eyes shut as the head pounding headache increased. "No, I don't think so."

"This shouldn't have a negative effect on you, either way," Cas informed him. "You're a big boy."

Even though Dean felt like shit, and he was losing clarity of the situation, he felt himself smirking at that comment. He wanted to lie down in his Impala until this went away, but at the same time, he didn't want to hurry up Cas to get him the pills so he could get well and leave. He could wait a few more seconds.

Castiel laid out the pills in one of those cups they give you at the hospital and a plastic cup of ice cold water, which Dean sucked dry in one intake.

"Thanks, Doc, I feel so much better."

"Nonsense. Take off your jacket, and lie down on my couch. I'll go get you a few wet cloths and the ice pack."

Dean felt weak and vulnerable and he was not prepared to feel this way in front of a mere stranger. But evidently he was at the hands of a professional doctor willing enough to treat an unexpected patient. Dean felt so much better, though, as soon as he was on his back on one very comfortable couch. He had his eyes shut, trying to compose himself before Cas returned.

"Why have you not taken off your jacket, Dean?" Cas said, exasperatedly.

Dean had honestly forgotten. It was not because he was ashamed about his not so muscular torso. Not at all. Cas sat him down on the couch and removed the jacket himself. Dean was surprised to see how bossy Doctor Cas could be. Once he was jacket-less, he was allowed to lie back down, and he felt the cool towels all over his body. One on his neck, arms, and even his legs after Cas rolled up his jeans. The ice pack on his head was his favorite.

"Feeling any better?" Cas wondered quietly.

Dean breathed, hardly feeling the headache anymore. Cas worked some kind of mojo on him, because he started feeling much better than usual. But only in health. Now that the throbbing pain wasn't in the way, he could worry about the embarrassment he should be feeling.

"Yeah, I feel so good I should really get going now." Dean pushed himself up from the couch unwillingly, only to have Cas shove him back down. "You can't keep me hostage here forever. My brother will find me."

Cas glared at Dean, seriously. "You haven't even rested for one minute and you already think you can fly an airplane? No, Dean. Besides, I must take your temperature once more. Wait fifteen minutes. I'll be in the kitchen eating my pizza."

Dean didn't know why, but he held onto Cas' arm before he could leave. Cas looked down at him, a soft look in his eyes he rarely received from strangers. He shifted the ice pack on his head to get a better look at him. "Thanks. Most people don't offer random acts of kindness like that."

The smile on Cas was unforgettable. It was the one Baby got out of him the day before. Now it was his. And why did Dean care so much about the smiles from this man? He definitely needed to get laid quickly. By a woman. A very feminine woman.

Dean rested his eyes for a couple minutes, or at least he thought so. When he opened them he found Cas in what must have been his hospital clothes, placing some things into his pockets.

"Dean, I didn't mean to wake you," Cas murmured, his voice was so soothing, Dean could have easily gone back to sleep right then and there. "I'm on call every day, and I must head to work now."

"What time is it?" Dean asked, rising stiffly from the couch, stretching his arms and cracking his neck.

"Do you do that often?" Cas said sadly. "It is a terrible habit."

"Yeah, well, I have a lot of those. Why not add another to the pile?"

Cas put on a tan overcoat, looking so tiny inside it. "You may want to measure your drinking from now on. If you wish, I could bring you a pamphlet on what excessive drinking will do to you. It is truly a silent drug."

Dean put on his shoes, not questioning how they came off in the first place. "How did you know my sickness was really a hangover?"

Castiel picked up his nametag. "Doctor."

"Right," Dean said, steadying himself from the couch, heading to the door and Castiel. "Well, Doc, it was very nice of you to take me in during my time of need. But we all know nothing in life is free. How much do I owe you?"

It was a strange little thing whenever Cas laughed, and Dean liked it. He just didn't know exactly why. Cas placed a hand firmly on his right shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Keep bringing me my pizzas in less than thirty minutes, and our debt is settled. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Cas walked out the house, Dean stood there motionless.

"I am certainly not kicking you out, Dean, but you must decide whether you want to stay inside or out, because I have to lock my door."

Dean hurried to the front porch, relaxing until his eyes found his car in perfect condition. He turned back to Cas, watching him with gratitude and all sorts of repentance. Cas watched him back, and though the exchange of glances was intense, neither of them seemed to feel uncomfortable by it. It felt sort of natural.

"I don't know how else to thank you," Dean hurried, walking next to a smiling Castiel. Before he stepped into his Hummer, he gave Dean a wave, mouthing  _pizza,_  and drove away with an overly loud laughter. It just didn't quite go with the time of the night, or rather morning, his watch stated.

***

The smell of bacon woke Dean up from his long, dreamless sleep. He felt well for the first time. It was caused by so many little things. His headache was gone, which was extremely important. It was his day off from work, which meant no deliveries, no Crowley, no nothing. He had the entire day to himself, and he was about to waste it on watching mindless television. And lastly, and still feeling surreal, he had been pampered like a child by a man who could have easily inspired his favorite fictional character, Dr. Sexy.

Suddenly, it all hit him. It hit him so hard, almost knocked him back to sleep. He didn't have a crush on a man, a real man. He had a crush on someone who represented one of his guilty pleasures. Cas had that scruffy look like Dr. Sexy, he was rugged, but neat in his own way. Hell, he was even a doctor. Castiel was Dean's fantasy guy. In a totally heterosexual way.

He had absolutely nothing to worry about. He wouldn't freak out about this any longer. All he had to do was get laid soon enough because his dick was becoming confused as to what it wanted. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and all he needed was attention. He'd been neglecting his carnal needs due to exhaustion from work, and though knowing sex was his favorite stress reliever, he just hadn't put the effort into getting some. This was the call from the wild, informing him he had needs to tend to.

It looked like, after all, he was not staying home all day.

Sammy was cooking breakfast, which he only ever did on Saturdays when Dean wasn't as grumpy. He served their plates, pouring freshly squeezed orange juice for both of them.

Dean rubbed his hands together, savoring his meal. Dean really loved his little brother.

"I guess this one must be special," Sam said, sitting down and digging into his scrambled eggs.

Dean licked his lips, confused by what his brother meant by that. He began eating his food, letting the comment slide.

"Really, Dean?" Sammy asked, bitterly. "Not going to share anymore?"

Damn, all Dean could think of was saving some of Sammy's bacon for some cheeseburgers later that day. He tried to keep up with his brother, but how was anything expected from him once food was in his mouth?

"Share what?" He said, in between his chewing.

Sam focused his eyes on Dean, warily. "It's not Jo, is it?"

"What are you talking about, bitch?"

"Jerk," Sammy muttered, gulping down his juice. "I mean, who are you seeing now? You can't keep things from me, Dean. You came home so late last night, and today you wake up all happy. There must be someone."

Dean drank some of his juice, too, hoping to move the topic into another direction. Sammy wouldn't understand his newly acquired theory about his fantasy and the solution to his confusion. "I love Jo, but you know that's not something we're willing to explore. Hey, you know what? Chuck has never met Jo, has he? Which reminds me, you owe him a setup with one of your lady friends, and I have a feeling Jo is the right type of friend."

Sam let his jaw drop. "You are handing away your only good woman to Chuck? Every time I tried to introduce her to one of my friends you told me to fuck off and stopped talking to me for days. You see her as yours, and I've told you it's not right because she obviously isn't, but I don't get it. What made you change your mind?"

Dean was shocked with himself, also. He always feared he'd lose his friend. But he realized it wasn't fair to use her as a safety cushion to fall back on when he couldn't keep standing. She needed to have her own life, to love someone she could actually have a future with. Dean couldn't and wouldn't give her that. And wanting to feel her close and just for him wasn't alright anymore.

"I want her to be happy," Dean explained in simpler terms. "She's…she deserves that and so much more. Chuck is a decent fellow."

Sam stared at Dean, half convinced. "I am more than okay with that match-making, but if I make this happen, and they actually click and get things going, I will expect you not to interfere."

Dean sighed, losing his appetite. "I won't, Sammy, okay? I won't get in the way."

His brother grimaced, but he didn't make any other comment on Dean's reaction. They both grew up with Jo and Ash. Dean even got Ash the job at the pizzeria. But Jo was something precious to Dean. More than a friend most of the time. He never labeled their relationship. And it felt almost wrong setting her up with anyone, even Chuck, who most likely had a clean slate, and would grow up to be someone important in life.

***

Cas could stuff his healthy tips right up his asshole. Dean was a  _big boy_ , after all, and if he wanted to drink until he wasted his body away, then he would. And no one could stop him.

He waited on his next round of purple nurples, singing along to the only Bon Jovi song he actually liked, because he wouldn't officially join the fan club.

"I'm a cowboy," he shouted, taking the first shot in without a second thought. "I'm wanted," he yelled again, going for the second. "Dead or alive," he said finally, rattling his head after his last shot of the purple drink. He hadn't noticed he had sort of an audience watching him with admiration. He dismissed them all with their clapping, trying to get a hold of the bartender to order even more.

"My, does he know how to drink," someone said, getting into Dean's personal space. He was very serious when it came to keeping that space unoccupied.

"Bartender," Dean mumbled, sloppily. "Three more."

The person next to him was a woman, Dean noticed as his head fell against her chest. He looked up at the face that held the bosoms, trying to wink, but blinking with both eyes instead. The woman had black, curly hair, full cheeks, luscious red lips, and a confident attitude that made her even more attractive.

"Who might you be, sweetheart?"

"Meg," she said, leaning in closer to Dean, lips so close to his that it was tortuous not being able to try her out. "Are you really a cowboy?"

Dean licked his lips, ready to take her in his arms and show her how manly he really was. "I can be anything you want me to be, baby."

Meg let out a soft moan from the back of her throat, locking their lips together long enough to leave them both breathless. Once they broke apart, Dean looked down at his crotch, wondering why the hell his dick was not at all excited by this. He figured he was too drunk to function.

"What's the matter, Cowboy? Do you need some help?" Meg shoved hands through his jean's waistline, submerging down until they took a tight grip on his package. Dean gulped, expecting it to go hard any second now. He leaned in to kiss her again, savagely, passionately, but it was almost tasteless. Meg released him, collecting her hands. She drank one of Dean's new rounds of purple nurples. "Looks like you're broken. Too bad. I was hoping you could ride me tonight."

Dean watched as Meg took off, unable to respond to her. He wasn't that disappointed in himself, though he was curious as to his inability to get turned on around the appropriate people.

***

"How's my patient doing?" Cas asked, as they made their usual trade.

Dean gave him a blank expression, retracting a few steps on the porch. "Peachy."

Cas raised a brow, questioningly. "I guess asking if you took my advice would be an utter waste of time."

"Exactly," Dean muttered, heading directly into his Impala. "Bye, Doc."

Dean wouldn't look back at Cas as he drove away. He was being rude as hell, when all the guy had done was be nice to him and take care of him. He even offered his couch to him. And he was nothing more than a stranger. Dean didn't have to do anything other than deliver his damn pizza on time, though. That was the only thing in his job description.


	3. Chapter 3

"Did Sammy get in touch with you?" Dean asked Chuck, interrupting his concentrated run with his pen.

Chuck smiled, much too widely to hide anything. "Jo's great. We're going out again tonight."

Dean nodded, keeping his cool. This wasn't as bad as he imagined. "Good luck to you guys. Just let me give you the jist of how this will work. If you hurt her, even unintentionally, I will break your face, no matter how nice I think you are."

Chuck shook his head, but there wasn't a hint of seriousness in the action. "I like her, Dean, and I think she likes me, too."

"A tip to the wise, she loves cotton candy. Give her a bag before your date, and you'll get her smiling for the rest of the day."

Chuck wrote down Dean's suggestion on his notepad. "I will do that. Thanks."

Dean was proud of himself for being so unselfish for such a short moment. He knew this would not be a usual practice for him, though. Unselfish time was over now, and he needed Chuck to return the favor. He moved behind the counter, next to the register. "Would you mind not giving me the onion pizza order anymore? The guy is…he's a creep, and I don't want to see him again. Just, whenever someone orders a cheese and onions pizza, give it to someone else."

"Okay, sure," Chuck said, not pushing the subject further.

Dean believed never seeing Cas was going to solve his issues. Because for some odd reason, he couldn't stop thinking of him day and night. He felt guilty for it, and for not listening to his advice, and for being short with him. Dean had enough with his mediocre existence to worry about someone else. Someone who wasn't even important.

***

Ash returned to work the week after his smoking incident with Crowley. He kept complaining about having to put up with the heat in Kansas that day, because the temperature was supposed to reach the three digit numbers.

Dean had had a long day. He was angry because Sammy had invited Ruby to spend the night the day before, and he couldn't sleep at all knowing their lives were in danger. Sammy thought it was absurd for Dean to act that way. It wasn't like the girl was some kind of demon, but Dean couldn't even be sure of that.

"Dude, let's get together tonight," Ash said, finishing up his stolen pizza. "I got new video games and we can take another pizza home. Tell Sam."

Dean wanted to pass, really, because he just wasn't in the mood to have company around. And he was still pissed at Sammy. He just wanted to make sure he wouldn't have to see Ruby there when he got home.

"You call him," Dean said. "Let him know you're coming over. Tell him it's a guy party. Make sure he gets the hint."

Ash rolled his eyes. "Ruby is not that bad. She tells everyone at school that you're basically her brother."

Dean looked horrified by that fact. "How is that not bad? She can't measure up to me."

"Oh shut up."

Chuck told Dean he had four deliveries tonight. The last ones for the night. Dean received the pizzas from Bela, who looked even more pissed than normal. She flipped him off as soon as he took the boxes. Dean was sure he didn't do anything to deserve it this time.

He ignored her, turning to Ash. "Get things ready. I'll be there soon."

Ash pulled out his phone, dialing, and sent Dean two thumbs up. Dean got in his Impala, resigned to go through the unentertaining experience of delivering pizzas for the hungry.

***

Dean delivered two meat-lovers pizzas at the first house, two plain cheese pizzas in the other, and one extra-large Hawaiian with a cheesy crust in the third. The last one was a small pepperoni pizza. He checked the address on his sheet, only to find Onion guy's street name, and the exact number of the house. That cheater. How dare he change the pizza topping on Dean? Now he had a pizza waiting to be delivered to Cas, and he did not want to be the one delivering it.

He pulled up outside the residence, unsure of how he would react to Cas that night. He didn't know which Dean he would be. He could be the resistant one, the shy one, the dumbstruck one, or the jackass one. Whichever he would be, he would still be Dean, and that was the last thing he wanted to be when it came to Cas.

Dean waited by the door, tapping his foot impatiently. The door opened, and Castiel appeared on the porch in no time. He had an unexpressive look on his face, something cold he wasn't used to from the guy. He snatched the pizza away, sliding the bill into Dean's hand.

"Thanks for the service," Cas said, not once meeting eyes with Dean, turning back into his house, and shutting the door harshly behind him.

Dean waited there, trying to think of his next step. He was decided not to leave things like that. He ringed the doorbell and tapped his foot again.

Cas opened the door a few minutes later, hands empty, eyes unable to focus on anything. "May I help you?"

Dean tried to speak, but he didn't know what to say. He couldn't have expected the man to get hurt by Dean's treatment. They hardly knew each other.

"Long time no see, huh?" Dean said, nervously.

Cas looked ahead of Dean, eyes finally set on Baby. "I'm starving, Dean. I don't have the time to talk with you."

"Are you…like, are you mad?" Dean tried, unsure if he should even ask.

Castiel laid eyes on him for the first time that day, and Dean could feel a shiver run over his entire back. There was pain in them, along with tiredness, and Dean could still not believe that this could be due to him. "I figured the other guy that started bringing my pizzas was taking over your job, so I asked him, and he said you still worked there. I kept ordering my pizza, and you didn't show up. I wanted to test this out, make sure you weren't just evading me, so I changed my topping. Now I found out you really were being a jerk, and I have a pizza that I will not be able to eat because I hate pepperoni."

Dean felt like crap, more like scum. He wanted to run away from Cas until his self-hatred could decrease. Dean leaned on the wall of the house, running a hand through his hair. "I really didn't mean to, Cas. Look, it's really nothing you did, or what you said. It's just that. No one had ever taken care of me like that before."

"So once someone did, the first course of action was to run away from them?" Cas demanded.

Dean frowned. "I don't know what to tell you, but I could bring you a new pizza if that's what you want."

"Forget the pizza, Dean. I thought we were friends. I moved here two months ago and I haven't made a single friend. You were the nicest one since I came here, and I wanted to keep in touch with you. I guess I read things wrong."

Dean wanted to apologize, but his pride and sixth sense told him it wouldn't cut it. A simple sorry wouldn't make the nice doctor smile again. He wanted to make it up to him somehow. Dean took a deep breath, staring straight into Cas' perfectly colored eyes. "I don't know if…if you're busy right now. I mean, we could get some movies, new pizza, and come back here. That's basically what I planned on doing tonight, anyway."

Castiel fidgeted by the door, questioning Dean's words. He probably didn't expect anything more than Dean running away from him again. "Okay, that sounds tempting."

They drove to a dollar-per-night movie renting box outside of Walgreens. Dean picked out a ghost story, while Cas went with an action hit. Dean realized that if they were to watch both movies, they would spend more than three hours together, and it was already ten o'clock. He wouldn't make it home on time to meet Ash, so he called him on the way back to Castiel's house. They had stopped at Domino's to get a cheese and onion pizza for Cas.

"Dude, where you at?" Ash said over the line.

"Something came up. Don't wait up for me."

Ash groaned. "I knew you'd bail on us. How did you know Ruby's here?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "What? We talked about this. All-guy party."

"Yeah, but I invited Chuck, and he brought Jo, so Sam thought Ruby should stay, too. I have to let you go, dude. They're all giving me angry looks."

"Alright, just keep your eyes on her. Tell Sammy, Jo and Chuck I said hi."

"Ruby, Dean says hi," Ash said before clicking on him.

Dean would kill Ash if he weren't feeling so joyful at the moment. He was excited to have Cas' company. He wondered if it would be okay to mention how much he resembled his favorite TV doctor.

Cas was watching Dean with a soft smile. "You didn't have to do that."

"I never did repay that mojo you did on me when I was dying. I'm not missing out on anything, anyway."

"That mojo was medicine, Dean. It was nothing out of the ordinary."

Dean smiled back, comfortable being with Castiel, even with their little knowledge of one another, and with his trippy confusion from the first few times he saw him. Cas was too kind, he really couldn't get why he claimed not to have any friends.

Back home, Dean and Cas lied on two recliner leather seats, stuffing their faces with pizza, and watching both movies with complete attention. Dean had slipped a silent but deadly one during an interception of their first movie, which Cas had laughed off. Dean got all pink in his cheeks, and tried to pretend that hadn't happened. Minutes later, while the second movie had started, Cas farted loudly, but didn't stink up the room like Dean had. It still made Dean feel like less of a pig.

The end credits of the second movie were moving up the screen, and Dean remembered to check his watch because this wasn't his home, although he'd practically forgotten that tiny fact.

"Son of a bitch," Dean hissed to himself. "It's two thirty a.m."

"So?" Cas asked, shifting to his side on the chair.

"If I don't leave now I will pass out any second." Dean picked up his jacket and shoes, putting them on swiftly. He stood in front of Cas' hallway mirror, arranging his hair the way he liked it.

Dean didn't notice, but Cas was standing right behind him when he turned around. Way too close for Dean's usual liking, but he didn't mind as much as he should have. Cas gazed at Dean, just as Dean gazed back. It felt like a tradition now, doing this with each other. Dean had to stop himself from looking at the doctor's dry lips, still wishing to wet and repair them.

"I hope you continue to be my pizza man," Castiel murmured, voice so raspy and deep in the silence of the room. Dean gulped, aching to step closer, but sliding past Cas instead.

"Of course, Cas," Dean assured him, reaching for the door. "What are friends for?"

"Goodbye, Dean," Cas said, but Dean didn't say a word as he left the house in a hurry.

He just couldn't win with Cas.

***

"Hello, Sunshine," Ruby smiled obnoxiously at Dean as he walked through the threshold of his home.

Dean pretended he couldn't see her, sliding next to her and proceeding on the rest of the hallway.

Sam caught a hold of his big brother by the sleeve, pulling him back a few feet. Once he had him close enough, he let him go. Dean took a deep breath, turned around and glared at Ruby with all hostility.

"Hiya, little devil," Dean mumbled.

Sam sighed. "Dean."

"Isn't it a bit too late for a  _lady_  to be out on the streets?" Dean said. If he was going to be forced to talk to the girl, he didn't have to be nice.

Ruby kept her wide smile. "Which is the reason your brother offered to drive me home. We had such a nice time tonight, but we all missed you."

Dean huffed. "I've seen better acting from a parrot."

"That's enough, Dean," Sammy hissed. Dean hated overprotective Sammy, when Dean wasn't the one being defended.

"Oh, look," Dean said, pointing at his wristwatch. "It's whore—I mean, four—o'clock already. I can almost hear the birds chirping outside. Better hurry."

Sam pulled Ruby out the door without further commentary from the both of them. The house was empty, and cold, and honestly he felt sort of lonely now. He didn't know how to explain the fact that he drove around Cas' neighborhood for the last hour and a half. He kept passing by his house. And every time he decided it was time to go home, he went around again, remaining in the circle he formed.

It was too late to think about this, though. Dean had too much on his plate to overanalyze the situation. So, he went straight into his room, locked the door behind him, and tuned in to watch the episodes of Dr. Sexy M.D. recorded on his DVR until he passed out.

***

Dean delivered Castiel's cheese and onion pizzas every single day he went to work. After asking Chuck very nicely to give him Onion guy's orders again, of course.

Cas loved small talk, which Dean didn't really mind, though he sometimes ran out of things to say. It wasn't the dumbstruck thing again anymore. It was more like he wanted to keep hearing what Castiel had to say, instead of taking up the time himself. Because even their small talk was more interesting than anything a show could offer.

After a few weeks, their small talks became long exchanges of their personal lives. Dean knew most of Castiel's unplanned schedule at the JPS Hospital. Not that he ever asked, but Castiel seemed to enjoy sharing about his work. Something that Dean still hadn't gotten tired of.

Castiel had two brothers. One of them was older than him, named Balthazar. The younger one was Gabriel. Dean wondered about the new guy from work, silently questioning if he could be Cas' sibling. He never bothered to ask either of them, though Gabriel usually spent his time hitting on Bela, and the other females from the pizzeria. He had this thing where he would bring bags of candy every day to work and eat them one after the other. To this day, Crowley had never caught him in the act.

Dean couldn't understand why, but he told Cas about his parents' divorce. It was such a painful subject for Dean, which he could barely share with Jo and Ash. But now that he had this new found friend joyfully waiting for his pizzas, he felt like it was something he had to talk about. Dean had also told him about Baby, and the way the precious car had been passed from generation to generation. Once his father, John, had given him the set of keys on his sixteenth birthday, he knew he would never have something so magnificent in his possession that could top that.

It was amazing how time flew by on Castiel's front porch, so amazing that they often had to take their conversations inside, onto the matching leather seats Dean could snuggle into just perfectly. He had to remember many times that he was on the go, that he had work the next morning, but it was so easy talking with Cas, hearing about his knowledge and experiences. All Dean could do to feel on the same level with Cas was talk about music.

Classic rock was Dean's safe ground. He could share the only knowledge he actually had, the one that he was proud to have. Some might not think that knowing the year every AC/DC album was released isn't important. Or what inspired the song "Bad Moon Rising." But Cas showed utmost interest in what Dean had to say. It was obvious he wasn't just pretending out of politeness, Cas was genuinely curious about classic rock ever since Dean brought it up.

That was why Dean didn't know whether to laugh, or cry, or simply stare at Castiel in the getup he found him in today.

Cas had applied, what appeared to be, the entire stick of black eyeliner all around his blue eyes, which, by the way, made them look brighter. He had on tight, leather pants, a Black Sabbath T-shirt, and a clear overdose of hair gel that made his spikes look like hair boners.

"Do you like?" Cas asked, almost innocently. "I'm in serious need of approval, Dean. If you must know, I procrastinated today. Google has officially become my best friend. It is filled with infinite information on classic rock bands attire."

Dean bit the inside of his cheeks, forcing himself to keep it cool, and serious. But how could he do that when Castiel was such a naïve, tiny kitten?

"It's just not you," Dean muttered, scratching the top of his head. "Are you trying to get a change of image? Wouldn't this look scare most of your patients? On the other hand, I think you've got your Halloween costume covered."

Castiel frowned and slapped Dean's shoulder, in an unaggressive way. "You are such an assbutt, Dean. I worked hard on this. Give me my damn pizza and go away."

Dean moved the pizza away from Castiel's reach, shoving a hand against Cas' chest to stop him from moving forward. "No, sir, you may not receive this delightful onion pizza unless you tip me first."

Cas groaned and grumbled a few things as he headed up the stairs of his house. Dean felt familiar enough to walk in behind him. He set down the pizza on the small table in the living room, sitting on  _his_  leather chair.

"I don't have change, Dean," Castiel returned to the first floor, with a wet towel in his hands, smearing off the eyeliner. "Like I said before, I wasted my day on stupidity."

Dean could tell he'd upset his friend. He fucked up yet again. Dean didn't tend to think before speaking. He always forgot that sometimes people counted on him to say a few words of support rather than put them down.

Cas pulled out his checkbook from a drawer in the kitchen, walking toward Dean and writing things down on a blank check. Dean met him halfway, snatching the things away from his hands as fast as he could. Cas glared at him, deep into his eyes like he regularly did. There was sadness in them today, something Dean didn't like.

"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean asked softly. He put the checkbook and pen down next to the hot pizza. "I was kidding about the tip. You know me better than that."

Cas squinted his eyes just a smidge, a shade of eyeliner still visible. "I can't win."

Dean remained confused, so he tried again. "Talk to me, man. There must be something wrong."

Cas tilted his head to the side, in a very peculiar way Dean was used to seeing. "I became a doctor for my parents. I bought this house because Balthazar told me I should. My younger brother picked out most of my wardrobe before he rebelled and ran away from home. All my life, Dean, I've been told what to do. I let others make my decisions. I was afraid that if I started to decide on my own I'd choose wrong, that I would screw up my entire life. Everything I've come to know." Cas picked at the bottom of his shirt, rolling his fingers on the fabric. "This shitty outfit was my first attempt to become my own person. I chose this. I made this one decision. And then you come here and all you have to say is that I look like a fucking scarecrow."

It was almost like Dean was prohibited from doing things right, like he had to mess things up for everyone around him. Dean looked away, directing his eyes to the ground. He noticed Cas was barefoot. When he finally decided to look up, Castiel was smiling. Dean was kind of freaked out at that.

"What are you smiling about?" He wondered, warily.

Cas laughed quietly. "I just heard myself speaking and it was absurd. I was blaming you for something out of your control. I am an idiot; it's kind of hilarious if you think about it."

Dean didn't understand Castiel's abrupt change of moods, but he was glad he didn't look as vulnerable as he did a few seconds ago. Dean felt like his friend could break with the touch of his fingers.

"Are you still hungry for some onions?" Dean asked, grabbing Castiel's arm and directing him to the chair. Dean opened the small box of pizza, breaking off a slice, and offering it to Castiel. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were still holding the towel. "Do you want me to feed you?"

Dean didn't know why he said that. He had a tendency to spill inappropriate sentences around Cas. But Cas grinned again, nodding his head in agreement. Dean placed the narrow part of the slice between Castiel's dry lips, and watched attentively as the other man took a big bite from it.

Dean almost drooled, but he believed it was his hunger actually craving the onion pizza. Dean put the slice back in the box, rubbing the crumbs out of his hand. "It's good?"

Castiel continued chewing, looking chirpy during the process. When he was done, he looked up at Dean, opening his mouth widely enough to give Dean some unexpected thoughts. "Does my breath stink yet?"

Dean smirked. "I'd rather not get too close to test it out. Onions are gross."

"Your loss," Cas said, and it sounded challenging. Dean refused to believe what both his brains wanted to believe.

"You should finish up that pizza," Dean suggested, taking a few steps to his left, away from Cas. Dean couldn't resist, though, turning back to his friend and taking a last look before leaving. Cas looked giddy, like he was savoring this moment. He was looking at Dean, expecting him to say something else.

Dean rushed back to Castiel, impulsively tangling hands around him and pulling him close. Cas looked shocked, perplexed, but more than anything, excited. Dean's mouth was a single inch away from Cas', and if either of them were to move any closer, just lean in a little, they would have no other choice but to crush each other's lips. Dean took in a breath, sniffing the air around him. Onions had a strong scent to them that lingered in a person's mouth.

"Yes, Cas," Dean whispered. "Your breath reeks." Dean let go of his friend, forming a side smile on his face. Castiel looked breathless beneath him, both his hands gripping tightly on the chair's armrests. Cas was pale white. His eyes kept switching from Dean's eyes to his lips. Dean felt satisfied, so he stroked his hair and left the house without another look back.

***

 _Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck._ What had Dean just done?

He was pretty sure he had just pulled one of his best moves on one of his friends—a friend who didn't have bouncy breasts or curvy hips. Cas had wonderfully shaped hips, yes, but he also had a dick that was clearly visible against those skin-tight leather pants he wore today.

Dean was fucking losing it.

He made it home somehow, eyes wide and alert, regret boiling his flesh. He half-assed the parking, dropped the keys on the dinner table, and dropped down to his couch, staring blankly ahead.

Out of nowhere, Sammy showed up next to him on the couch, but he could hardly focus on his brother. He tried to come up with false excuses for his action, and for explanations he could give to Cas the next day.

"Are you possessed or something?" Sammy asked, taking away Dean's concentration.

Dean turned to his brother, blinking a few times. "I don't know, but would that be a believable reason for hitting on someone?"

Sammy laughed. "Maybe in another universe." Dean didn't react to that, so Sammy formed a worried crease on his forehead. "Who did you hit on that you want to take it back? Dean, please don't tell me you're messing with Jo because she's with Chuck—"

"Not her," Dean said sharply. "It's someone else."

Sam nodded attentively. "Alright, so what's the problem?"

Dean felt himself figuratively pulling away from his brother. How to share with him everything that was so confusing in his mind? He didn't even understand what was going on with him. "Sammy, have you ever liked someone that you knew you shouldn't like…because of multiple reasons, not just incompatibility?"

His brother looked as perplexed as Dean felt. "Is this your way of hinting again that Ruby isn't for me and that I should leave her at the middle of the highway to get run over?"

Dean felt a small grin forming. "You should have taken my advice the first time. Now it's probably too late."

Sammy glared. "If we're going to argue about this, then I can just get out of your hair right now."

Dean looked up at his brother; he was seriously too enormous to fit normal standards. "I don't really want you to kill her. You'd go to prison, and what good would that do to us? No, Sammy. Besides, I wasn't talking about her, either."

Sammy took a deep breath. "I'm lost, Dean. I'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure this is the first time you've ever come to me for relationship advice."

"That's because you'd never been in one before," Dean muttered. "Never mind. Just forget I even brought it up."

Sammy didn't look away, looking suspiciously at the green of Dean's eyes. "I may not have much experience in the field, but I know you, Dean, to the tip of your fingers. This  _wrong_  person must have a pretty tight handle on you. When was the last time you attacked a cheeseburger, or finished your one slice of pie?"

Dean hated when his brother was right, especially this time. He had been paying more attention to Dean's eating habits than he was aware of. But lack of hunger didn't mean anything. He was just tired. He still hadn't gotten laid. It all  _had_  to tie in together. "Well, that's enough of the sappy chitchat. I'll see you in the morning."

Sam watched Dean skip to his bedroom, for the fourth time in the week, without dinner. Meanwhile, Dean was entertaining the idea of possession to explain his near-kissing experience with Castiel. He mentally crossed his fingers, wishing his friend would simply not bring it up.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're late," Bela accused, as Dean walked into the pizzeria.

Dean clocked in; rubbing the remaining gunk in his eyes he'd missed at home. Dean had no reason for being late for work due to oversleeping. His shift started at two in the afternoon. But Dean couldn't shut his eyes the entire night before. His brain wouldn't let him rest. He ended up sleeping at seven in the morning, and woke up exactly at two. His untidiness got him to work only fifteen minutes late, and yet people bitched.

Bela picked up the boxes of pizzas, sliding them towards Dean, too fast for Dean to catch with his half-awoken reflexes, sending the pizzas to the ground. The two at the top fell open, leaving only one of them intact.

Dean heard laughter from someone, but he didn't feel like arguing with anyone at the moment. Bela called him an idiot with a shaky voice, heading to pick up the evidence.

The not-so-new guy with the same name as Cas' younger brother walked next to him, offering him the lollipop that was previously in his mouth. "Shall I call you Losechester from now on?"

Dean sent him the dirtiest look he could manage with the fuzzy vision he had. "Not unless you want to lose your tongue."

"Ooh, touchy," Gabriel said. "I like a good threat."

Ash handed Dean the olive jar. "Throw this down. When Crowley comes out, we can just tell him that's what fell. Adam's the one in charge of the ingredients. He'll get all the blame."

"I'm not going to throw an innocent guy into the pit," Dean snapped. "What kinda person do you think I am?"

Bela had put the pizzas back in the boxes, but the huge marinara spot on the floor was still pretty revealing. Dean knew he should have gone to get the mop to clean it up. He knew he should have done something more than stand idly by as Bela cleaned up what should have been his mess. He didn't move, though.

"Dean, what are you still doing here?" Chuck asked, in his alarmed, nervous tone.

Crowley's voice was roaring and fierce as he opened the door of his office. "What was all the bloody clatter about?"

Chuck gulped. Ash headed to the corner of the room, concentrating on his next pizza. Bela had moved to the other extreme of the table, pulling out various ingredients.

"The pizzas fell," Dean stated calmly. A part of him was asking for what was coming for him.

Gabriel laughed, and Dean realized he was the one who'd laughed before. Dean could come up with dozens more threats for the guy.

Crowley stepped around the puddle of the red sauce, hands behind his back, and lips in a tight, forceful grin. "Ah, Mr. Winchester. Mind you explaining how a set of pizzas could miraculously descend to the ground without a certain force provoking them?"

Dean wasn't as scared as he always suspected he'd be when his time came to visit Crowley's office. He was thankful to Cas and his confusion for not allowing him to clearly take in the trouble he was in. Although he was almost completely sure he'd get fired for sure, he wasn't concerned. He could find a new, better job.

"My hands are slippery," Dean said, sure of himself. He had nothing to lose, really.

Crowley snickered humorlessly for a second, before signaling with his index finger for Dean to follow after him. Crowley turned around, and Dean turned to Chuck, shrugging at him. Chuck shook his head quickly, biting on his lower lip. Dean grinned faintly at Ash, who peeked at him through the pepperoni container. Then he turned to Gabriel, snatching the lollipop from his mouth, and dropping it to the floor.

"Just like taking candy from a baby."

Gabriel winked. "Now we're talking."

***

Crowley's office was small, in comparison to the entire size of the building. He had nothing hung up on the walls, and on his desk, the only objects were the computer monitor and keyboard. Dean didn't picture anything more, really.

Signaling Dean to take the chair across from his desk, Crowley sat on his own, arms folded across his chest, and a sly smile on his face. Dean pretended to smirk bravely. The "confusion" effect was wearing off.

"Can we cut to the chase?" Dean said, in a hopeless tone.

Crowley puckered his lips, his beard groomed today. "Dean Winchester, I have been expecting you for some time."

Dean stared blankly. "I woke up late."

His boss groaned, desperately. "Not today, dumbass. You bloody Americans do not comprehend simple English anymore. Pity."

Dean sighed. He expected this meeting to take long, but it sounded like Crowley wanted to mess with him the entire day.

"Ash is real damage, isn't he?" Crowley said. Dean didn't respond. "You know, he would have been gone by now, if it weren't for you, Dean."

Dean widened his eyes, in shock and confusion. "I didn't realize I had a say in his job security."

"Your opinion matters to me," Crowley stated, and Dean could puke.

"What the fuck are you saying?" Dean couldn't help the question. Even if he could, he wouldn't take it back.

Crowley stood from his chair, leaving it rocking back and forth, as he moved in front of Dean, reclining against his desk. "I know what you do." Crowley smiled a wicked grin, while Dean tried to make sense of the situation. "You leave for hours, sometimes you don't come back. Chuck can't hide it, and neither can you. Nothing gets past me, Dean."

Dean shrugged, keeping his expressions clear. "Then why haven't you done anything about it? Fire me already."

Crowley shook his head, offended. "I would never do such a thing, Winchester. Not to you."

"Is this your new technique for scaring your employees, because it's definitely working on me?" Dean didn't care about his pride at the moment; he just wanted Crowley to shut up.

"Tell me, Dean," Crowley murmured, leaning his head closer to Dean's. There was only so much space for Dean to move back to. "Ash is more than a friend to you?"

" _What?_ " Dean pressed hands against Crowley's approaching face, shoving him back to the desk. He jerked himself up, and stood behind the chair.

Crowley looked furious as he stepped toward Dean, with no sign of patience. "I will make you a deal, just this once, Winchester. I want you. In my house. This night. Or you and your boyfriend lose your jobs."

"Are you…like…are you trying to  _seduce_  me?" Dean never imagined having to say that word in front of Crowley. It was repulsive just remembering the proximity between them just seconds ago.

Crowley's face was inappropriately close to Dean's again, their lips already angled. Dean glared, ready to put up a fight. "I'm offering you a chance to make more money," Crowley murmured.

Dean chuckled, actually amused at this man. "Sorry to disappoint, but this body isn't for sale." He moved even closer, right in front of Crowley's forehead. Dean was taller. "I have evidence of you insulting every one of us on a daily basis, and of you stealing ten boxes of pizzas the day before thanksgiving. And also, I will mention the sexual harassment to my lawyer." Dean pulled out his cell phone, which was turned off, but it was all he had to work with.

Crowley gulped, backing away. "You're bluffing."

Of course he was, but if there was one thing Dean was good at, it was lying. And lying well. "I'd rather not try to prove me wrong, if I were you, McCloud." His boss glared at Dean, tightening his jaw. "Oh, and since we're offering deals, here's my counter. You cool down on the yelling, and demanding. You give Ash, Chuck, and me a raise. And lastly, you don't ever get that close to me again. It's sad, you know, having to throw yourself at your employees. Have some dignity, man."

Dean took one last glance at Crowley. His boss was looking away, but Dean was sure the deal was made. He'd cornered Crowley into obedience. Dean felt proud, but most of all, he felt in control again.

* * *

Ash and Chuck followed Dean questioningly after Bela had given him the new pizzas. Dean couldn't erase the smug smile on his face. He turned to them when he hit the door, looking past them at an angrier Bela. "I'll be back for my last deliveries, darling." Dean looked at Chuck seriously, "I'll be expecting you to turn me into a complete hero in the next series of your book." Then to Ash, "Bro, you better take me out to dinner next weekend."

Both of then stared back at Dean, confused by his requests. Ash was the first one to ask why. Chuck just wanted to know why there had been a lack of violent screaming in Crowley's office.

Dean licked his lips quickly. "You should both expect a big, fat paycheck soon."

Before either of them asked anything else, Dean speeded out the door, and into Baby. If he was fucking shit over today, why not go all the way? He looked in his rearview mirror, happy to see his good-looking reflection, even with the dark bags under his weary eyes.

Dean went through his deliveries, feeling good about himself. He decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea to drive around, like he accustomed to do. He was hungry, since he hadn't eaten dinner the night before, and skipped breakfast that morning because he was barely gaining sleep by sunrise. So, he headed to Denny's.

Dean ordered all-you-can-eat pancakes, drowned them in syrup, and sprinkled them with chocolate chips. Sammy would have complained about Dean's unhealthy food choices, he could almost hear him on the back of his mind. But Sammy wasn't around, and Dean would be the only judge of what he should or should not be eating. And right about now, he felt like he should eat a stack full of sugary-filled-liquid pancakes.

After his well-deserved late breakfast, Dean asked for—more like demanded—a nice, warm slice of apple pie with vanilla ice cream on the top. With all the hunger he'd forgotten about on past days, he nearly swallowed the crummy dessert in one bite. He tried to hide his satisfied burp from the pretty waitress, but he could only suppress the first one. He tried to make it up by sending her one of his highly reserved smiled, but she didn't seem so interested.

Once his belly was ready to explode, he remembered his other physical need he'd been neglecting. Sex. He needed to have sex. With anyone.

Then again, not just with anyone. Dean still had requirements. He had to pick his prey very delicately. He had to make sure he wouldn't pick out a clingy chick that'd fall for him after the first night. Dean didn't have the patience for that anymore. Not after his failed one-year relationship with Lisa. She was mainly the reason Dean had dropped out of high school, and had ended up in his miserable job. Though now he was kind of enjoying it.

It was too early to go to any of his favorite bars, and he wasn't ready to head back to work just yet, so Dean drove to see his personal doctor. This wasn't the first time Dean considered paying Castiel a visit without a pizza in his hands, but it was the first time he'd hurried to the Impala before he could change his mind.

Dean parked Baby on the side of the road, climbing out of her, worried she'd get even the smallest scratch. He decided to take the risk, regardless, and walked up to Cas' front porch. While he waited there, after he'd ringed the doorbell, he wondered quickly why his train of thought led him to think of Cas, when seconds before, he'd been thinking about picking up a random girl at a bar.

This thought brought back the memories from the day before, when he acted so erratically with his friend. He'd made a mental note to try to evade him when he delivered his next pizza, and now all his efforts were wasted, because once again, Dean had proved to be the dumb son.

"Dean?" Cas said, walking outside, and shutting the door behind him in one motion. "What are you doing here? I didn't order any pizza."

Dean raised his free hands. "Yeah, that's why I didn't bring any."

Cas nodded, looking unsteady, moving his hands around the length of his long-sleeve, button up white shirt. He looked much too dressy for this time of the day. Dean hadn't seen Cas in that blue tie before.

"Am I bothering you?" Dean asked, regretting not going home instead. "I had some free time, and decided to drop by."

"No, it's not. Well—"

The door opened behind Cas, and a broody looking man stood beside it. "You've got a visitor, Castiel. I didn't know you'd made new friends."

Dean stared at Cas, feeling instant betrayal deep in his guts. He knew it was irrational, but he still felt it. "I didn't know you had other friends either, Cas."

Cas looked back at the man, chuckling nervously, moving to stand inside of his house now. "Yes, Balthazar, this is Dean Winchester. He delivers my pizzas." He barely locked eyes with Dean as he murmured, "Dean, my brother, Balthazar."

It was silly for Dean to feel betrayed, but sometimes clarifying things sooner would help ease the tension rising to his chest. "Pleased to meet you." He extended his hand, one that Balthazar shook without a hesitation. He had a strong, firm grip for his average shape. Castiel's brother glanced at Dean skeptically, almost like he was suspicious of a foul play, which made no relevance at the moment.

"Pizza delivery man, you say," Balthazar spoke in a much softer voice than his brother. "Are these supposed to be invisible meals?"

Dean couldn't do more than force a thin smile on his face. "Actually, I just came by because…" Dean turned to Cas, who looked incredibly afraid and ready to hide under a blanket. "I came because Cas was having car trouble, and since I know a thing or two about cars, I offered a hand."

"Or a finger," Balthazar susurrated, and Dean wasn't sure if he was supposed to have heard that. "Well, baby brother, it looks like you don't need a third wheel. I'll come back some other day for dinner. Hey, thanks again for letting me park my jaguar inside your garage. I can't trust the side of the road."

Dean snorted. "I hear that."

Balthazar turned to Baby, letting out a soft sigh. "I don't know if that thing deserves to have a parking space anywhere." He put on his fancy pea coat on and walked away slower than Dean would have preferred. His rage could hit Crowley levels, and the last thing he wanted was to add cold-blooded homicide to his list of flaws.

"Dean, he didn't mean that," Cas said, reaching for Dean's shoulder, but retracting his hand once Dean followed it with his eyes. "Would you like to come in? I have lots of food, if you're hungry."

Taking his eyes off of Balthazar, who cynically waved at him, he followed Castiel inside. Dean was in a very good mood today, and he was not going to allow one of Cas' brothers to ruin it for him. "Thanks, but I just came from eating."

"Oh, alright," Cas said, landing on his leather chair. Dean took his, and he let out a comfortable breath. "Why are you ditching work, if I may ask?"

Dean laughed loudly. "You wouldn't believe what happened at work today." Dean wasn't sure if he was okay with telling Cas about this, but he'd always had trouble keeping things from him. "My boss, Crowley, took me into his office after that bitch I told you about passed me some pizzas I didn't catch. He started talking all weird, saying that my opinions mattered to him, and talking about Ash. All I wanted was for him to sign my last check after he fired me, but he went way off track. You know what he did? I still can't understand where the fuck that came from."

"What did he do, Dean?" Cas looked worried, and a bit more aggravated than ever.

"Well, after he came onto me, he tried to threaten me with firing me and Ash if I didn't go to his house tonight. So I blackmailed him. I have no hard evidence on him, but he can't be sure of that."

Castiel sat up flat on his chair, eyes hard and dark against Dean's. "What exactly did he do to you, Dean? I can get you the best lawyer in the country and we can put that awful man in jail. Do not be subtle, Dean. We can't let him get away with this."

"Relax, Cas. I took care of it. I told him I had my own lawyer. If he didn't believe my word, I was thinking of putting Sammy in my old prom suit and making him go up there to scare the shit out of him. Luckily, he didn't fight back." Dean smiled. "It would be fun to do that to Sam, anyway. I may just go through with it after all."

"This isn't funny, Dean," Cas said firmly. "Sexual harassment shouldn't be taken lightly."

Dean grimaced. "I get it. Don't have to sound so strict."

"I'm just worried that if you continue working there, he could try something else. You have to be on the lookout. Don't turn your back on him."

Dean sighed. "You don't have to tell me twice."

Cas seemed to relax, just a smidge, sliding down on his chair, pulling out the feet recliner. He turned on the TV, surfing the channels. "This will sound wrong, but I'm glad you made my brother leave."

Dean chuckled. He really was happy today. "Hard ass big brother?"

"More like the wild big brother who wants to take my parent's place, but simultaneously I must watch him like a hawk so he doesn't do anything stupid."

"I'm pretty sure you and Sammy would get along really well," Dean contemplated.

Cas settled for an episode of Dr. Sexy M.D., while Dean let his jaw drop so close to the ground. "It'd be so nice to meet him someday. He sounds intelligent."

"You…" Dean tried to blink, react normally again. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry. "You watch Dr. Sexy. M.D.?"

Cas simply smiled and nodded.

"Why? No, that's not the right question. The question is: why haven't we watched the marathon episodes together already?"

Castiel widened his smile, letting out a small chuckle. "I take it you're a big fan of the show."

"I mean, if you consider doing detailed research on every aspect of the show being a big fan, then no, I don't have the time for that. But I have watched most episodes. It's usually on in the mornings before work. I record them and then watch them at night when I get home."

Cas turned to Dean again, tilting his head to the side, curiously searching his features. Dean couldn't help feeling self-conscious. No one had watched him so dedicatedly before. Not to this extent. Cas cleared his throat, snapping out of it. "We should do the marathon. You'll just have to let me know when it's on."

Dean could almost see the sudden burst of happiness radiating within him. He was beaming like a little kid at an amusement park. "That's why I fucking like you," Dean blurted out. And this time, he'd gone too far. Castiel hadn't moved his eyes away from him after his last sentence, and both of them waited very still on their chairs for the other to speak. On the flatscreen, Dr. Sexy was hooking up with his prohibited love, and Dean could hear the moans and groans of pleasure from the characters.

"Dean," Castiel said, one quick word that sent a shiver through Dean's spine. He acted on impulse again, speeding out of his chair, and falling on top of Castiel. Their bodies pressed so close and tight together. Dean knew he shouldn't have attacked his friend, but he never quite learned the true meaning of well-behavior.

It was sloppy, but Dean crushed Castiel's lips without a thought. He was sure that his lips had been craving Castiel since the first day he laid eyes on him. Dean spread his legs around Castiel, locking him in place. Dean sat on his lap, aware of hands running on his back, under his heavy jacket. It was too hot on his skin to be comfortable anymore. He was enormously thankful when Cas nearly ripped it apart as he took it off. The dryness of Castiel's lips gave an extra ability to them. They were rough and much more powerful than he'd expected. Dean couldn't stop to think, all he wanted was to test out the waters. Get this itch off his back once and for all. He moved hands to Castiel's hair, tangling fingers on it. Castiel was already working with pulling off Dean's shirt, but he broke their mouths to gasp for air, moving straight to his neck.

Dean let out a pleasurable sound, something he'd missed hearing for some time. Soon after, he decided it was time to attack Castiel's lips once again. The scent of his mouth was much too irresistible to forget. It didn't have a hint of onions in it. It was a mixture of peppermint and green tea, and a free trip to paradise. Dean had forgotten his reasons for denying the need for this. The growing tension between them had to be tended to sooner or later, though. Dean would have hated himself if he'd missed out on Castiel's tongue battling its way inside Dean's mouth. Once he let him in, running hands to his neck, Cas brought him closer. A low roar escaping Castiel's glorious lips, and Dean could feel the tight pressure in his cock, becoming noticed by his homemade seat.

Castiel broke the heated kiss again, staring up at Dean with adventurous eyes. Dean didn't want him to stop. Now that he'd started it, he was determined to finish it, and Cas didn't seem to be against it. Through their silent communication, they agreed to continue without having to discuss their actions. Dean ran open-mouth kisses down Castiel's jaw, pressing his growing erection to Castiel's, listening to Castiel's rough, complicated breathing and feeling the heavy pulse of his heart after every kiss. He decided to be bold, since he realized how easy it was to do this with Castiel, and he took small bites on his lower neck, knowing he'd leave bruises.

"Dean," Cas breathed, letting out a moan that surpassed the ones that were still going on in the show, though Dean could hardly hear them now.

_"How your restless hungry eyes…speak of cloudy summer skies. The morning dew turns into rain…"_

A very obnoxious noise case from one of Castiel's pocket. Dean would have recognized the song if he hadn't been so busy sucking on Castiel's flesh. He pressed his lips against the skin he'd just bitten, soothingly. Castiel returned the kiss onto Dean's lips, just once, before shoving him to the armrest, and picking out the small cell phone from his front pocket. Dean waited, biting his lips anxiously as Castiel restored his no longer hungry expression, and became a professional doctor. "Dr. Novak speaking."

Dean held back his laughter, untangling both his legs and his fingers, attempting to get down. Cas gripped the arm around Dean's waist harder, sending him a strong, warning glare Dean couldn't disobey.

Castiel sighed disappointedly. "Yes, I'll be there immediately." He shut his phone, dropping it to his carpet, and pulling Dean back to his old position, pulling his face toward his and planting his healed lips against Dean's once more, this time softer and much less aggressively. He finished with three more quick pecks before allowing Dean to get away from him. Cas stood up, more stable than Dean felt. He sent him a bright grin, and headed upstairs without a word.

Dean cracked his neck, licked his lips to taste the lingering flavor of Castiel, and shut his eyes in hope to remember their previous interaction. He opened his eyes quickly, aware of how stupid he felt. He was certainly not a teenager anymore. He had no right to feel this way about Cas. He shouldn't have acted the way he did. But he had to try. He couldn't resist the urge to do what he'd just done. And now that he'd tried it, he knew how much he'd enjoyed it, and he knew he would want more. The problem would be, was Cas willing to offer it?

***

"My patient's had an emergency," Castiel spoke quickly, pulling on his coat. "At least dinner's ready for when I return." He stopped by the front door, turning to Dean, who still waited at the bottom of the stairs. "I guess I should let you know that I won't be ordering pizza tonight. I made Chicken Alfredo and a bunch of garlic bread. I even baked some onions in aluminum foil. It's a shame I'll have to eat alone, though."

Dean could almost read the hint on Castiel's forehead, so he smiled, walking closer to his friend, but keeping a safe distance. "I like garlic bread. Also stinky, but at least the taste is worth it."

Cas looked at the ground, coyly. "Come back around eight. I'll have everything reheated."

There was no real explanation for Dean's heart to lose control at that, but it did. "I don't know if we're going to talk about—"

Cas looked at his watch dramatically. "Would you look at the time? I'm sorry, Dean, but I've got to get going." Dean didn't have time to answer, as Castiel took him by the hand, and dragged him out the door. He gave Dean a last, short gaze before heading to his Hummer.

***

_"How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here."_

Dean took a deep breath, letting his mind float away, getting lost in one of his favorite Pink Floyd songs. He'd parked outside a bar. It was five in the afternoon, and the best place he could think of going to was a bar. Thirty minutes had gone by since he'd arrived, and he could still not find a good enough reason to walk inside.

Something told Dean that his mood and reactions were having an off day. What had happened with Castiel was a mistake, a fixable one, too. All he had to do was show up for dinner, tell his doctor friend that he was horny enough to jump a cactus, and they could both forget the heated moment between them.

Something else told Dean that his rationalization was off, also. He was in complete denial, whether he liked it or not. Dean wasn't indifferent to Cas.

Castiel was like a Christmas present. He knew he could unwrap him, but there was a chance that whatever was inside the packaging could either be socks or a brand new skin jacket. And leaving the analogy aside, there was still that detail concerning Cas' penis.

Dean had pushed those thoughts and memories deep into his mind; when he used to fantasize about making out with his science teacher, Mr. Garth Fitzgerald. He was his sixth grade teacher. He would always wear a puppet on his hand, and he would teach the beginning of class with it. Dean used to think he was awesome, though at the time he would try to convince his classmates he hated it because they were supposed to be big kids.

He also remembered enjoying wearing Cassie's panties one day after sex. She thought Dean would be offended by it, or simply refuse the offer, but he grabbed the satiny underwear and put them on. He liked the feel of them; although pink had never been his preferred color. He felt more like himself inside them.

Dean had felt a vague attraction to some of his male friends, and it had never been so terrible to realize it because he knew it wouldn't change things. He would never have acted on it. He'd never wanted it enough. But with Cas, everything was different. His senses were much stronger. His need was bigger.

If he'd only gotten laid before.

Now, all he wanted was to forget he ever gave into his fantasy (well, a fraction of it) and try to pretend it never happened. But all his dick wanted was to get sucked dry by Cas.

Dean was a weak man when it came to his desires, and he knew drowning himself with the right amount of alcohol would make him unable to function correctly, like it'd happened with Meg. Yet there was still the probability that he wouldn't get the right intake of purple nurples, and rather than making him run from Cas, he'd chase after him looking like a fucking unicorn, with his horn sticking out in all its glory.

Then there was the curiosity. What would it be like to fuck Cas? Would trying it out absolve him from further investigation? Maybe all he really needed was a change of merchandise from time to time. Castiel, being as different as he was, would only help him with increasing his variety.

With this mentality, Dean had convinced himself he hadn't lost his manhood. He headed home to shower, pick out a decent outfit, and spray half his special-occasion cologne on.


	5. Chapter 5

"Did you break the bottle on your costume?" Sammy wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Dean decided not to send him a good eye roll. He finally felt like he was maturing in his decision-making.

"I swear to you, Dean, you are hooked on tighter than a fish." Sammy appeared in Dean's mirror reflection, smirking. "I can almost hear the wedding bells."

Dean stilled, hands frozen where they were straightening his blazer. "Don't you have better things to be doing? Your girlfriend dead yet?"

Sammy scowled at Dean. "If something happens to her one of these days, I won't defend you in court."

"Shut up, bitch," Dean grinned. "The day I come home telling you I'm engaged, feel free to prepare my own funeral."

Sammy shrugged, indifferently. "We could have a double wedding."

At that, Dean had to control his idiot-brother-punching reaction. He swooshed his hair instead. "Sammy, I don't like where this is going." He turned away from the mirror, finally satisfied with his appearance. His brother seriously had to shrink a little bit. "Marriage is a lie. In your case, marriage would be the guillotine, but that's putting it nicely."

"Hope your mystery date goes well," Sammy sighed. "Are you sure didn't land with a witch who could possibly be waiting for you with a tub of boiling water?"

"You watch too much Disney," Dean said, patting his brother's long back on his way out.

***

Dean decided to knock on Castiel's front door, rather than ringing his doorbell. He believed this different occasion could use some small changes.

"Hello, Dean," Cas said, locking eyes with him as soon as the door was open. Dean stepped inside, flashing a quick smile.

Dean suddenly felt sorry for not bringing Cas anything. A bouquet of flowers would have been over the top, but a bottle of wine would have been perfect. He wasted most of his afternoon making up his mind and then getting ready, though. It was a good day to ditch work today. Chuck wasn't surprised when Dean called in to let him know he wouldn't show up at all.

Inside the house, a new aroma consisting of lavender and a hint of honey welcomed him. Dean didn't know what to make of the restlessness he felt in his tummy. He wasn't sure whether this was an actual date.

"Dinner's served already," Cas announced, a bit too hurriedly. He stood against the counter, while Dean grabbed one of the two chairs. Dean and Cas shared a short, intense stare down before Cas pulled out his baked onions from the oven.

"Can you eat a meal without those things?" Dean asked, running eyes over the complete feast in front of him. There was one lit candle in the middle of the table. The plates were obvious fine china. The garlic bread was laid out beautifully on a separate plate. The side salad was aligned with his main dish, and he had both a glass of water, and one of wine. Not even on holidays had his dinners looked this fancy.

Castiel took his chair, sending Dean a careful grin. Dean thought that Cas' shyness was endearing. It wasn't like they were strangers anymore, though they weren't just plan buddies either. "I've become practically addicted to onions."

"I can tell," Dean said. "I think it's time we give you a discount on your pizzas. You're the most consistent customer."

Cas looked straight at Dean, twisting his fork around his noodles. He scrunched his nose a little. "Would you mind if we don't talk about work tonight?"

Dean smiled. "Yeah, of course, we can change the subject. Uh, have you listened to the Kansas record I loaned you?"

His friend took a small bite from his food, nodding, smiling and chewing simultaneously.

Dean took a bite from the food, and it was glorious in his mouth. Not as much as Cas' tongue from earlier in the day, but it would do. Dean was reminded of his savage hunger after the pleading grumble coming from his body. He continued eating quietly, now and then sharing short, intense glances with Cas. They both got done without saying much. Dean had manners, though, so he took his time to thank and complement Castiel's cooking.

After both plates were scrubbed clean, Castiel peeled off the foil from the onions. He stripped the fine cuts and stuffed them in one by one, seemingly happy. Meanwhile, Dean couldn't take his eyes off of Cas' working mouth. It was such a wonderful thing.

"You sure you're not a chef?" Dean said, picking up their plates and taking them to the sink. "I'm sure you have another degree you haven't told me about." Dean saw the messy sink and couldn't resist preparing the water to do the dishes. He poured the lemony soap into the water, taking the sponge in his hands.

Two warm hands came around his waist from behind, and Dean swallowed his breath. The pair of hands were timid, but they gave Dean reassurance somehow. Cas moved them to Dean's forearms, making him release the sponge. Castiel's lips moved close to Dean's earlobe, and he whispered, "I can be anything you want."

How Dean managed to giggle without slapping himself was a total mystery. "You are very sneaky, aren't you?" He tried to turn around slowly, afraid Cas would let him go.

Castiel's face was just inches away from his, though it felt like an open field of space between them. Dean licked his lips, gazing down at the darker, dilated blue eyes in front of him, watching him intently. Dean didn't want to wrap his arms around Cas, but it was only 'cause they were wet and soapy. So, he flashed a seductive grin.

"Here's the thing, Dean," Cas murmured, reaching closer to Dean, where he could smell the light fragrance from the onions. Dean found it didn't bother him in the slightest. "I'm usually busy, working day and night. My social life is nonexistent. And the last thing I wish to be doing right now with my mouth is speaking, but something tells me I should say this. I don't want to frighten you, too." Dean felt the hands around his waist tighten. He knew Cas was talking about the Crowley incident. "What we did earlier today came as a surprise because—"

Dean couldn't stand hearing more pointless babbling, so he silenced Castiel's lips with his own. He sloppily dried his hands on his pants before pressing them against Castiel's back and bringing their chests together. Dean felt the blood rushing to his crotch, tightening his pants. It was like his dick immediately became alert at the sight of Cas. And with a simple kiss it was awake and ready to go.

"You waste too much time," Dean accused, unbuttoning Castiel's shirt and moving lips to his shoulders. Castiel made noises that his dick also recognized and dearly enjoyed.

Cas pulled Dean's lips back to his, right after mumbling, "Didn't want to scare you." He took off Dean's blazer as easily as he'd done with his jacket before. Then they started walking backwards, out of the kitchen. Cas moved lips to Dean's jaw, his cheek, to the side of his eyes, like he was savoring the flavor coming from Dean's skin. And Dean tried to do the same with his tongue.

Their two sets of hands appeared to be playing twister, as they managed to get upstairs without rolling down them. They stopped making out in order to laugh, when they leaned in too desperately and knocked their foreheads together. They made it to Cas' bedroom more agitated than before.

Dean had to be led by Castiel's legs walking him backwards. Dean had stopped working with Cas' buttons, aware that the shirt was open already. Dean removed one of his hands, pressing it against Cas' bare chest, breaking off their kiss to take in the image. He'd never realized there was a well-built body underneath the regular suits his friend wore. He looked up at Cas, taking a deep, lustful breath before moving into his mouth again. The door behind him was opened after a few more markings Dean made sure to leave on Cas' neck, and a bunch more sounds that should have been prohibited from existing.

"Dean," Cas nearly shouted, pulling up his shirt, seemingly impatient by the amount of clothing still on him. Dean stared at Castiel's firm expression, amused at the seriousness involved in taking off the t-shirt.

Cas' lips looked much softer, and they tasted even better, ignoring the minimum scent of onion left behind. Though, Dean couldn't imagine Cas ever tasting bad. He took him in his arms again, feeling that once faded fire lighting up his body. He couldn't remember the last time he desired someone as much as he desired Castiel. There was a need to lock their mouths and tongues together, to play with his hair and touch every section of his skin.

Dean removed Cas' shirt, and pressed their bodies together, heat radiating from their flesh. Dean pushed Cas closer to his king-sized bed, which looked very appetizing from his perspective. He gave a last wet kiss on the lips before running hands to his sides, descending them to his hips. Dean felt the pressure in his jeans almost painful, and he knew he had to let it escape sooner or later. But now, all he wanted was to memorize Castiel's shape.

"I want you," Cas whispered, breathless, as Dean moved his mouth to Cas' chest, taking a small moment to kiss a mole near his nipple. "Now."

Dean grinned, pushing Cas to the bed, falling on top of him. Cas reached for the zipper in his pants, but Dean held his hand to stop him. "You selfish son of a bitch," Dean said, invading Castiel's mouth with a tender kiss. "I want you, too."

There was an extremely delightful moment soon after in which all the desperation has dissolved into sweet longing. And it wasn't hurried at all. They lied on the bed, mouths connected. Dean moved his hands to Castiel's hair, twisting his hands around it, having a few stubborn fingers caressing Cas' face instead. Cas had his hands around Dean's naked back, softly touching every space, occasionally digging a nail or two in his skin.

It was right then when Dean realized that this wouldn't be just a one night stand, not just a meaningless fling. At least  _he_  didn't want it to be just a one-time thing. The way Cas placed his hands so tenderly against Dean's rough skin felt like the tickle from a feather. The way their tongues scavenged for contact and both of them were willing to give and receive it. Castiel's lips kept blending with Dean's, making it feel like they should have always been this way, combined against one another. Dean was in complete joy, hitting his peek with just this simple interaction.

"Cas," Dean breathed, parting their lips for a heavy gasp. Castiel moaned in response, and this sound felt more heated than his body temperature.

Castiel gazed at Dean, his eyes an ocean blue. Dean felt the hands holding him tighten, and a second later, he'd been rolled to his back. Cas looked playful, like he was ready to make this happen. Dean didn't know what to expect at this point, but he knew Cas wouldn't disappoint him.

Dean let out a shaky breath when Castiel placed the side of his face against his chest, very seriously. Before Dean could ask, Cas spoke in a hoarse tone, "I believe your heart rate is too fast for comfort."

"Yeah, doc? I think it can go a little faster. Try me."

Cas gave Dean a scornful look, kissing the place on his chest right above his heart. "I'd be worried if I didn't know the reason of its speeding." Cas was at the foot of the bed, on his knees, sliding his hands on Dean's chest to his pants. It was amazing how fast he could remove a pair of jeans, or any clothing, from Dean.

Dean shut his eyes, biting his lower lip. His overgrown erection was released, and quickly taken into a warm, much more comfortably secluded space. Cas moved slowly, licking the head of his dick a few times. Dean was careful not to move so fast and choke his friend, but he couldn't do anything about the inhuman scream escaping his lips.

Cas could suction like a vacuum. Dean took a handle of his hair again, hoping to cradle it without any rush in the action. He felt hands around his thighs, gripping tight. Castiel's tongue worked its magic much more quickly than anyone else had ever come close to. Dean came in Cas' mouth, and he could feel the room spinning, even in the darkness beneath his eyelids.

"Dammit, Cas," Dean gasped. "You're fucking good."

Castiel chuckled quietly, appearing on top of Dean, chin against his chest. He batted his eyelashes in a way Dean hadn't expected to ever see from his friend. But he instantly loved it. "I have a PhD."

Dean grinned, rolling both of them back to how they'd started. Dean went to sit near Cas' legs, hands heading for the slacks. Castiel stayed still, sending Dean a wondering glance, and then sitting up on the bed. Dean turned to Cas, smiling a little. Honestly, yeah, he had never done this before and it was fucking scary when you didn't want to come out looking like a dumbass.

"I'm not expecting anything, Dean," Cas whispered, and even then his voice was deep and rough. "The pressure is off your shoulders."

Dean shook his head, staring down at Castiel's crotch. A part of him was willing to explore what was beneath the fabric and return the favor, but the other just wanted to keep Cas' mouth against his own. He looked at Cas, licking his lips as his friend formed a small, almost unnoticeable pout. That was the only signal Dean needed, he was definitely going in for it now.

He was on his knees one movement later, spreading Castiel's legs apart and taking off his last pieces of clothing. Cas didn't make an attempt to stop Dean because they both knew they wanted this. Dean wasn't going to cause this man any sort of sadness if he could help it. "I'm going to show you, Cas, that you don't need a diploma to do this right." Dean might have regretted his tough talk, since he did doubt himself for a minute, but he didn't show it.

Cas revealed a playful, challenging smile, sending a hand to Dean's chin and moving his face closer. "I'll be the judge of that." He leaned in the rest of the way to crush his lips with Dean's. It was enough to make Dean hard again, except he'd had his turn, and now he shouldn't be greedy.

All throughout high school (the times he'd shown up), Dean believed he was straight and narrow. He thought it would improve his image, what with his broken up family and all. But if the sight of Castiel's penis didn't convince him that he was at least bisexual, then he didn't know what would. Of course, though, right now he didn't have the patience to overanalyze the reality of the situation. He only had one mission, and that was to please Castiel, to hear the various noises he created.

Without further anticipations, Dean took Cas into his mouth. Cas was hard, and had been for a while. Dean felt terrible for neglecting him so long. He moved hands around his friend's dick, remembering those lonely nights when his hands had been his only company. He knew how to do this to himself, so he should know how to do it to Castiel. Apparently, he was doing something right because Cas threw his head back, breathing heavily. He tasted the bitter liquid soon after, and Dean felt satisfied, but he didn't know swallowing it would leave such a bad aftertaste on his mouth. Castiel lied back on the bed, arms resting on his sides. Dean managed to clean up Cas, and he didn't grow bows on his hair for it.

Dean fell on top of the mattress, spread naked beside Castiel. They both stared up at the ceiling, waiting for their breathing to stabilize. It was strange realizing how comfortable Dean was feeling by being next to Castiel, undone. Dean was used to sneaking out the bedroom after his performance with the ladies, simply because he refused to fall asleep next to them. Some of them liked to cuddle.

Neither of them seemed to have any urgency to get up, or leave each other's company. In fact, Dean was drowsing to sleep, and he just really wanted to get under the covers. Cas turned to his side, forcing his eyes to stay open as he spoke. "It's late, Dean."

"I'm off tomorrow," Dean said, not sure if Cas was offering anything, or if Dean was accepting it.

Cas put a hand on Dean's shoulder, grinning. "Do you have to go?"

Dean should have been able to say yes because of so many reasons, but he couldn't recall them instantly, so he murmured an almost silent no. Cas reached the bedside lamp to turn it off, and then pulled out the covers. Dean made his way easily underneath them, turning to Castiel's complete look of contentment in the dim light coming through the window. Dean stayed very still on his side of the bed, and so did Cas. They smiled at each other before shutting their eyes.

It felt more like an impulse—because he was having lots of those—when Dean scooted closer to Castiel's body, throwing his arm around his waist. Dean had been sure Cas was already asleep, but the other man dropped his arm around Dean, and a leg around both of his. Dean sighed, noting how much he liked this.

* * *

"No, no, no, no," Dean babbled frantically, reading the screen on his phone. It was nearly ten in the morning.

"What is it?" Cas asked in the same tone, with his hair shaggy looking messier than ever and his eyes unable to open properly.

Dean dug out of the bed, carefully removing the hand that was still on his chest, and searching across the room for his clothes. "I can't believe I forgot about this." He didn't know how his jeans and underwear had made it to the nightstand, and the shirt to the piano in the room he hardly noticed last night, but he picked up the items and put them on.

Cas was putting on his own clothes, staring at Dean with worried eyes. "What is going on, Dean?"

Dean realized he was being a jackass, and extremely inappropriate, but this shit mattered to him. He just didn't know how to explain it correctly. He grabbed Cas and sat down with him on the bed. Dean smiled, amused by the messy version of Castiel he hadn't met before. Cas still couldn't open his eyes all the way, and there was a sleep-mark on his cheek. It was kind of cute actually.

"Sammy promised he would make chocolate-chip pancakes for breakfast today," Dean said, feeling the blood on his face, aware of how childish he was being for freaking out over possibly missing out on his pancakes.

Cas let out a deep breath, and yeah morning breath mixed with last night's meal and a hint of Dean's liquid wasn't that pleasant, but Dean was just as bad. "You woke me up because you are late for breakfast? I thought someone had died."

"My stomach will die if I don't feed it some of Sammy's special pancakes," Dean said, convinced that this was truly important. "Listen, if I don't get there in five minutes he will eat them all by himself. Or worse, he'll give them to his demon."

"What?"

Dean snickered, getting up again and grabbing his phone. "Doesn't matter. So, I guess I'll talk to you later? Pizzas don't deliver themselves."

Cas stared at Dean, a bit perplex as Dean rushed out of the room.

***

Dean found Baby safe and sound on the side of the road, and he let out a breath of relief, climbing inside her and patting the dashboard. He put the key in, turning it, but the engine wouldn't respond. He tried again, but the only effect was a small ticking sound. "Come on, Baby, don't do this to me. You can't do this to me."

Baby wouldn't budge. She stayed silent and asleep. Something deep down told Dean this was karma. His first thought was that he shouldn't have run out on Cas, and the second was that he shouldn't have left his Impala on the side of the road.

Dean opened the hood, taking a quick look inside. He knew exactly what the problem was. He knew his car in and out, and he knew just how to fix it. If only he had the right tools at hand. But they were back home. Miles away. The clock was still ticking and he was still running on an empty stomach. He knew what the solution to his problem would require.

Ashamed about his previous behavior, Dean returned to Castiel's front porch, ringing the doorbell. The answer took longer than expected. Castiel showed up with a towel wrapped around his waist, showing off his perfect hipbones. Dean's eyes fell directly towards Cas' mid-section.

"I was taking a shower," Cas explained, and Dean looked up to find wet hair filled with bits of shampoo. Dean licked his lips, unable to speak. Even after having spent the night next to this man, and having tasted every inch of him, he could go for more. "What happened to your pancake run?"

Dean didn't know if he had any rights, but he wasn't much of a law-abiding citizen anyway, so he pasted his mouth against Cas' pale lips. His hands were all over the other man's wet, dripping back.

Cas chuckled, pausing Dean's hands before they unwrapped his towel. "I have neighbors, you know."

"We can shut the door," Dean suggested, already shoving Cas inside and kicking the door shut with his foot.

Cas kissed Dean a bit more, still holding his hands in place. Moments later, right before things got too heated, Cas pushed Dean away, raising his brows at him. "Have you decided you prefer me over your breakfast, Dean?"

"Fuck yeah," Dean said, excitedly.  _What breakfast?_

"You can shower in the bathroom downstairs," Cas offered, walking to the staircase. "There are clean towels in the compartments."

Dean finally remembered why he'd returned to Castiel in the first place. "Can you drive me home?"

Cas turned around as he almost reached the second floor, smiling. "Only if there are pancakes and you stop smelling of sex."

"I don't share my food," Dean muttered as Castiel disappeared. He headed in for the shower without any other options.

***

"You won't tell Sammy what happened, alright?" Dean said, nervously adjusting his wrinkly shirt.

Cas didn't look away from the road as he drove. Dean did not like this Hummer. It was a hideous tank-wannabe brick. "Are you referring to the part where we had dinner or the part where we became intimate?"

Dean wished to blow his brains out, but he didn't have a gun with him. "Neither. I don't want him butting into my private things."

"How many private things do you currently have going on, Dean?" Castiel wondered, giving him a teasing grin.

Dean rolled his eyes. "You're my only private thing. Don't get all smug about it."

Cas nodded, smiling Dean's favorite smile. "Got it. Your brother will not suspect that I saw you naked."

"You love this, don't you?"

Cas sighed. "Shall I remind you that you were the one who clogged my mouth with your tongue first? I am merely a victim of your seduction spell."

Dean forced himself not to smirk. "I do have a talent when it comes to that."

"Now who's being smug?"

Dean turned to Cas at the same time Cas looked at Dean, and they shared a happy grin that reached both their eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

The wonderful smell of chocolate-chip pancakes welcomed Dean and Castiel to the small apartment. Dean tried to hide Cas as best as possible, knowing Sammy would have to see him sooner or later.

"Dean is that you?" Mary asked, and Dean felt guilty already. Lying to his mother had always felt wrong, unlike every other time he'd lied.

"Hi, mom," Dean murmured under his breath, widening his arms as he approached her with a tight smile. She was at the dining table, with a plate full of pancakes in front of her. The last thing he saw before his mother took him in for a big embrace was Sammy staring straight at Cas from the kitchen.

Castiel stepped away from the hallway and into the dining room, grinning at Mary. "Mrs. Campbell. Pleasure to meet you. My name is Castiel Novak."

Dean felt sick, unable to decide whether his hunger was bigger than the need to hide his current situation. He decided fueling his body would be the better option. He gulped, taking the chair beside his mom. "Could you hand me a plate, Sammy?" His brother delivered two plates, eyeing Castiel heavily.

Mary chuckled. "Dean, where are your manners?" She stood up, taking Cas in a bear hug, patting his cheek afterwards. "You have most precious eyes."

Cas smiled wider, to where he scrunched his nose. "Thank you. I see where Dean gets his dark-spring green eyes." Dean felt his heart flutter at that, and he made sure no one noticed. "Dean works for me."

"Really?" Mary said, scrunching a brow at Dean, dragging Castiel to the chair to her left. "I can't believe my two sons have kicked me entirely out of their lives. If they don't go see me, they will have to deal with my unexpected visits. This is the only way I will keep updated. Tell me, Castiel, what does my son do for you?"

"I'd like to know, too, Dean," Sammy handed Dean the syrup, showing his pair of wary eyes.

Dean still thought he could find a way out of this. He was good at fiction story-telling. He wouldn't be lying completely, either. He poured the syrup on his pancakes, cutting them up and swallowing big chunks. "I'm his mechanic," Dean said between chewing. If he'd used that excuse before with Castiel's brother, he could use it with his family, too. Dean didn't know why he always jumped up to that excuse, though.

"That's right," Cas agreed. "And he delivers my daily pizzas in record time."

Sammy took his place across the table, staring down at Castiel, his suspicion look as obvious as the bitchfaces fabricated uniquely for Dean. "How is it that he left last night for a date and is now returning with one of his clients?"

"Long story," Dean pitched in. "Let the man eat, Sammy. You can't get all lawyery on us this early. Save it for law school."

Mary gave Sammy a soft smile, one that spoke more than words. "You've decided to become a lawyer, Sam?" Her smile quickly faded, turning into a gloomy frown. "I am so upset that neither of you have bothered to even give me a five-minute phone call to let me know these important things. You should be grateful you still have a mother. One of these days, I could be gone, and at this rate, neither of you would notice."

Dean dropped his fork, patting his mom's back as tenderly as he was capable of. "Mom, you know we love you."

Sam took a deep breath. "We will go visit you every weekend from now on. Promise."

"Yeah, and whenever I get a hangnail or find a hair in my take-out, I'll complain to you about it," Dean added, stuffing food into his mouth.

Mary turned to Cas, who was barely digging into his late breakfast. "I don't believe a single word from them, do you?"

Cas grinned before taking a bite, but his eyes quickly went to stare at Dean's hurried lips attacking the remaining pancakes on his plate. By the time Dean was aware of this, Sammy was two steps ahead, clearing his throat.

"I think mom and I have enough time to hear that long story about how you two ended up together," Sammy said, tauntingly. He knew. Or at least he wanted to believe he knew.

Dean was stubborn enough to keep the charade going. "Well, I made it to my date. We had a nice dinner, good talk." Dean smiled shortly. "Now that I think about it, we didn't do much talking."

Mary beamed, watching Dean with so much love he didn't know where to put it. Sammy rolled his eyes, used to hearing this from Dean. As for Cas, Dean couldn't miss his flushing cheeks after his last sentence. If he kept this up, there would be no way of hiding the truth.

"Anyway," Dean continued, trying to keep his eyes away from Cas. "I was too tired to come back home, so I spent the night. When I woke up, I went straight for Baby and she wouldn't start. My date lives near Castiel, and I thought there would be no harm asking him for a lift. We're friends."

"Mhm," Sammy said, keeping his sudden amusement to a minimum. "You couldn't have asked your date to drive you?"

"I don't understand," Castiel mumbled, gulping down his food. "Are we being interrogated for a crime?"

Mary chuckled. "Sam has always loved putting Dean on the spot. He's always had that lawyer sense in him. I should have seen it coming."

"Needless to say, I know my brother too well," Sammy said, looking straight at Dean, sending him a small, yet terrifying smile. He fucking knew.

Dean kept his cool, finishing up his pancakes. He was glad because they were starting to taste sour, even with the gallons on syrup he'd bathed them with. "Eh, Sammy is just angry because he has a horrible girlfriend."

"Now don't be mean, Dean," Mary said, frowning at Dean, and stretching her hand to take Sammy's. "Your brother seems happy with her. And it sounds like you're pretty content with your love life."

Castiel flushed again, placing both hands under the table and continuing the chewing process.

Dean wanted this to be over already. "It was just a date, mom." A date with heavenly sex, but that was a detail he'd rather keep to himself.

"Tell you what," Mary said, forming a bright hopeful grin. "Next week we can have a family barbeque. That way we can get caught up more formally. Invite Ellen and her kids. It also feels like I haven't seen them since the last decade." She turned to Castiel. "You are more than welcome to join us, too, sweetie." Then she looked at Dean, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "I will be waiting to meet this lucky lady that has you head over heels, according to your brother."

Dean tried to laugh it off, but he literally choked on his possible excuses. Mary stood up, went to kiss Sammy goodbye, and hug Castiel another time, before taking off.

Sammy's eyes moved from Cas to Dean, no longer suspicious, but simply curious. He didn't say anything, but his smile said it all.

Castiel coughed quietly. "I've heard a lot of great things about you, Sam."

Sammy gave Dean a last glance before shifting his body toward Cas. "I'm sorry, Cas, I really didn't mean to get at you like that, but I just know Dean is hiding something."

"Am not," Dean grunted.

"It's a sibling thing," he explained. "I haven't heard about you at all from my brother. How long have you two known each other?"

Cas looked at Dean before answering. "A few months."

Sam sent Cas a wide smile. "How nice." He gave Dean a last knowing glance. "And what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a medical doctor," Cas answered, seeming more comfortable than before. "I work at the JPS hospital."

"No kidding. That is really great. I looked into medicine once, but it just didn't have the same allure as fighting for justice."

Cas snickered. "Truth be told, it wasn't my first choice of career to follow. I wanted to become a pianist. I keep a dusty old piano in my bedroom, and all I can do now is play it on my free time."

So that was why the piano existed in that room. Dean wondered why Cas hadn't told him that before. Of all the things they'd discussed, Cas had left out his dream to become a pianist.

"Oh I would love to hear you play," Sammy said, excitedly. "Who's your favorite composer?"

"Right now, it has to be Yiruma."

Sam nodded, undeniably agreeing with Castiel. "You know what good is."

Cas turned to Dean again, smiling. "I think so."

In that moment, Dean had forgotten the need to hide anything. He didn't know what this was with Cas, or where it was going, but he wanted to let things move forward and see where they would end up. Because yeah, he also knew what was good.

***

"Break it off, love birds," Dean said, interrupting the passionate kiss between Chuck and Jo. "This is a PG rated sanctuary. Why am I defending your case anyway, Chuck? You are the preachy one around here."

Jo pulled away, letting go of Chuck from behind the counter. "I can't resist him."

"She's changing you, Chuck," Dean warned him. "Maybe next time she'll have you go outdoors without sunscreen."

"Ha. Ha," Chuck said. "If anything, Jo is making me better." He leaned in to kiss her again.

Jo ran a hand through his hair, and Dean felt himself wincing a little, but it wasn't as bad as he imagined. "I really have to go now. My shift at the roadhouse already started and I am not there yet. You would think my mom would give her only daughter special privileges."

"I'll call you after work," Chuck said.

"Awesome. We still on for tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'll pick you up at nine."

Jo nodded happily, heading to bop Dean's nose like old times before heading out. Dean was glad at least that hadn't changed. Jo had become more of a girl lately. She even dressed like one. Dean had stopped teasing her about the school-girl dresses she'd pulled out from her the back of her closet, but he couldn't help himself from laughing as she gushed over Chuck to him.

Dean settled closer to Chuck. "Is that puppy love I see in your eyes?"

"What? No, I'm too old for that."

"So it's the real thing?" Dean wondered. He wanted to know if Chuck was seriously into Jo that way. Dean hadn't seen Jo this excited over a guy before, and he was worried that Chuck would dump her at any moment and she'd be left heartbroken. He had already planned many ways to get back at Chuck for that, but he knew, deep down, he was overreacting.

Chuck grinned. It was an odd thing when he did that. One full, confident reaction that he saved for rare occasions. "As real as it can be."

That was all Dean needed to know. He could keep his ass-kicking plans stored in his underwear drawer for a while longer. Dean took a chair in the customer-free pizzeria, calmly waiting for his pizzas to be made. He started thinking of the day before, after Dean and Cas drove back to get Baby. Castiel helped Dean fix her up. He took his time to explain what he was doing, step by step, and name the tools he was using. Castiel seemed as interested as he usually did whenever Dean spoke to him. It was a great feeling, just having a person's undivided attention. In this case, it felt better coming from Castiel.

After Baby was good to go, Castiel and Dean went back inside to finish the leftovers. They had managed to talk more than the last time they were in the same room. And yeah, they had ended up in the same bedroom, against the same mattress, and it was much better the second time, but those were not his initial intentions. He wanted to clarify their relationship, as much as he feared what would come out of it. But Castiel didn't appear eager to do more than devour him entirely. Dean wasn't opposed to that.

Dean didn't like commitment. And by the looks of it, Castiel didn't mind. He just thought getting things straight would be for the better. Later, though, he realized he could get used to this sex-only phase with Cas. If both of them felt comfortable with just that, then so be it. They were already friends, and now they were benefitting from each other. It was the perfect compromise.

"Losechester," Gabriel said, taking the chair in Dean's empty table.

Dean blinked, returning to the room. He glared at the annoying short piece of man in front of him. "What do you want?"

Gabriel unwrapped a snickers bar and started eating it. "I heard you survived a visit with the big man. I want to know your secret."

"You're asking for my help?"

"How'd you do it?" Gabriel twirled the candy bar around. "I've tried sucking up big time, and so far it's only saved me from not being yelled at for leaving before my shift ends."

Dean sighed. "You'll just have to figure it out on your own."

"I'm trying to be nice here," Gabriel insisted. "Work with me. Let's bond over our hate for the boss."

Dean shook his head. "Not interested."

"Loosen up, Winchester. There's a big heart beneath this hard-rock chest, and a witty mind inside this attractive head."

"Nice try, but you seem like a jackass."

"Takes one to know one," Gabriel said.

Dean glanced behind the counter, checking if the pizzas were ready. Bela kept turning to him after placing each piece of Canadian bacon around the pizza. He looked back at Gabriel. "Don't take this personally, but no matter how hard you try, you won't get on my good side."

"You're a stuck up asshole," Gabriel stated, setting down his candy wrapper on the table. "I like you better by the second."

"Good for you," Dean said. Soon after, he remembered the fact that Cas had mentioned he had a younger brother named Gabriel. It was one of those thoughts that escaped Dean from time to time, but it always appeared again when he couldn't do anything to solve the mystery. He also remembered that Castiel had told him Gabriel ran away from home when he was sixteen. Neither he nor Balthazar had found him, but they hadn't looked so hard either. He didn't like Gabriel enough to enjoy prying into his life, but he really liked Cas, and he felt he should ask, just to clear things out. "By any chance, do you know of anyone named Castiel Novak?"

Gabriel's eyes went wide open. He looked even a little frightened. "I hadn't heard that name in so long. Hell yeah I know him. He's my brother."

Dean shut his eyes momentarily. That was all he needed. A brand new brother-in-law who he disliked more than the first one. "Cas is a friend of mine. Actually orders pizzas mostly every night. He…mentioned you once or twice. I wasn't sure you were the same person."

"Damn," Gabriel said. "I didn't know socializing to the extreme was part of delivering pizzas. I should have applied for that instead."

"He said you ran away," Dean mumbled. It was so uncomfortable trying to talk to this guy. He didn't really have a reason why, but he couldn't stand him. "I don't know if you were ever planning on looking him up again, but I think he would sort of be happy if he knew you were still kicking it."

Gabriel grinned, sort of. It was more like a straight line bending its edges ever so small. "Cas never got me. Always said I was on the wrong path. I have nothing against him. I just don't want to go back to that."

"I'm not telling you what to do, but I'll have to tell him I found his missing brother. I don't think it would be fair not to."

Gabriel shrugged. "Go ahead. I don't give a damn. It's not like I was trying to hide too well. I've seen Balthazar on the road before, and I swear he sees me, too, and yet I remain the missing child. Hypocrites."

"Weird family," Dean noted.

***

"Should I take this as my tip, Cas?" Dean asked, pulling away from Castiel's greeting kiss.

Cas smiled, licking his lips tastefully. "I didn't want you to suffer after I eat my onions." He grabbed the pizza in Dean's hands.

Dean huffed. "As far as I know, I haven't suffered from any stinky kisses from you before." He let himself in after Castiel.

"I'll still try to keep in mind how much you dislike onions," Cas said, falling onto the chair in the living room, opening the pizza box.

Dean settled on the other one. He realized right then how perfectly he fit in Castiel's house. Cas had everything in sets of two, and he couldn't really share it with anyone most of the time, except for Dean. And that tiny fact pushed Dean to recline in his chair, and let out a deep breath. "What are we watching?"

"Bambi," Cas said.

It must have been that Dean had a lot in his mind, that his only response was a quiet hum. He finished his endless debates on whether actually telling Cas about his brother or not. He straightened up on the chair, turning to face Cas. The other man looked so small and defenseless, sitting cross-legged on the huge chair. Dean thought it would be a crime for anyone to ever hurt someone like him. "I think I found Gabriel, your brother."

Cas' face went through various expressions, but finally he smiled. "How is he?"

"Fine. He works at the pizzeria. Barely even know him and he already gets on my nerves."

Cas sighed, taking everything in so calmly. "That sounds like him." He took a bite from the pizza in his hands. "I'll have to let Balthazar know about this."

"Yeah," Dean said, a little confused. "I mean, I thought you'd be a little more surprised with the news. Hasn't he been missing for three years now?"

"He always knew how to take care of himself. It's just nice to hear this is true."

Dean was right when he said the Novak family was weird. If Sammy had ever gone missing, he'd search underneath the earth's crust and steal a rocket ship that would send him to the moon and the nearby planets. He would not rest until he could hear the sound of his brother's voice. But that was them. And he had no right to judge any other family for behaving differently.

"So," Dean said, watching as the deer's mother was killed. He gulped, because from his side view he noticed Cas tearing up, and it was nothing big, not dramatic, just a few drops of tears sliding down his cheek. Dean turned to him all the way, gazing at his lips as they licked off the tears landing there. He thought this would be a good time to talk about them, seeing as Cas was so vulnerable. "Are we going to my mom's barbeque…together?"

Cas sighed deeply a few times, taking his eyes off the screen, directing his watery eyes toward Dean. "Dean, I thought you. Well, I thought you were embarrassed of me, of whatever this is we have." His expression was cleared off from the previous emotions created from the movie flick.

Dean didn't know how to answer that. Feelings here, feelings there, he was being tortured alive. But he'd never really been in a situation like this before, one that he liked so much. He just knew they would have to clear things out sometime. "I really like you."

Castiel wiped the tears from his eyes. All Dean wanted now was to go up to him and crash down against him, crushing his bones with his craving hands. "I like you, too, Dean."

Dean nodded. This was going well. He just needed to find a way to get this out of the way so they could keep going forward. Because that's what he wanted, wasn't it? "We're friends."

"Right," Cas said quietly. "That's very clear to me." Despite his choice of words, he didn't sound as bitter as the tone they required.

"Do you want to go with me to the barbeque?" Apparently all Dean could force himself to do was ask him out.

Castiel nodded, smiling softly. Dean went to sit with him on the tight space of the chair, sitting half on Cas and half on the chair. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, confining him there and pulling him closer and closer. Cas let out a few more tears, though the sad scene was over, and Dean gave a short kiss to Castiel's wet cheek. Cas pulled him closer again, crashing their lips together.

Dean loved this. Dean loved everything about Cas. Dean was happy, extremely happy. So much that he was afraid. Because he felt like he wasn't being good to Cas. They weren't communicating right. And yeah, they were friends, but they also spent a lot of time making out. Something told Dean he wasn't the only one scared about losing this friendship.


	7. Chapter 7

It was quiet that Saturday morning in Dean's apartment. There was no delicious smell from the bacon Sammy tended to wake him up to. He actually woke up to an annoying car alarm in the parking lot near his window. It wasn't like he expected singing birds to rise him up from the bed and magically get him dressed. He just wanted some damn breakfast ready for him to devour.

Sammy wasn't anywhere in the apartment. There were no usual notes on the dining table to let Dean know his whereabouts. Though Sam resembled a moose with his gigantic limbs, and he was a grown-up, per say, Dean would appreciate a heads up before he left the house.

He decided to shower, put on some decent clothing. After glancing at himself in the mirror for the last time, he figured he'd worked up his appetite enough and headed to his precious Baby.

Dean was just about to stop at Denny's for some nice breakfast when he was reminded of where he ended up last time he was there, and suddenly he wasn't as hungry anymore. He simply wanted Cas time, and he was going to ask for it.

As soon as Dean arrived to Castiel's mansion of a house, he saw his friend heading into his large vehicle. Dean didn't waste time, running to the Hummer before it left the driveway. He wasn't sure Castiel had noticed Dean's arrival, as he glared at the tiny screen of his ancient flip phone. "Where are you going this early, Cas?" Dean asked near the passenger door with the rolled down window.

Castiel jumped up inside the truck. He picked up the fallen cell phone and gave a long defeated sigh. "I can't work this fucking thing. I'm trying to text my patient. She's the most intransigent being I have ever met, and believe me, I've met my share. She shouldn't even have her phone on, but why does it surprise me?"

Dean frowned, reaching for Castiel's phone. "I'll do it. What do you want me to write?"

"This is doctor to patient confidential information. I really shouldn't."

"No one is going to know." Dean read on the screen that the only word Cas had been able to write was Anna. He waited for Cas to give in—because he would sooner than later—and tell him what to send that girl.

Cas signaled Dean to get inside the Hummer with him, and Dean obeyed, seeming as this information was top secret. "Anna suffers from lung cancer. She wouldn't allow us to give her chemotherapy at first, and I had to make countless bargains with her until she agreed. She checked into the hospital again right now. She won't let anyone take care of her until I arrive, and I'm afraid her life's in danger. I want her to fight for herself. But she will only do it under the condition of my presence."

Dean was astounded, more by seeing Castiel confiding in Dean to this extent. He never asked for the back story. "Just drive. I'll figure out a way to convince her."

Castiel sent his shaking hands on the wheel and pulled out of the driveway. Dean knew exactly what to say to this girl. He could sense there was something more about her Cas wasn't telling him.

***

Dean kept his eyes on his feet, every now and then looking up to glance at the nurses and patients. People had courage to step out of their rooms in half-opened robes, and Dean admired that. He'd barely stepped into hospitals before. He'd never been seriously sick in his life. Last time he was in a place like this, that wasn't his first birthday, was when he was thirteen and had his appendix removed. Other than that, he'd been injury-free, or simply stubborn enough not to ask for medical help.

Around him there were quiet chatters, both from the nurses and from the patients and their family members. Visiting hours had just started, and it all seemed to lighten the mood around here. Dean had forgotten all about his nice Saturday breakfast until he saw a cart full of breakfast platters entering every room.

He didn't want to move from this place, though. Cas was in the room in front of him and he was worried sick about him. Anna, too, of course. Dean didn't tell Cas what he wrote to her, but apparently it had helped. Another doctor was already treating her by the time they'd made it here.

From what Dean could tell, Anna had a soft side for Cas. With a simple "do this for me," she was convinced. Dean understood why she was this way; he'd put himself in her spot, and he would have agreed to anything, as long as Castiel asked for it. Because there was something about Cas, ever since he laid eyes on him, a sort of pull that warmed his soul the closer he got. He knew this was entirely against his usual macho beliefs, but he couldn't stop his girly thoughts. After all, no one could hear them.

Castiel exited the small hospital room, sanitizing his gloveless hands. He searched around the room, oblivious to Dean sitting right in front of him. Dean had to do a little wave of hands for Cas to stop his search and let out a breath of relief. Dean was right when he decided not to move from this spot.

Cas came to sit next to Dean, shutting his eyes for a moment, then opening them and turning them directly to Dean. There he went again, gazing right into his soul. Or at least that's what it felt like with the intensity in his eyes. Dean knew this wasn't the time, and he wouldn't dare do it in public, but he wanted to kiss Castiel. To kiss his lips until the dryness disappeared and he created a smile.

"She's doing better," Cas informed him. "Her blood pressure went over the roof, but Dr. Singer managed to stabilize her. Thank you for getting the message across, Dean. I do  _not_  like cell phones."

Dean grinned, a small sideway thing. "It's a pretty nice bond between you two. I read the text she sent you. She was basically handing you her life."

Cas shook his head. "Anna was my first love."

Dean gulped, unable to correctly respond to the news. He should have known this. How could he miss something like this? So he sensed a connection and dependence from her side, and perhaps also a crush. Yeah, all that was plausible. But from that to picturing Cas,  _his_  Cas, and Anna, a girl he'd never met before but had figured out in the course of an hour, being in a loving relationship wasn't something he could imagine. He didn't know if this was due to her gender, or because he'd always lived in the oblivion that Castiel had never belonged to anyone else before. Not that he officially belonged to Dean either, but they had a sort of unspoken accord.

"She and I dated in college," Cas said, staring straight ahead. "We had something serious." Cas took a short pause, trying to speak but having nothing come out. "I'm not one to spill out my life story. I know you've told me most of what there is to know about your family, and I appreciate your trust, Dean. But this is hard for me to speak out. I've never talked to anyone about this. Not even Anna."

Dean could hear the last words echoing.  _Not even Anna._  She was important. So much that to share their story, he had to mention things about his family he'd never told anyone before.

"Would you like some breakfast while we talk?" Cas said, rising from the cold metal chair. "My treat."

Dean rushed to his side, as Cas was speeding along the hallway. They ordered food and went to sit at a table. The hospital cafeteria wasn't as packed as Dean was led to believe by the number of visitors. He thought it was because the food sucked. He wasn't here just to have breakfast, though, he was here because Cas seemed to need him, and he was more than happy to help.

Castiel poured milk and sugar into his cup of coffee, and took a small sip. Dean gulped down half of his orange juice. More than hungry, now he was immensely thirsty for some reason. "I like the way you are, Dean," Cas said suddenly. "You don't push, you don't pry. You're just there, and you smile. I really like that."

Dean took a shaky breath, anxious because he  _wanted_  to push and pry, but he was containing himself; giving Castiel his space. Dean smiled some more, knowing words would fail him. He would end up spitting out another inappropriate comment, and it would do neither him nor Cas any good.

Castiel settled his cup of coffee down, staring into Dean's eyes again. It felt necessary to maintain this firm eye contact. "My family is very religious. Mom and Dad always forced us to follow the Ten Commandments, read the Bible, pray at least three times a day. They'd picked out our career paths for each one of us. Balthazar was meant to be an architect, Gabriel an FBI agent, and I was always their future doctor. Out of the three of us, only I did as they said. I was the one who didn't put up a fight. Not even because I used to faint at the sight of blood. Luckily, I've gotten over it. Balthazar and Gabriel both moved out when they couldn't take it anymore. I stayed. I pretended that my attraction to men was nothing but the works from Satan, trying to make me fall into carnal temptations and sin." Castiel rolled his eyes.

Dean held back his urges to take him into his arms. But he couldn't resist squeezing one of Castiel's free hands, just for a moment.

"My parents introduced me to Anna. She was our neighbors' daughter. My parents arranged everything so that we could attend the same University. Anna was studying to be a psychologist. As you heard before, I wanted to be a musician. But I went along with my parents' wishes, and worked my way up to medical school. Anna and I got along very well. She gave me a sense of freedom. She made me do things I wouldn't have done on my own. I ate food out of a van once. Shockingly, it did not upset my stomach. She taught me how to ride a bike. We did things like ice-skating, and picnics at the park. I hadn't known that sort of simple joy before her. She made me feel alive, for the first time. I came to love her in a different way, but love is love."

Dean grinned, though on any other situation with any other person he would have puked. This was Cas, and somehow it changed everything. Dean cleared his throat before answering, "So why did the wonderful romance come to an end?"

Cas grimaced, picking at his food. "I was happy with keeping the appearance, with pretending I felt attracted to her. We could have formed a family of our own, even, if she'd allowed us to move forward. But Anna knew me too well. She knew the real me, the one that I tried to keep hidden most of my life. She let me go. I don't think I had known pain before that day. Above anything else, I wanted to remain at her side. When she informed me about her cancer, I offered to be at her side every step of the way. When I was reassigned from hospitals, Anna followed me. Our promises were never broken. She got married a while back. Her husband is polite about our arrangement. I'm doing everything in my hands to keep her breathing. As stubborn as she is, if she's willing, she will make it."

Dean nodded, repressing a million questions, and only asking one. "Did you ever get a chance to tell your family?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, feline eyes watching with all attention. "I've told my parents about my former lifestyle. Not because of you, but because I am sure this is who I am. They are yet determined to change me. It's a waste of time. I've tried to change."

Dean shook his head, although he was worried about his own coming out of the closet experience. If it ever happened. Because he'd never been inside the closet, right? "What about your brothers, what wonderful things did they have to say?"

"Balthazar never gave a damn. Gabriel wasn't around by that time."

"I'll bet Sammy would tease me about it," Dean said. Sam hadn't questioned Dean about last weekend. Although Dean was almost sure that Sam knew, neither of them brought it up again. Then again, how childish was he? Holding back who he was just for fear of silly teasing? No, that wasn't it. It was the humiliation waiting for him everywhere. It was the nasty glares from strangers who didn't get his situation. It was the possible rejection from his father. Because Mary had proved many times before she accepted Dean in all forms. When he'd become a full-on alcoholic at eighteen, and had to take AA classes, his mom was there to push him through it. He still got drunk often, but he hadn't caused his mom anymore trouble.

"Sam wouldn't turn his back on you," Cas said confidently. "He obviously adores you."

"He's a pain in the ass, but he does get on my good side sometimes."

Cas became silent. Dean was almost done with his plate, but Cas had barely managed to eat half of his blueberry muffin. "Are you ever going to tell anyone?"

Dean coughed a little, sipping on his orange juice to make more time. "About us, or about me, or what, what do you mean?"

Cas sighed. "Dean, if it pains you this much to accept any of it, why haven't you stopped it? I'm not hoping for anything from you. I know that what we have isn't formal. It's not, well, Dean I know you're only doing this out of lust and desire. But you've got to keep in mind that secrets have an end. I mean, you can't expect to keep this to yourself all your life. If not with me, you will find someone who you come to love and you will have to do something about it."

Dean licked his lips. Was that what Cas thought all along? That the only reason he wasn't exposing them was because he didn't care enough about him? Well of course he would think so. Dean continuously kept reminding him they were just friends, just fucking buddies. Wasn't that it? Dean choked on his words as he tried to form them. He knew that what Castiel believed wasn't true, but he didn't know how to explain the truth. He tried again. "Cas, do you, do you want to be my…my, um, do you want a relationship with me?"

Dean had never seen that spark in Castiel's eyes. It was like a bunch of mini fireworks were going off inside his blue eyes. "Absolutely, I do."

"Great," Dean said, bliss entering every inch of his pores. "I know this is too much to ask already, but could you give me some time to give the announcement to my family. I just need to find the right moment."

Cas gave Dean a short glance before nodding. "No pressure, Dean."

Dean smiled, leaning in closer. It was damn tempting not being able to kiss Castiel right here, right now. "I don't want you to ever think that I'm just using you. I'm not good with heartfelt speeches, so just hang in there. All I'm trying to say is that I'm happy…with you, with how we are. It doesn't  _pain_  me being with you. I'm not going to change you at a flea market as soon as something shinier comes out. I want my dusty old Cas." Dean took hold of Castiel's hand again, this time not letting go.

Cas grinned. "Good to know you care about your dusty old Cas."

***

"Where were you this morning, Sammy?" Dean asked, entering his apartment. Cas had to stay at the hospital most of the day, but they'd planned to have dinner as soon as he got home.

Sammy was lying on the couch, watching an educational documentary on whatever shit usually grabbed his interest. "Took Ruby out."

"Why didn't you make me breakfast today?" Dean went to lie on the other couch like a potato.

Sam shrugged. "I didn't feel like it."

"How's Ruby? Not that I care about her well-being or anything."

"Right, because you would rather see her dead."

"So we're finally on the same page," Dean said, kicking off his boots.

Sammy turned to Dean, sending him a perfect bitchface. "Not really. Not until you confirm something for me."

Dean felt suddenly nervous. This was it. Sammy was going to bring up the deal with Cas and he would have to confess and he wasn't ready for any of it. "What?"

"Have you been spreading rumors about Ruby at my school?"

Dean almost gave a full spin around like a happy dog. "I don't have time for that, but if I did, I wouldn't start there. Why, what are the rumors?"

Sam shook his head, surfing the TV channels. "That she's cheating on me."

"That skanky fucker," Dean nearly shouted, rising from the couch. "What does she think that she can do better? You're the whole package, top prize, million bucks. She's a trashy—"

"Rumors aren't always true," Sammy interrupted, defending his case. He was in denial, though. Dean knew better, by nature.

"This one better not be, or that short demon is not going to make it much longer."

Sam turned off the TV, sitting up lazily on the couch. "She isn't cheating. I know her. I trust her."

"That's your problem, Sammy," Dean hissed. "You trust people too much. Then they hurt you when you least see it coming."

Sam got up, coming chest to face with Dean, because yeah he was that huge. "You have no right to talk about trust, Dean."

Dean looked up to find his brother's face glaring down at him. "Sammy, she's wrong for you. All wrong. I know you might think she's this perfect girl because she might make you feel good, but you gotta see past all that. Do you really know her?"

Sammy moved away from Dean, heading into his bedroom. Dean knew he wouldn't be able to fix anything today. But by tomorrow, they would all have get along for their mother's sake.


	8. Chapter 8

"Be still, Dean," Cas breathed, tightening his hands on the wheels. He turned to Dean to give him a firm glare when he wouldn't listen. Dean's hands were deliciously grabbing a nice grip on Castiel's waist, and continued moving lower.

Dean licked his lips, winking at Cas from the passenger seat. "I told you I would put up a fight because you didn't let me drive. Are you scared my Baby will break down on us?" Dean pulled out Castiel's tucked long-sleeve shirt. His hands made their way to Cas' zipper, unbuttoning his pants.

Cas sucked in a shaky breath, jerking the Hummer to a stop. He'd noticed the red light right before he started getting hard. Cas took Dean's hands and put them back on Dean's lap. "My decision had nothing to do with your car."

"Then why wouldn't you let me drive us?" Dean asked, tightening his jaw and folding his arms. He wasn't really angry at Cas for not being able to drive, but because he hadn't agreed on having a quickie in their morning shower together. Dean had tried to explain that when a couple showered together it  _always_  involved getting dirtier, but Castiel wouldn't put out.

Cas sighed, after managing to tuck his shirt back in and button his pants again. "You are going to get drunk, Dean. Don't tell me you won't. I don't want to have to deal with driving a vehicle that isn't mine when you're so wasted you can't even walk straight."

It was a surprise to Dean hearing this from Cas. So, basically, Cas had no faith in Dean whatsoever. He thought Dean had absolutely no self-control. That his usual thing was getting drunk at every occasion and that Cas would have to put up with him. Dean didn't know the low standards his new  _boyfriend_  had of him. Dean had an image of near-perfection of Castiel, what with him being a smart and kind human being; and a doctor.

"What's going to be your excuse for us showing up together, anyway?" Cas said, changing the radio stations from old school rock to instrumental melodies.

Dean knew that his mom would sense something out of the ordinary if she saw Cas and him avoiding each other, which is what would happen if Dean went ahead and backtracked on their conversation a little. He let it slide. It was alright. He wasn't in the best terms with Sammy either, but in front of his friends and family, there would be no disputes. He unfolded his arms and looked out the window in the least dramatic way. "That we're friends. We're saving on gas. I don't know if that's believable considering the fuel intake of this monster truck, but they'll have to buy what we're selling."

Cas was quiet for a moment. Mary's house was a few blocks away and Dean was thankful. He wanted to climb out of his vehicle and start doing the inevitable. Getting drunk. "Dean, when we get back to my place after this, we can do anything you want, wherever you want."

Dean tried to contain a smile. He kept his face away from Cas, staring at the streets on his side of the road. He was having a pretty good time thinking of the possibilities of Castiel's offer. He was certainly not angry enough to reject him. He didn't think that was possible. "Okay."

Cas switched the radio station back to rock, and Dean gave into his smile. So they had some things to talk about, things to clarify between them, but for now he had more than a friend. He had Castiel. And he would do anything to make Dean happy.

***

"Look at the bags under your eyes, Dean," Mary said right before taking Dean in one of those momma bear hugs. "Sweetie, you work too hard." She turned to Castiel, who seemed too out of place in his formal attire. "Are you overworking my son?"

Cas grinned, a full-teeth sort of thing Dean enjoyed watching. "No, ma'am, I've only been sticking to my regular pizza orders."

Dean walked around his mom's backyard. He hadn't spent much time at his mom's new place, even though he recurrently received personal invitations from her. The grill at the corner looked brand new, which reminded him that their old one had stayed back at John's place. Dean hadn't seen his dad in a while.

"Have a seat," Mary walked Cas to one of the tables, while Dean headed for the grill. He opened it up, and surely enough there was still wrapping plastic inside. "What do you think you're doing? That's for the chef, or are you going to cook for your family today?"

Dean turned to Mary, a bit perplexed. "Who's the chef?"

Mary walked up to Dean, shutting the grill. "I thought I could use this occasion as a peace offering to your father. John agreed to come."

Dean beamed. He hadn't seen his mom and dad together at once since their divorce, which had been a couple years ago. This was a huge step for the both of them, one he didn't expect. "Sounds like a real cookout."

Cas smiled at him from his place at the empty table. Dean went to sit by him, taking two bottles of water along. After all, he'd decided to skip the drinking. A few minutes later, Ellen, Jo, Chuck and Ash arrived, bringing their famous potato salad. Sammy showed up without Ruby, but Dean wouldn't celebrate just yet. Sammy was smiling too much, laughing at everything, and that wasn't him. He knew his brother, and he knew something was up.

Sam went to sit at the other table, barely greeting Dean and Cas. He knew he was still pissed, but he was going to make him talk. It was one thing for Dean to not want to share every detail of his life, but Sammy couldn't do that to him.

Ash took a seat across from Dean and Cas, showing his stolen can of beer. He was not allowed to drink at all, according to Ellen, which was the reason Ash wanted to eagerly drink now. "Dude, so why didn't you tell me about Cas before?"

Dean was suddenly glad that Ash couldn't remember their last drunken adventure. "I guess I forgot."

Ash took a small sip of his beer, leaning down on the table. "Hey, mind scooting closer together. I don't want mom to see me."

Cas shifted closer to Dean, until they were thigh to thigh. Dean gulped, resisting the need to put his arm around Cas. It would have been the obvious thing to do if everyone knew they were together.

"Thanks, man," Ash told Cas, taking another sip. "The things I have to go through for the love of alcohol."

Cas scowled at him. "Or you could just not drink at all."

Ash chuckled, putting his beer down next to him. "Yeah, I've heard that one before. Nice fairy tale."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Learn from me, I'm gonna be sober all day long."

"I did learn from you," Ash said. "I learned how fun it is to be drunk."

Cas glared at Dean for a second, before staring at Ash. "How old are you, anyway?"

Ash took a big gulp from his beer this time. "Age is but a number, right Dean?"

Dean hadn't been so aware of how bad of an influence he'd been on Ash, and most of all, his own brother. What was he thinking, getting them wasted at eighteen years old? Just because he'd started killing his brain cells at a young age didn't mean he had to drag others along.

"Well, that's sort of an overused excuse," Dean said, unsure of how to convince little ol' Ash that he should put the beer down and forget all the fun it comes with. "You're a smart guy and you should know what you're doing."

Cas glared at Dean again.

Ash laughed this time. "Is this Sunday school?"

"I hope nobody minds, but the door was unlocked, so I let myself in," John said, stepping into the backyard with a radiating presence.

"Perfect," Mary said, "let's get you in an apron. We're all starving."

"Don't I at least get a hello first?" Without further anticipation, John leaned down to Mary and squeezed her in his arms. Dean got that same feeling in his stomach as the day his dad handed Baby over. Underneath the table, Dean quickly took hold of Castiel's hand, squeezing it lightly and letting go.

"I'll go get the apron," Mary said, a bit dazed and confused before heading inside.

John went to talk to everyone at the other table, including Sammy, before heading to Dean's table with a bright smile on his face. "Dean, my boy."

Dean stood up to hug his dad, and then he looked at Cas and said, "Dad, meet Cas. He's a friend of mine. Cas, meet my dad, John Winchester."

"Pleasure meeting you, sir," Cas shook John's hand, giving him his very polite doctor smile.

"You too, Cas," John said, doing a double take on him, and then turning to Dean, questioningly. "Well, I feel young again. Bringing home new friends for your parents to meet, huh?"

Dean sat down again, further apart from Cas than before. "Yeah, and you remember Ash, don't you?"

Ash nodded. "Since when do I need introduction?"

John laughed. "That's right. I remember changing a couple of his diapers as a baby."

"Yes, but you should know, I've grown out of them," Ash said proudly.

"Oh, you're finally potty trained?" John said, patting Ash's head.

Beside Dean, Castiel snickered. Dean smiled at him. He was relieved that his dad didn't hover over their table much longer, since he had to be grilling the steaks. "I'll bet you're real tired of introductions by now."

Cas shook his head. "I like this very much, Dean. You have a wonderful family."

"Eh, they're alright," Dean muttered. "You still have to meet Bobby, though."

Jo appeared right next to Ash, taking the beer from his hands. "Speaking of Bobby, why are you drinking now? It's not the right place or time."

"Hey, I didn't give it to him," Dean said. "Don't give me that look."

Jo took a deep breath. "No, of course not. Why shouldn't I believe you?"

"I was here all along," Cas mumbled. "Dean didn't give him that beer."

Jo seemed convinced after that. "Sorry, Dean, but if you were to put yourself in my place you would understand why you were my prime suspect."

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I get it."

Jo smiled at Cas, then got up and left with Ash' beer.

Ash grimaced. "She just took it. Dean, get me another one?"

Dean looked at Cas before answering the obvious, "Not gonna happen."

***

"It's real nice seeing them together, huh, Sammy?" Dean asked, following his brother inside the house.

Sam pulled a soda out from the fridge. "Yeah," he muttered, heading back outdoors.

"Hey, wait up, don't walk away from me."

Sammy turned around, mocking a face of confusion. "I'm not allowed to walk away, but  _you_  can shut the door on my face as much as you want?"

"But you never really mind, do you?"

Sam sighed. "I can't ignore you as easily as you ignore me, but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed."

Dean grinned. "So, what do you think about mom and pops? I think I saw them winking at each other a couple times."

"Don't start with that, Dean," Sammy said. "Their divorce is final. I know you would give anything to see them back together, and I hate to be the one that keeps breaking it to you, but it's not going to happen."

Dean grimaced. He refused to believe anything was impossible. And he would keep hoping for his parents to admit to one another that getting a divorce was a horrible decision. He just didn't have the patience to argue right now. "Alright, whatever."

Sam went to stand next to Dean, bumping their sides together. "Cheer up, I mean you've got Cas now."

Dean's eyes opened widely, and he gulped nervously, unable to look at his brother. "What…what do you mean by that, Sammy?"

From the corner of his eye, Dean noticed his brother smiling wickedly. "I don't know. He's your Ruby."

Dean laughed, laughed so hard he almost choked. "Where did you? How? Are you insane? Cas is  _not_  a demon."

"Get it out of your system," Sam hurried. "We don't have to talk about this right now, but man, if you're going to be so private about this, at least try to keep your hands to yourself."

Dean was wrong. It would have been  _impossible_  for any of this to get worse. "What. What are you talking about?"

"Your hands. His hands, thighs, waist," Sam snorted. "And that's just today."

"Aw, man, you need to get your vision checked." Dean knew the secret was out in the open, to Sammy at least. And yeah, a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, but he didn't know how things would change between him and his brother from now on. He didn't know if Sammy would point out all his observations to the rest of his family.

"Don't worry, I get it, Dean. My lips are sealed. If you weren't comfortable enough to tell me, I guess you don't want to tell everyone else."

How the hell did Sammy hear Dean's thoughts? Those were some crazy skills. "Thanks. Thank you, Sammy." He tried to make eye contact with Sam, and he did for a portion of a second. Sammy smiled. "Is this going to be weird for you…?"

Sam huffed. "Dean, you've fangirled over Doctor Sexy for how long? That show's packed with 'hot girls' and yet your attention is always on the bearded middle-aged doctor. I know you pretty well."

"Right," Dean said, embarrassed. "Well, this couldn't get any more awkward. I'm going to go back out there and try to resist my sudden urge to drink."

"Yeah, and watch those hands."

"Already."

***

Dean had enjoyed himself today, although he had to go through the torture of coming out of the closet to his brother. Sammy had been much too kind, though. If things had been reversed, Dean didn't know if he would have held in the disses. He had some for himself already.

Bobby had showed up late, and what a small world, it turned out he knew Castiel. Dean had completely forgotten Bobby worked at Cas' JPS hospital. Dean had forgotten about most people lately. His mind had been focused on Castiel for some time.

Having everyone Dean cared about in one place at the same time made him really happy. It wasn't just the fact that his parents kept laughing and joking around with each other, or that Sammy had accepted Dean since before Dean knew he  _had_  to be accepted. It wasn't just that Jo seemed happy, too, and that Chuck kept treating her like a lady and she seemed to like it. It wasn't just the fact that Ash had decided to give up on the drinking out of respect to Ellen. It wasn't just that Ellen actually shared a few kind words with him, instead of accusing him of corrupting her kids. It wasn't just that Bobby and Dean got caught up with their lives, and Dean would be able to see him more often now that he'd planned on visiting the hospital more often.

All of that was a huge part of Dean's happiness, but Dean also knew that if Cas hadn't been around, it wouldn't have felt complete. And yeah, it was fucking cheesy to see it that way, but sharing this part of him with Castiel felt necessary. He wanted Cas to see that maybe his family wasn't that big, or stable, or formal, but hell, they stuck together.

And Dean was sort of hoping they would stick together, too.

***

"You come visit your mother in less than two weeks, you hear me, Dean?" Mary said, taking Dean in a warm, tight embrace.

Dean nodded, pulling back so Cas could shake hands, but instead Mary took him in for a big hug. "Sure thing, mom."

"Watch out for my son, Cas," she said. "He may look like a big strong man on the outside, but he's got a heart of gold."

Dean scrunched his eyebrows, confused about Mary's comment. "I think we should get going, Cas."

"I promise to take care of him," Castiel mumbled, heading to the Hummer. "Your house is lovely, Mrs. Campbell. Thanks for the invitation."

Mary smiled at Castiel, and then gave Dean a soft, adoring glance. She waved goodbye at the both of them as they took off. Dean didn't want to overthink his mom's words or the way she was acting. He'd had enough of that with Sammy today. All he wanted was to get to Cas' house, put on something more comfortable, or rather just get rid of everything he had on, and finally claim this day at the best of his life so far.

***

Castiel pulled Dean by his shirt and took his lips in his mouth. Cas bit Dean's lips and sucked on the swollen wound he'd left there. He was desperate and sloppy and passionate. Dean realized he hadn't been the only one craving this all day long. But things were getting pretty heated, his crotch was feeling pretty tight, and they were still inside the monster truck.

Dean pulled away, making Cas roar furiously at Dean. "Hey, hey, calm down. We should go inside if we're going to go at it like bunnies." He licked his lips before quickly pressing them against Castiel's one more time. He couldn't control the need to taste every bit of him. Over and over again.

"We have a lot of space here," Cas said, moving lips to Dean's throat. His hands were in dangerous territories, in which Dean knew he wouldn't be able to stop from going further.

"Inside," Dean murmured over rough kisses. "The bed."

Cas let out a few loud panting noises. Dean couldn't help but respond with a moan. "No. I want you now."

Dean retrieved his playful set of hands that were exploring Castiel's lower body and his lips from Castiel's neck. "Alright, what do you want me to say? I like your bed. It's soft. It's fluffy. I don't know."

Castiel snickered, and it was a nice sound in between their heavy breathing. "I like you, and you're all I need to do this, but if you insist." Cas smiled so big that Dean felt his head spinning. It was a ridiculous reaction, but hell, that smile was the most beautiful one Cas had ever worn.

Dean jumped out the Hummer, as Cas clumsily unlocked the front door. Dean ran up to him, running hands around his hips. He leaned down to press a few soft kisses against Cas' neck, making the other man tremble. Once inside, Dean shut the door behind them, twisting Cas around and taking him in for a tight hug. Cas pulled back quickly to kiss Dean's jawline, but Dean leaned into Cas' arms once again, resting his cheek upon his shoulder. His hands were on Cas' back, digging into his shirt.

Cas suddenly slowed down his mouth, tracing an invisible line on Dean's neck, up to his cheek. Dean hadn't moved for a few seconds, and Cas was starting to get worried. Dean tightened his arms, kissing Cas' shoulder once. "Dean?"

"I'm sorry," Dean murmured, kissing Cas' neck. "I would give anything to have you, all of you, to tell everyone that you're mine because you are. I couldn't touch you enough."

Cas sighed, hands on Dean's arms, moving up to his head. He pulled Dean away carefully, making sure he could see his green eyes. "I know." He pressed their lips together and for a long moment they didn't stop. Cas looked into Dean's eyes again, fingers tangling in Dean's hair. "I love you."

Dean felt his head spinning again, and he felt a knot in his throat, because yeah he had something back to say, but as much as he tried, he couldn't force himself to say it. Instead, he kissed Castiel, soft and tenderly, hoping his action would say more than his voice. Cas seemed to enjoy his particular way of responding.

They broke their kiss apart and walked up to Castiel's bedroom. This time it felt different to Dean. Like their hidden relationship had advanced in so many different ways. Dean couldn't remember a time when he'd actually cared so much about a relationship. He hadn't realized how fragile they could be, as breakable as thin ice, yet so amazing at times. Then again, he was in a relationship with Castiel, so of course he felt that way.

Cas pulled Dean to the bed, lying him down and slowly taking off his shirt, lips ghosting over the bare skin. "Dean, I want you. I want all of you, too."

Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head as he moved lower. "You said we could do whatever I wanted tonight," Dean mumbled. "I want you in me, Cas."

The look of surprise and utter joy was a perfect mixture in Castiel's scruffy face. "Dean."

Dean was sure about this. This was their night. This was his way of showing his affection, because words would betray him, but he could show how he really felt through this.

Cas kissed Dean's lips, whispering his name into his mouth before getting up and pulling out a condom and a bottle of lube from his nightstand. His cheeks seemed to redden as he went back onto bed.

"You…you've done this before?" Dean asked, suddenly questioning himself whether there had been other men in Castiel's life before him. Because that was the last thought Dean wanted, but he couldn't stop from thinking of it. "Seem prepared."

Castiel smirked. "I have it especially for us, Dean."

Dean swallowed hard. "How long have you wanted this?"

"Dean," Cas said, kneeling at the foot of the bed, keeping Dean's legs in between his. "I've wanted you ever since you showed up at my door. I just never thought you'd like me."

It was a strange picture; the one Cas was painting in Dean's mind. A world in which Dean didn't like Cas. Dean wanted to explain to Cas how that could never happen, but again, words would only fail him, so he sat up and pushed himself onto Cas' lips, tongues playing with each other all the while. Dean hurried to take off his pants, while Cas undressed himself. It was an entirely different experience, watching as Cas unbuttoned his shirt, admiring as his body was uncovered. Dean lied back down, raising his knees and waiting for Castiel to go in.

Cas still looked a bit nervous about the entire situation, but after Dean's last kiss, the want and desire filled his blue eyes. Cas applied lube to his fingers. Cas kissed Dean's knee as finger by finger went inside him. It wasn't as painful as Dean had imagined, but he still shut his eyes, trying to focus on the fact that Castiel was the one doing this, and he trusted him. More than ever. "Dean, Dean."

It was always mesmerizing whenever Cas said Dean's name. It was like a celestial call from Castiel. Like saying his name required a special privilege. "C'mon, Cas."

Dean felt Castiel removing his set of fingers, and his hands around his thighs. Dean opened his eyes because he couldn't miss the look on Cas' face. As he prepared to go in, they locked eyes with each other, and Castiel looked so delicate, so…so…so damn beautiful. It was breathtaking. Dean couldn't care less about his romantic side awakening. Hell, Cas was beautiful and he'd said he loved him. Above all his fucking flaws, and he knew damn well he had lots of them.

"Oh, Dean," Cas said, pushing himself entirely inside Dean. It was easy for Dean to allow the movement. It was like his body recognized Castiel somehow. "Dean."

They moved slowly back and forth at first. They had formed a nice rhythm. Until Dean began wanting more and more, so he moved faster, clinging hands to Cas' hips. They were just as perfect as the rest of that man. "I want more, Cas."

Castiel gave Dean's other knee a kiss, running hands through his thighs, while Dean continued increasing their speed.

Dean had thought about this moment before, and he'd pictured so many different things, but never anything like this. Never something so simple and natural. It was as if Cas and Dean had been made to find each other and go through the set of events that led them to this moment. As Cas came inside Dean, and Dean followed soon after, Castiel collapsed against Dean.

Cas gave a few short kisses to Dean's chest, and Dean wrapped his arms around Cas again because he would never have enough of that.


	9. Chapter 9

Gabriel stepped in front of Dean, sucking on a lollipop. "Dean-o!"

Dean let out a long, annoyed sigh. "You waste your entire paycheck on candy, man?"

"Just half of it," he said, reaching into his pocket and offering Dean a tootsie roll. "I get cavities when I don't eat enough sugar."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that's how it work. I'm really not hungry, thanks."

Gabriel shrugged, putting the tootsie roll back in his pocket. "This will be part of my dinner tonight."

Dean snorted. "Great!" He didn't have the mind to think of any insulting remarks for Gabriel. After all, he was sort of…family. Damn.

"So what's the deal with you and my brother?"

Dean gulped, his throat suddenly dry. "We're good buddies."

"He's gay, isn't he?"

"Uh, I don't. He's. Is…is he?" Dean sure as hell wasn't prepared to talk about this with Gabriel, much less at work, with all eyes on the two of them.

Gabriel snickered, pulling out his lollipop and making a long suction noise. "He never told me, but I could always tell."

Dean wanted the ground to open in half and swallow him whole. "Yeah?"

"Is he still with Anna?"

"No," Dean said quickly. "They…they broke up a while back. She got married."

"Cas told the pizza man his autobiography? That doesn't sound like him."

Dean scowled. "I'm not just the 'pizza man.' I'm his b—" Dean cleared his throat, backtracking. "His friend."

Gabriel raised a brow, suspiciously. "Whatever makes you feel better, Dean-o."

What would have made Dean feel better would have been not having to hide from anyone that Castiel loved him and that they were happy together. Dean didn't want to hide who he was when he was with Castiel, but still there was something getting in the way of him confessing the truth.

***

"This is the best beer ever," Ash shouted, sipping on his drink.

Dean tried to shush his friend, but honestly no one ever approached them in their ally, especially now that work was over. Dean knew he didn't have to deliver Cas his regular pizza tonight. It was understood Cas had to stay all night at the hospital watching over Anna, which was totally fine, except that somewhere deep down Dean felt like alcohol was needed to relief some of the stress from his day.

"You know what, I was starting to miss this, Dean," Ash confessed, picking out the pepperoni slices and eating them separately. "Us two drinking, eating stolen pizza, and cheering over the beauties of life."

"Well, I've been busy," Dean said, opening up another bottle.

Ash giggled. "This pizza's starting to taste like ass."

"Beer has that effect on you."

"No, dude, it's Bela. She's making the pizzas all wrong."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I don't care about the fucking pizzas."

"Then what do you care about, Cas?" Ash smiled as he took another drink.

Dean didn't think he had to be worried about Ash finding out about him and Cas, too, but that smile said it all. Was it impossible to hide anything nowadays? Dean took a deep breath, hoping to skip the topic. "Did you want me to take you to get that new video game you were mumbling about yesterday?"

Ash chuckled quietly. "What's going on with you, dude? I don't think you've noticed, but you're so much different now."

Dean pouted his lips, confused. "I don't remember getting plastic surgery recently."

Ash shook his head. "No, man, it's not the way you look. You're just not the same Dean. You…you smile a lot. I don't know. You don't pick fights with anyone at work anymore. You seem happy. Not that any of this is a bad thing. I just want to know why you've change."

It wasn't like Dean hadn't been aware of this before, but it gave Dean a new perspective when it was pointed out by someone else. So yeah, Dean was happy. He had Castiel in his life, and he made him happy. And it was all so great and everything was running smoothly. But Dean realized in that instant that he'd never given Cas permission to mess with him or his fucking emotions this much. He'd found himself entirely devoted to Castiel, and engaged in a very loving, almost very secretive relationship with him. When exactly did he stop to think about any of this before he allowed it to happen?

"Dean?" Ash asked, forming a worried crease on his forehead.

"I haven't changed, Ash," Dean muttered. "I'm still Dean Winchester. Same old womanizing, alcoholic, grumpy Dean. None of that will ever change."

Ash grimaced. "But that's not what I was saying."

"No. I get what you were saying. I'm just not going to let it go that far." Dean wasn't sure what he meant by that at the time, but he was sure that there wouldn't be enough alcohol in town tonight for him to drink.

***

"Are you seriously still here, Dean?" Sam asked, letting himself inside Dean's dump of a bedroom. "It's four o'clock. You are two hours late for work. Get up."

Dean groaned, pulling the covers on top of his face. He always forgot how much he hated hangovers, until he had one again. "Leave me alone."

"I'm surprised you still have a job," Sammy said. "You're rarely ever there, and when you do show up it's not on time."

Dean uncovered his face, cringing at the light. "How would you know, genius?"

"Chuck tells me everything."

Dean rolled over on the bed, not calculating his movements and fell to the floor. He tried to get up, all the while Sammy was laughing at him. "Shut up, Sam. This doesn't interrupt my comment on you and Chuck being girls and gossiping around so much."

"At least we aren't irresponsible people that choose binge drinking over work."

Dean glared at Sammy, slowly rising from the floor and collapsing back onto his bed. "I don't need you or anyone telling me what to do."

Sam sighed. "Just so you don't throw a fit when you come to your senses, you should know that Ruby came over and I'm going to make us dinner. There's going to be enough for you too, so feel free to join us."

"Save me a plate. Let me know when she's gone," Dean said, looking up at the ceiling, hoping his migraine would magically diminish.

Sam shut the door without further words. Dean felt too lazy to get out of bed other than to use the bathroom. He hid under the covers and had his own little Dr. Sexy M.D. marathon.

***

Dean decided to turn his phone off before Castiel called again. Dean hated ignoring his call. He hated doing this because it was torture not hearing Cas' voice. But what was the point of all this? Of his extreme drinking and his shutting out of everyone around him? Dean was a dumbass, that wasn't the question here. He couldn't stop himself. Dean felt guilty. Oh so guilty. The feeling was eating him alive.

Dean had dragged Ash into a bar, where they had many rounds of tequila, a few of purple nurples, and to top it off, a couple whiskeys. Mixing all that alcohol had made Dean crazy. He didn't know with how many women he'd flirted with, but there had been many. He had all their perfumes' scent attached to his skin and it disgusted him. Dean remembered trying to prove a point to Ash, and to himself. All that he'd managed to prove was that he was a major dick. The last thing he wanted was to talk to Cas, or to be seen by him. He would know something was off. He would know everything Dean had done.

Plus, Dean knew Cas had never approved of his drinking habits. Everything Dean did went against Castiel's approval. And Dean was not going to change for anyone, right?

The knock on Dean's door startled him. The house had been quiet for a while, except for the low sounds on his TV. He'd given up on his favorite show, barely paying any attention to it. "Come in."

Sammy opened the door and looked at Dean, grimacing. "Cas just called me and asked if you were alright. Why won't you answer him?"

Dean groaned. "Sammy, I'm tired. I have a headache. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Don't explain anything to me. Talk to him. He  _is_  your boyfriend after all."

Dean hated that term being used by his brother. "I don't want to."

"Why not? What stupid thing did you do this time?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Just leave me alone."

"No, you're not going to do this to Castiel. Tell me what happened."

Dean turned off his TV, rolled to his side and shut his eyes hard, hoping his brother would simply disappear.

"Real mature, Dean." Sammy grumbled before shutting the door.

***

It was just because Dean couldn't take it anymore that he showed up at JPS Hospital the next morning before work. He'd decided that he cared more about Castiel than his guilt, or pride, or anything else.

Dean asked for Castiel, but apparently they were still waiting for him to arrive after their latest call. Dean thought he should look for Bobby while he waited.

Bobby was in his office. A bigger one that the one Castiel had. He must have earned that with time.

"Hiya, idjit," Bobby said, sending Dean a quick smile before getting his focus back to his computer screen.

"Bobby!" Dean took one of the chairs in front of Bobby's desk, drying his sweaty palms. He hadn't noticed before how nervous he actually was to see Castiel. "How's it going?"

"Oh it's heaven here. Appointment after appointment."

Dean snickered. "I'm sure your wallet's happy, though."

"Yeah, well my brain is pretty exhausted. And my old bones keep screeching like rusty machinery."

"You should see a doctor about that."

Bobby sighed. "Ha. Ha."

Dean licked his lips and dried his palms again. The anticipation to see Castiel again and form some sort of explanation as to why he'd avoided him yesterday was too much. He wanted to get it over with so that he could just make out with him and finally have some real shower sex at home.

"You here for a reason, boy?" Bobby asked, seeing that Dean wasn't saying much.

"Oh, well, I came to see you, and you know, Cas. I'm going to work in an hour, but I thought I'd brighten up your day first."

Bobby nodded. "Castiel Novak. Fine doctor. Not much of a chatter box."

Dean grinned. "He's better with actions." Dean bit his lower lip after that. Who said that about their  _friends_? Fuck.

"Looks like it," Bobby said, seemingly letting Dean's comment slide.

"Yeah, I should go find him." Dean got up, heading for the door.

"Idjit," Bobby muttered before Dean was gone.

***

Dean went up to one of the girls at the reception, checking the clock on the wall. "Is Dr. Novak in yet?"

The girl checked in the computer. "Are you one of his patients?"

Dean groaned, searching for the girl that was here ten minutes ago when he'd asked for him before. "I'm. I'm his friend. He's not expecting me, but I really need to see him."

"I'm sorry, but he is with a patient right now. Would you like to make an appointment?"

"I don't need an appointment to see my boyfriend," Dean hissed, well aware of what he'd just said.

The girl opened up her eyes, slowly forming a long smile on her face. She nodded a few times, more to herself. "I'll let him know you're here, Mister…"

Dean cleared his throat, feeling his pulse raising. "Dean Winchester."

She kept smiling through her quick phone call with Cas. "Looks like he's back in his office. You can go in."

Dean winked, feeling more relaxed. "Thanks, sweetheart."

The girl's reaction had not been at all what he'd imagined. This he could live with. Dean thought he would soon be open about his relationship with Cas with his entire family. Soon.

***

"What do you want?" Castiel asked, not looking up from the paperwork in front of him. Dean suddenly understood that Cas was pissed and he had to change that.

"I came to talk," Dean said, sitting in front of him. Castiel looked so pale, so worn out that it scared Dean a little. Dean wasn't able to see Cas' eyes, but he could tell they were big and puffy. Cas looked like a mess. His beard was thicker than usual, his hair messier than before, and it looked like the bags under his eyes had bags under them. Dean reached a hand across the desk and pulled Cas' chin to his lips, unable to resist him any longer. Castiel didn't input much into the kiss, so Dean let him go and took a shaky breath. "What's wrong?"

Cas went back to reading over the stack of papers on his desk. "I don't have time for this, Dean."

"You look terrible."

"Good observation."

Dean scooted his chair closer to the desk. "I was going to call back. I didn't go to work. Why am I giving you explanations, anyway?"

Cas simply wouldn't look at Dean. "I'm wondering the same thing."

Dean laughed humorlessly. "I just told a secretary that you're my boyfriend. By the look on her face, I'll bet the entire hospital will know about us in less than an hour."

Cas finally looked up at Dean, locking their eyes together. And yeah he looked pretty tired. "Why did you tell her?"

"Because you are," Dean said easily.

"Are we not trying to  _hide_  this anymore?" Cas wondered.

Dean grinned. "Maybe not for long."

Cas tilted his head to the side, still staring at Dean. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Dean said nervously. Of course Cas would know. Dean knew it since yesterday.

"You did something and this is your way of making it up, isn't it?"

Dean forced a bigger smile. "No, I didn't, Cas." It was becoming physically painful having to lie to Castiel.

"You went out to drink," Cas mumbled, heading back to his work. "That has to be it. Dean, I know you're not going to get over that in a matter of days. It takes time."

Dean definitely didn't want Cas thinking he could tell him what to do. "Who says I want to stop drinking?"

"You said it yourself, last Sunday."

"I wasn't being serious."

Cas looked at Dean again, like he was reading his mind, or trying to. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Dean shrugged. "I like to drink. I will drink if and when I want to. You can't stop me from doing what I want, Cas."

Castiel dropped his pen on his desk, shifting himself closer to Dean. "You understand that this is killing you, don't you?"

"I'll be fine. Either way, it's my decision."

"Dean," Cas sighed, more tired than upset. "Anna is in a very serious state. While you were out poisoning your body, I was here trying to save her life. She doesn't have much time left. I'm going to have to spend most nights at the hospital."

Dean frowned. "Why is it just you who has to watch over her? There are other doctors who could be on watch duty."

"She's Anna," Cas whispered. "She's my responsibility."

"No, she has a husband. She's his responsibility."

"Is that how relationships work, then?" Cas demanded, hands making circles on his temples. "Because that would make you my responsibility, and I don't know how to take care of you."

Dean snorted. "I fend for myself, Cas. You take care of your business here." He got up and stormed out of the room. He didn't care how stupid he always thought it was when people did that on movies. Cas deserved it. For pissing him off.

***

"You showed up," Bela said. "Must be Friday."

Dean scowled. "Easy, tiger. You don't want to get on my bad side today."

Bela smiled tauntingly. "What would happen if I did?"

Dean leaned closer to her, leaving an inch or two of space between them. Damn, was he tempted to kiss her. Just for the hell of it. Because he could do whatever the fuck he wanted. "Don't tempt me, honey."

"Careful, Dean," she murmured, running her tongue through her lips. "You keep giving me nicknames and I'll get too comfortable."

"Is that even possible? You keep kissing me when you get the chance."

"A kiss is the most innocent thing I can offer you," Bela whispered, right before she turned around and went back to her working space.

Dean grinned, sucking a heavy breath. He had almost forgotten how much he hated that woman because she always found ways to attract him. All Dean had to do was let himself move with his lustful desires and he could get whatever he wanted, unless he was doing this out of spite. In which case, the still sane part of him told him he should not be doing this to Cas.

Dean walked closer to Chuck, hoping to ease the sudden stiffness in his pants. "How's your next book coming along? Are you making sure my character ends up a hero?"

Chuck chuckled softly. "You can say Dean is like Batman. I mean, he's a hero, but he hates every second of it."

"C'mon, I would love to go around wearing a cape and rescuing damsels in distress. Get more chicks that way, too."

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Oh don't worry. Your character gets enough of that."

Dean smiled proudly. "Sounds just like me, then."

"But you know," Chuck said, turning to give Dean a very serious look. "Dean is never really happy with what he has. He always pretends to be something he's not, whether it'd be being brave, or strong, or happy. He's just stuck on the appearance he wants to give to the world. And when he gets a chance to finally be happy with someone he doesn't take it. Stupid old Dean, don't you think?"

Dean frowned, slowly starting to get angry. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Chuck sighed. "It's just a fiction book, Dean."

"Yeah, okay," Dean said unsure. Chuck had always been a beat-around-the-bush kind of guy. This wouldn't be the first time he tried to tell Dean something that Dean didn't understand on the first try. Then again, he could have just been talking about the book.

***

Dean parked Baby outside of Cas' house. Cas hadn't ordered his usual pizza in a while, so Dean thought he should bring him one, anyway. Dean simply couldn't stay mad at Cas.

It wasn't out of guilt, well not mostly. It was just a spontaneous thing to show that he cared about Cas, because he did. They were struggling at the moment, but Dean knew it was nothing they couldn't work out. Nothing was unfixable. He'd learned that through fixing cars at his dad's shop. Baby was a prime example. She'd been broken down time after time, yet he managed to fix her. Anyone that saw her could see how precious she was and how smoothly she ran through the beautiful streets of Lawrence, like a brand new vehicle.

Dean knocked on the door a few times, and seeing that no one answered, he let himself in. Cas had given him a copy of his house key, and though he promised not to take advantage of it, he felt this was an appropriate occasion. The lights in the kitchen and on the upstairs hallway were turned on, but the rest of the house was dead silent and dressed in darkness. Dean left the pizza on the dining table and headed upstairs quietly.

The door to Castiel's room was shut, so he knocked on it, but Dean let himself in again when no one answered. Cas was soundlessly asleep, snuggled on the corner of his large bed. He looked so small, like always, but this time he looked so much more vulnerable. Dean felt all the guilt pouring down on him at once. He had been terrible to Cas lately, it was sinful to a degree. Cas didn't deserve any of it, and Dean didn't deserve Cas. And how was he ever going to earn his forgiveness?

Cas trembled a little over the covers of his bed, which he hadn't even managed to get under. He was still in his white robe and still had his shoes on. Dean went ahead and took them off, reminding him of that time Cas cured his illness and did the same for him. Dean pulled out the covers from under Cas very delicately and placed them on top of him, tucking him in like a child. Dean couldn't resist leaning down to kiss Cas' forehead and rub on his arm until he felt Cas looked more comfortable.

Dean turned off the light in Castiel's bedroom and went downstairs to eat a slice of the onion pizza. It was not as bad as it used to be.


	10. Chapter 10

"Dean, what are you doing here?" Jo asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Ash here?" Dean urged, because he didn't feel like wasting his time. He was here with a purpose and he wasn't going to let anything get in the way.

Jo placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, confused. "Calm down, man, you're scaring me. Did something happen?"

Dean groaned and shook his head. "Is Ash here or not?"

"No, he's with some friends," Jo said, lowering her hand to Dean's arm and taking a tight hold on him. "Why do you want him?"

"Move your hand, please," Dean panted, realizing his heartbeat was way too fast. "I really have to go somewhere right now."

Jo buried her now colored finger nails in Dean's sleeves, stubborn as always. "First you're going to tell me what the hell is going on."

Dean loved Jo, but he didn't have the time to put up with this crap at the moment. His throat was itching and he had this pain in the pit of his stomach that wouldn't settle down until he drowned it with all the alcohol he could afford. He was planning on getting so fucking wasted that he would end up poisoning his body for good so he wouldn't have to live being the poor excuse of a man Cas must have believed him to be. "Let me go, Jo. I'm warning you."

Jo actually laughed, right on his face. And for a second he thought he could hate her. Just for a small second. "Bite me."

Dean removed Jo's tightly gripped hand himself and did his best to ignore the incredibly hurt girl in front of him as he made his way to the Impala. He didn't hear a sound coming from his lifelong friend, but he was sure he would never forget that look in her eyes. If he made it after tonight.

***

"Hand me another fucking drink!" Dean demanded to the bartender. "My glass is empty. I'm giving you all my money. Just for the love of all that's holy give me more alcohol."

The bartender stood in front of him, looking pitifully at him. "I think you've had enough. Why don't we just call it a night and you head on home?"

Dean had trouble deciding which one of three blurry men in front of him was the real one, so he just kept bobbing his head at them all. "I don't think. I don't think you have the right to tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do."

The bartender rolled his eyes, and so did the rest of them. "I'm not going to serve you another drink."

"Fine," Dean hissed, struggling to get out of his stool. "I'm not serving  _you_  a drink." There was always an audience when Dean came to bars, so he was used to the sets of eyes glued to him as he found his way outside.

Where the fuck was Baby when he needed her? Dean looked around the parking lot, and he couldn't figure out which car belonged to him. Dean knew that as soon as he had all his senses back, he wouldn't forgive himself for this. Any of it.

After a few minutes of just standing in the same spot, having a hard time staying up, he realized the Impala was right under his nose. He gave a small smile and a hiccup and climbed right into her. He wasted a lot more time trying to put the key into the ignition than finding the car in the first place. He was just about to give up and camp in the back of the car, but his key finally went in and he started the engine. Dean still had a purpose. Only he could take a small diversion. He had to see Cas before he fell into this deep dark hole.

***

"You see how," Dean gulped, stopping to giggle a little. "You see how my feet keep tricking me? This one, this one right here has to go forward. You see? And then it goes backwards instead. And then I keep tripping. But I don't. I'm better than my own two feet." He stopped right outside the hospital doors. He looked all around him and realized how he had been talking to himself the entire time. Dean felt a bit silly, but that was not part of his diversion or his purpose, so he moved along.

Dean entered the hospital building, taking a deep breath, making him go into a coughing fit. As soon as it was over, he looked up and yelled "Cas? Cas, where are you? Why is it so bright in here?"

A girl—one that looked like a nurse, which she possibly was because what the hell he was in a hospital—went up to him and tried to shush him up. Dean pushed her aside, running through the rest of the hallway. He passed by the lady at the front desk and waved at her away with a wide smile. Dean made his way to Castiel's office, but the room was locked. Dean knocked on it, then turned around and found a couple cops speeding closer to him.

Dean chuckled a little before continuing down the rest of that long white hallway. A few people tried to stop him, but he shoved them all aside. Dean came to a stop when the set of doors in front of him wouldn't open, so he turned around and took a deep breath. He sat down on the floor and waited for the cops to catch up to him.

The cops said a bunch of crap to Dean that he didn't care to listen to, and they pulled him up and away. Dean kept calling out to Cas, but all he got were staring faces, and a lot of murmuring noises around him.

"Dean? Oh my god, Dean," the beautiful voice sort of woke Dean up, and he looked up to find the face. Cas was standing a few feet away from him, with a face just as broken as Jo's. Yeah, Dean had pretty much fucked it all up. Plan accomplished.

"You know this man?" One of the cops asked.

Cas' eyes filled with water and he waited for the right moment to answer. "Yes, I'm afraid so."

"We're going to have to take him off the premises."

"Alright," Cas said. "I'll come with you."

"Cas, I love you," Dean said, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I love you so fucking much. It's so bad that I hate you for it. Cas, you—"

"Dean," Cas hissed. "Please be quiet."

"No," Dean shouted, angrily. "I have rights. I can say whatever the fuck I want."

Dean kept going on and on about his undying, consuming love for Castiel until the cops sat him down on the passenger seat of his car and Cas promised them he would make sure Dean didn't get out of control again. What the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Cas stood outside the car, squinting down close to Dean, who was still slurring out words to Cas that were not having the effect Dean was hoping for.

"What is this?" Cas said. He put his hands on his face, running it up to his hair and down again. "Why are you doing this to yourself? To me?"

Dean looked into the pale blue shade of Castiel's eyes. He silently wondered why they looked that way. They had no spark, no joy in them. Dean didn't like that. "I just told you I love you."

"You had to be intoxicated to say it aloud? Who wouldn't want to be me?"

Dean glared at Cas, because fuck he was not up for sarcastic comments. This was serious. And he was finally coming clean. "Cas, I didn't tell you. You don't know, but. But that other night I went to a bar with Ash. And I told him I still had game, but he wouldn't believe me. So I went up to a lot of women. And I went all Dean on them. I…I might have made out with some of them. I let them touch me. Cas, I felt like shit. I don't want any of them. I don't know why I'm so fucking stupid."

Cas swallowed hard. It looked like he was having a hard time understanding Dean's ramblings, and once he understood them, it looked like he was hoping he hadn't. "Dean, look at yourself. You're…you're not my Dean. I'm disappointed in you. What I can't seem to understand is why you keep behaving this way. You're not a teenager anymore."

Dean rolled his eyes. "You know what, Cas? Fuck off. I don't want you telling me what to do, or how to act. I'm not your puppet. You don't have control over me." That was all Dean wanted to prove. Because he was his own boss, and no one could tell him otherwise.

"How is it possible for you to tell me you love me, but show me just the opposite of that?"

Dean looked at Cas, right into those pretty eyes that he adored. No matter how many drinks he'd had tonight, he was well aware of the beauty in that man. He was also aware that he couldn't defend his point enough. "I guess it's because I don't." Dean didn't have any other explanation.

If Dean had thought Jo's hurtful look was bad enough, he didn't know what was coming. Castiel's eyes kept producing tears, and they kept rolling down his cheeks, and Dean knew perfectly well he was the reason behind this. Cas rose up, nodding his head a few times, wiping his cheeks clean with the long sleeve of his coat. Cas inhaled a rough breath, making one last teardrop roll out. Meanwhile, Dean couldn't do more that stare at his terrible creation.

"I have a long night ahead of me," Cas said, clearing his throat. "So I should head back inside."

"Cas, wait," Dean said, but he honestly didn't know how he could repair anything he'd done. "I…I went to see you tonight. You were asleep. I couldn't stop myself. I had to drink, and I wasn't going to stop. But I came to see you first. I don't know…I don't have a clue on what I'm doing."

Cas sighed, tired, so fucking tired Dean couldn't stand it. "Maybe tomorrow, Dean. Maybe tomorrow we can talk about this. Anna is waiting for me in there. She needs me."

"Yeah, of course. Go to her rescue."

Cas opened his mouth to speak, but he gave a short halfhearted smile instead. He shut the door to the Impala and Dean watched as the broken down man walked away from him, in every sense of the word.

***

"How many times am I going to find you this hung-over, Dean?" Sammy wondered, opening up all the windows in their apartment.

Dean cringed, covering up his face. He seriously regretted not making it to his bedroom when he got home last night. "What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning," Sam announced, too loudly. "Am I going to have to get mom involved in this again? Dean, you can't keep doing this."

"Shut up," Dean mumbled. He was honestly too tired and worn down to argue anymore.

"Did you grow some balls and talked to Cas yet?"

Cas. Shit. Shit. Shit. What the hell did he do to Cas!

Dean got up too quickly from the couch, making himself dizzy. He searched all his pockets for his cell phone and dug it out once he found it. His fingers couldn't dial Cas' number fast enough. The phone rang and rang and no one picked it up. So Dean called again, and after four times, the call went directly to voicemail.

"Fuck." All the images of his incredibly stupidity last night came flashing one after another. Why the hell did he run throughout the hospital? Dean hurt Jo, Dean hurt himself. Dean hurt Castiel. He hurt the person most undeservingly of pain.

"Oh no," Sam said, walking towards Dean. "No, no. I know that look. You didn't. You didn't fuck things up again, did you?"

Yes he did. Why would anyone expect anything less from Dean? That was all he was good for. Fucking things up. He'd done it with Cassie. He'd done it with Lisa. But this was Cas. His Cas. His very own Doctor Sexy. Dean really did it this time. He ruined the only good thing he had. The only good thing he ever wanted.

"He said we could talk," Dean murmured. "No, I clearly remember Cas said we could talk today. Then why won't he answer the phone? Shit, Cas."

Sam raised his eyebrows, expectantly. "Then get cleaned up and go find him."

Dean grinned, hopefully. "Yeah, I will go find him. He said we could talk about it. He didn't say he didn't want to see me again, even after everything I did."

"That poor sucker."

Dean glared at Sammy. "He's not going to get rid of me that easy."

Sam smiled. "Bless his soul."

"Alright, I'm going to get dressed. Man, my head is pounding. I'm going to need some pills."

"Good luck," Sammy said, and Dean had a feeling he was going to need it.

***

Dean figured it was still early enough for Cas to be at the hospital on watch duty, so he showed up there. He tried to be inconspicuous, even though he didn't see the same cops around.

Dean spotted Bobby speaking to a nurse near his office. He made his way to him, sending him a short grin. "Hey, Bobby."

Bobby did a double-take on Dean, as he interrupted his conversation. The nurse left moments later. "Hi, son."

"Have you, by any chance, seen Cas around?"

Bobby shook his head, and he looked just as tired as Cas had been looking lately. "He went home this morning. Poor fella lost his friend. I was there, and I know we did the best we could, but you should have seen him. He wouldn't come out of his office until morning light. Then he just left without a word."

Dean wanted to pretend he hadn't heard what Bobby had said, but that turned out to be impossible. "Anna? Anna passed away?"

Bobby grimaced, and it seemed to be more personal than Dean had thought. "She was a wonderful girl. A troublemaker at its finest. Cas stepped out for a few minutes, and when he came back in, we'd lost her. She was asking for him right before…But we can't save everyone."

"No, Bobby," Dean said. "But she was Anna. Castiel loved that girl. He was determined to save her. This is  _all_  my fault."

"What does any of this have to do with you, boy?"

Dean shook his head, still unable to process most of this. Well, not unable, just not  _want_ ing to process any of it. "Cas was with me, Bobby."

"Oh yeah, I heard you and him are together. I guess this wouldn't be a good time to congratulate you."

Dean felt himself shutting down, but he breathed. He breathed so deep, but it felt like his lungs couldn't have enough. "I did this to him. I fucking destroyed that son of a bitch."

"Well, son, you've got to go make things right with that boy. He shouldn't be alone at a time like this."

Dean turned the other way and walked merely because his feet kept moving.

***

Throughout his life, Dean had made many mistakes. So many that he couldn't list all at once. Some he still dwelled on. Like that time he went to Vegas on an impromptu road trip with a couple of his friends for a week and didn't tell anyone. When he came back there was a search party looking for him and he was empty five hundred dollars. Or like that time his dad missed Sammy's middle school play, so he crashed his car to make him pay for it. But Dean especially regretted the things he did when he was drunk. And what he did to Castiel was at the top of the list.

This wasn't about him anymore, though. Cas was hurting. Dean didn't know if it was for him, but it was definitely because of him. Cas lost Anna, and now he was all alone in that huge house fitted for two. Dean didn't know if Cas even wanted his company, but Dean sure as hell wanted his. He wanted to take Cas in his arms and squeeze him real tight and kiss away his tears. No matter how corny it sounded, he didn't give a damn about that anymore.

Dean didn't bother to knock or ring the doorbell. This time he used his own key first, keeping in mind how much Cas trusted him to even give him one in the first place. Dean hardly ever invited Cas over to his apartment. He tried to convince himself it was because of Sammy, but truthfully Dean was afraid they would become too domestic. After they'd agreed on their relationship, they were moving too fast.

But why was that so scary? Why couldn't Dean just accept that he liked everything Castiel had changed in him? Why couldn't he suck it up and deal with the fact that he was entirely in love with Cas, and that he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with him? And why was he so bothered to have Cas worry about him and give him good advice that would clearly help him screw up less? Saying Dean was an idiot was the biggest understatement in history.

"Cas? Castiel, where are you?" Dean found the pizza he left the night before on the same spot, untouched. He sighed, and then looked up the staircase. The house was so cold he had goose-bumps all over his body. "Cas, I'm coming up."

Castiel's white coat was wrinkled on the upstairs hallways, along with his stethoscope. Dean was afraid of what he would find on the other side of the door, but he opened it anyway.

Dean wasn't prepared for this sight. He was absolutely not prepared to see Castiel sitting cross-legged on his bed, in his boxer briefs, with his long-sleeve button down undone; his hair dry and dirty spiked in all directions, and those pair of baby blue eyes so red and swollen staring blankly ahead at the creamy wall. It wasn't just Cas' physical appearance that tormented Dean, it was those eyes that said more than Dean wanted to hear.

"Cas," Dean gasped.

Castiel didn't even look at Dean. It was like he was too far gone, like he was doing all he could to escape reality. Dean recognized that expression in Castiel. He too had felt that way many times before. But Dean couldn't stop thinking that he did this to Cas, when he was supposed to be there for him. Dean knew how much Castiel cared about Anna, but he'd always been difficult with him when it came to her. Dean had been a little jealous. What a pathetic excuse.

"Cas, I'm right here." Dean went to the bed, carefully moving closer to him, watching for a reaction he still couldn't get. "Cas, I know what happened. I'm so sorry." Dean knew those words were worthless, just hollow little things that meant nothing.

Castiel's bottom lip started to quiver, his arms moved to his chest and he pressed them tight against his abdomen.

Dean didn't care if Castiel didn't want him right now; he was going to attempt to comfort him because he couldn't take it anymore. Dean pulled Cas into his arms, hands tied on his back trying to press him closer and tighter to his body. There was so much desperation and anguish in Castiel's immediate sobs that Dean lost his own strong façade and joined him. Dean buried his face in Castiel's neck, allowing his lips to press small, velvet kisses onto it.

"Cas, baby, don't…don't cry anymore." Dean muttered close to his ear, well aware that he couldn't stop tearing up himself.

Cas finally unfolded his arms and dug them out of the tight space in between them to wrap them around Dean. His fingers clawed into Dean's skin, anxiously. Seconds later, Cas shifted his hands to Dean's shoulders and with all his might pushed him away. Dean glanced at Castiel, alarmed and confused. Castiel stared at Dean, furiously. Like he was hoping for revenge. Dean prepared himself for the worst as Castiel groaned in the back of his throat and leaned forward; however, Dean didn't expect his next move. Cas pushed Dean down on the bed until he was on his back, and he made his way to sit on top of him, with both his legs around Dean.

Cas smiled so big it looked painful. Dean didn't understand what was going through his mind, but Castiel kissed him. He kissed him as passionately as always, giving him every bit of him as possible; their tongues playing with one another and their teeth biting into their lips. Cas was like a savage, literally ripping off Dean's clothes, and whatever he couldn't he removed the proper way. Dean tried to stop him, but he was having a hard time keeping up with the other man's movements.

Cas locked eyes with Dean, right after taking a good long look at the almost naked man below him. Cas still hadn't gotten to his underwear. "You. You are a fucking asshole, Dean Winchester."

Dean gulped. He knew this was true, so he didn't make a comment to contradict Cas. Instead, he let his hands wander down Castiel's waistline.

"You are despicable, and inconsiderate, and you…you are a drunk with a minimum wage job that will get you nowhere."

That was a little more that Dean wanted to take, but he let Cas go on. He had to get it off his chest. Dean gave Cas' hips a squeeze.

"I left my cell phone and my pager in my office," Cas explained in almost inaudible murmurs. "I went out for a couple minutes, and I found you. You were so drunk and you were yelling like a maniac, and I had to leave her alone. I didn't think anything would change in just a few short minutes." Cas stopped to take a deep, forceful breath. "I had to deal with your bullshit, your fucking issues. When I returned, she was gone. I made her a _promise_. I left her for you. I don't think I made the right decision."

"Cas," Dean choked out. "Cas, don't say that." Dean was hoping they could communicate better, but this was not what he had waited for.

"I don't want to see you, Dean," Cas cried, and the words seemed to be like poison in his mouth. "I don't want you in my house again. I'm getting old. You seem to be stuck in your pitiful teenager stage, rebellious like my younger brother. One of these days you'll end up convulsing after your fucking binges and I won't be able to save you either. This is my limit, Dean."

Dean managed to sit up on the bed, as Castiel climbed off of him. Dean kept his eyes right on Cas', waiting for the punch line of his very unfunny joke. But Cas didn't seem to be joking. In fact, he'd never looked this dead serious before. It was Dean who had trouble accepting the consequences of his actions. "I get it," Dean said after a moment of silence.

Castiel picked up Dean's shredded clothes and handed them to him. "You can borrow some of my clothes for now. No, actually, just keep them." Cas opened up the drawer in his nightstand and pulled out a few CDs Dean had purposefully left in the house. "Take these, too. I'm going to need my key back." Cas reached out his hand, looking anywhere but at Dean. It was because he was holding back the tears this time. Even after that long cry between them, he was trying to regain his strength. It was more that Dean could say of himself.

"This wasn't meant to happen," Dean said, knowing anything he tried to say would be too late, but Dean always had a hard time keeping his mouth shut. "I fucked up. I fuck up a lot. But you—"

"I can forgive you? Again and again until I hate you more and more each day? Dean, I don't think you want that.  _I_  don't want that."

Dean put his clothes back on, ripped and all. Then he put the key in Castiel's hand, seeing as there was no turning back. Castiel looked so sure of everything he'd said. Dean knew he did wrong, but that selfish part of him wanted Cas to forgive him so they could move past it. "You're right. About everything. I'm tired of arguing. I hurt you, man, and I know an apology doesn't cut it, but it's all I can give you."

"Dean, don't waste your breath. I'm not asking for anything other than for you to leave." The coldness in Castiel's voice was clearly just an illusion because it looked like the man was having a hard time keeping it together. And that's what bothered Dean the most.

"Okay," Dean said, reluctantly. Dean knew he had no other option, and he wanted to prevent any more damage to Castiel, so he left, knowing he'd lost so much more than he ever really knew he had.


	11. Chapter 11

"Just two deliveries left tonight, Dean," Chuck said nonchalantly.

Dean let out a breath of relief. He was ready to get the hell out of work. He was tired of dealing with this day. He sensed he would always be tired of this pitiful thing he called his life.

"And Dean, can I ask you something?" Chuck said, for once moving away from the cash register and coming to sit next to Dean.

Dean gave a quick nod.

"What did you do to Jo? I mentioned you to her today and she gave me this scary look and snapped at me."

"Damn," Dean said. "I have to talk to her and apologize. As if I haven't fucked everything up already."

"You didn't answer my question," Chuck pointed out.

"I got crazy yesterday night," Dean explained. "She was trying to help me out, but I bitched at her."

Chuck smiled sympathetically. "Yeah, that's a sure fire way to earn her hate."

"Oh, I'm an expert at making people hate me."

"What exactly did you do, Dean?"

Chuck was a nice guy, Dean would never deny that. And he looked like he was honestly worried about Dean, but he was fucking tired of repeating his stupidity to people. Sammy heard the entire story because Dean needed someone to hear him out for once. And he knew if there was one person who would listen to him without cutting him off and instantly judging him, it would be his brother.

"Okay, I understand, Dean," Chuck said, getting up. "I shouldn't be butting into your business."

Dean tried to smile, but every part of him refused to. "It's not like that. I just don't want to remind myself of a few things."

Chuck nodded, looking as sincere as always. "That makes total sense. Anyway, I should get back to work."

Dean sighed. The pizzas were handed to him by a moody Bela, which he completely ignored. He walked to his car, and sat the pizzas in their place. Dean felt someone walking behind him, so he turned around warily.

"Dean-o," Grabiel cheered. "Ready to get the hell out of this madhouse?"

"That's what I'm trying to do," Dean said, unable to ignore the fact that he was standing in front of Castiel's little brother. And he immediately realized that connection would always haunt the back of his mind for as long as he knew the guy.

"Want some candy?" Gabriel asked, handing Dean a pixie stick, which Dean took without hesitation.

Dean sighed again. "Thanks, Gabe." And there it was—the need to bring up Castiel because he just couldn't build a bridge and get over it. "Um, you know what? Cas has been talking about you lately. He keeps saying how much he wishes you would visit him. Maybe you should drop by and surprise him one of these days. He spends a great deal of time alone."  _And also, could you tell him to forgive me and take me back, please?_

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Cas doesn't want me around. I know the guy; he's my brother, for crying aloud. Besides, doesn't he have a new plaything to keep himself entertained with?"

"No," Dean said flatly. "He's pretty much alone right now. It could be a fun family reunion thing. Just think about it."

Gabriel grinned widely, like he'd figured out Dean's hidden plan. "Will you be there, too, Winchester?"

Dean didn't want to talk about his recent incident, otherwise known as his complete screw-over, so he pretended everything was  _fine_. "Probably not. Cas' schedule and mine keep clashing, so we can't hang out anymore."

"Hmm," Gabriel said, skeptically. "I guess it all depends on how I'm feeling about my family one of these days. I may have to show up just to pull out that stick out of his ass and help him find his balls."

Dean shut his eyes and shook his head, instantly regretting having asked Gabriel for this. Even more so, he had no rights. Dean climbed inside his car, turning back to Gabriel. "Pizzas are getting cold."

"See you tomorrow, Dean-o."

 _Sure_ , Dean thought.  _Let's have another day to waste my youth in my pointless job, without any motivation or energy left in my body. And completely alone._

_***_

"Do you have any plans tonight?" Sammy said, pouring some of his freshly squeezed orange juice into their glasses. Sammy was the only good thing Dean had left that he still felt was his. Sammy still cared for him. Sammy still made sure Dean got his act together, even though he'd spent the last two weeks moping around. Sammy stayed in his room one night, as Dean sang along to "I'm All Out of Love" repeatedly, and Sammy sang with him. Sammy also made sure Dean didn't have a sip of alcohol, even when Ash had brought a whole keg last Friday night.

But what else would be expected from Sammy, the best fricken brother in the world Dean had ever come to know? Hell, he was thankful for him. Dean looked at him, forcing the tinniest smile on his face, and it was all for his brother. "No, Sammy. I think I'm just going to stay in all day long. Maybe watch some DVDs."

Sam grinned back at his brother. "Since I knew you were going to say that, I took the liberty to get dinner reservations in your favorite Italian restaurant."

"Really?" Dean asked, and he could almost hear the excitement in his voice. "Why did you even bother, though? It's not my birthday, is it?"

Sam shrugged. "You like very few things, Dean, and I'm going to guide myself with them so I can get you going again. I promised not to tell mom anything, but you also promised not to let yourself go. And if you must know, back when you went to your first AA meeting, I made a promise to mom that I would take care of you."

Dean never liked the touchy-feely-self-help-yoga crap, but coming from his brother, he didn't have any other choice but to welcome it. Especially during these times of whatever the hell he was going through, which he still didn't quite comprehend. All Dean was aware of was how terribly unhappy he was. "Thanks for sticking around, man. I mean it."

Sammy grinned, taking a bite of his pancakes. "What are brothers for?"

***

"A suit, Sammy? Come on!" Dean complained, looking at himself in the mirror. "I could pull off a trashcan if I wanted to, but I don't wear suits. They itch and they're hot, and I'm not going to a wedding." Dean widened his eyes, turning around to face his gigantic brother. "I'm  _not_  going to a wedding, right, Sam?"

Sam chuckled, twisting Dean back around and adjusting the black jacket. "This is a fancy, high-class restaurant, Dean. I can't be seen around with you in jeans."

Dean smiled, actually smiled this time. Then again, Sammy had earned it. "Alright, quit bitching. I already have it on. Are you going to hold my hand now?"

"No. Get in the car, Dean," Sammy pushed Dean toward the door. "We have ten minutes to get there. I think we can still make it. Chop, chop."

"Since when did you get so bossy? Damn."

Sammy locked the door once they were outside. "Ten minutes. Get in the car."

"It's just reservations for you and me, Sam," Dean said defensively. "I don't think we have to get worked up about it."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to ruin our special evening."

"Such a girl," Dean stated, finally getting in the car and driving off.

***

The restaurant was packed. The first time Dean had been here he must have been no more than twelve years old. He remembered this place from his childhood. Dean was in the A-honor roll for the first and last time, and his parents were so proud they told him to pick a place to celebrate. He didn't know a thing about this place. All he knew was that it was fancy and expensive and he deserved both with his good grades. Of course, Sammy had been upset at the time, knowing that he always had the best grades, but hardly ever any recognition. It was like it was expected from him. But from Dean, a little bit of effort went a long way.

If only he'd known how the tables would turn as they grew older. Sammy was heading for law school, while Dean was simply and uniquely the pizza man.

"Our table is ready, Dean," Sammy said. They were led to the table, and Dean got comfortable, sitting in front of Sam. His younger brother looked around the room for a moment, disconcerting Dean, and right before he had the chance to question him, Sam got up without saying another word.

Dean scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, and turned to follow his brother's path. Sammy headed back to their table, only this time, with a companion behind him. One who was none other than his very own Castiel.

***

"Dean?" Cas asked innocently, because sure, what a coincidence, right?

Dean turned to glare at his brother, who was fighting back a playful smile. This was clearly all his work. Dean didn't know whether to thank him or punch him in the face. Judging by the speed in which his heart was beating, he figured he should just suck it up and thank him.

"Hi, Cas," Dean got up from his chair, hurriedly, not knowing if he should aim for shaking Cas' hand or taking him into the much needed hug he craved for. Instead, he kept his hands to himself.

Cas gulped, running hands up to loosen his tie. His nervous eyes trailed towards Sammy. "I'm sorry, but I thought it would just be us here tonight, Sam. You said you had something very important to tell me."

Sam nodded. "As a matter of fact, I do, Castiel. I need to tell you that I dragged both you and Dean out here with tiny little white lies so that you would sit down and talk. Just talk. I'm not asking for anything more. I don't think it's healthy for either of you to pretend this chapter of your lives is completely over. At least give yourselves the chance to talk things out."

Dean wanted to scream that yes, he wanted to talk things out, but the sudden look of anger in Castiel's eyes made him keep his mouth shut. Dean wasn't getting his hopes up. He knew all along his chance was gone, and he would never get it back.

"So…Dean? Cas?" Sammy asked tentatively. "Why don't you guys just take a seat? I'll be at the bar if you need me." And just like that, Sammy left them alone.

Dean looked at Cas and he loved what he saw. Castiel had managed to dress up like he was attending a royalty ball. No, more like he was royalty himself. Castiel's eyes were staring right back at him with incredible intensity. Dean missed that. He missed everything about this man. But he could feel himself pulling back from this, forming some sort protective shield around him. Dean shouldn't want any of it back. He had to stop himself before his mind got the best of him.

"It's...quite a surprise," Cas mumbled, stumbling down to his chair. Dean sat back down on his, unable to take his eyes off of Cas.

The waiter showed up at their tables, and they each ordered Chicken Alfredo with garlic bread. Dean wasn't sure if it was the lighting, but he could have sworn Castiel was blushing.

"I can't believe Sam would do something like this," Dean said. "To be honest, I didn't see it coming, and he was throwing some pretty heavy hints. Made me wear this suit and file my fingernails. I should shut up now." Dean never did like that big mouth of his.

Cas sighed, gazing at Dean, but this wasn't something Dean was used to. It was like Cas was concentrating on something else, while staring in Dean's direction. "I don't know where to start. I'm not even sure I want to do this right now."

"How…how have you been lately? Eating lots of…onions?" Why the fuck would a person in their right mind ask this? Oh right, Dean wasn't one of those.

Cas licked his lips, and in a flash-like second, he looked at Dean's lips, too. "I took a few days off from work and went to Vermont. Balthazar has a house there, and he offered it to me. I had a nice time." Cas gave a side smile that made Dean smile again. "If I must confess, I have not eaten a single onion recently. I mean, not ever since you left the last pizza."

"That's really great about the trip, Cas," Dean contemplated. "I should have taken time off. I wish I would have. Nowadays, I can't stand my job."

Cas looked at Dean seriously now. "Then you should quit. I am certain that you have the potential to do anything you set your mind to. Think of something, figure out a game plan, and follow it through, Dean. I believe you can and will do it."

 _Just shut up and kiss me._ "That does sound tempting. I will have to give this some thought. I guess it is about time I do something about my future."

Cas smirked. "It's never too late to come to that conclusion."

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean said. He said it because he couldn't hold in the many apologies he had been storing. "I can't stop thinking about everything I did to you, and I don't know how to move on. I'm sorry about Anna. I know how much—"

"Stop," Cas snapped. "Don't talk about her. I think I better go."

"No. You can't just drop this altogether and leave. You and I never communicated right. I'm pretty sure whatever we were saying through eye-language didn't go through correctly. I need you to talk to me, and I need you to hear me out."

Cas took a long, deep breath. "Sure, Dean. Let's talk."

"Okay," Dean said, leaning in closer. He was ready to speak with his heart, no matter how uncomfortable it got for both of them. He was tired of their misunderstandings and secrets. "Cas, I was attracted to you from the very moment you answered your door. You were this beautiful and perfect person in front of me. I'm pretty sure my first thought was to dry hump your leg." Dean winced at his own words. "I have no filter."

Castiel snickered anyway. It seemed like he was enjoying Dean's little outlook from the past.

"I always liked you, Cas. I liked you even when I didn't. When you told me drinking was bad for me I didn't want to accept it because I didn't know how. There were so many times I just wanted to kiss you, everywhere possible. I wanted to taste you. I tried to convince myself I was just that horny, but being around you has that effect on me. Why don't I just cut off my tongue now?"

Cas rolled his eyes. "Dean, there is very little I don't know about you. I think I can handle your slipped-out sentences."

Of course Cas knew about everything about Dean, which made it was harder to tell him what he couldn't see clearly. "The first time I finally had the guts to kiss you, I decided I wanted more, and I would always want more. I don't think I knew at the time how much I would enjoy jumping into a relationship with you. I was afraid. I struggled with my sexuality. I was ashamed that my family would think less of me because I'm different. I didn't want to be just friends. I don't think that ever really went through my mind. And I have no idea when it happened, but I fell in love with you." And there it was, the only argument Dean had in his favor. He was deeply in love with Castiel. It was simple, really.

Castiel's eyes became soft, giving off a warmer, much calmer expression to his face. There was no more anger lingering around. "I fell in love with you, too, Dean. I don't understand why it was so difficult for you to tell me before."

"I'm an idiot," Dean said. "But you probably already figured that out."

Cas nodded. "Thank you for being honest with me."

"It's the least I can do, Cas. I would have told my family, too. Sammy knew about us ever since the day he met you. I was this close to telling everyone else. I just needed more time."

Cas grinned, leaning back in his chair. "You don't have to stress out over this anymore, Dean."

Dean grimaced, knowing well enough Cas was right.

"I guess it's my turn now," Cas muttered. The waiter arrived and delivered their dinner at once. Dean patiently waited for Castiel to take a few bites of his food, and he took the time to do the same, but after they had tasted their food—which was not as delicious as Castiel's home-cooking—Cas began speaking. "Your drinking was always an issue for me, Dean, but I thought it was something we could work out together. I would have done everything in my power to help you quit. But I cannot force anything onto you, I'm well aware of that."

Dean kept his eyes directly on Cas, listening attentively. He was not going to interrupt Castiel. He wanted to know what he was feeling. Dean was surprised to realize how much this mattered to him.

"I kept thinking that you just didn't like me enough, Dean," Cas confessed. "You would look back at me every time I stared into your eyes, and I felt like you wanted to tell me something, but you never really did. You just kept kissing me. And I loved it, and I loved you, in an entirely different way. In a way that was new to me, and it filled me with so much joy. I went along with your decisions, as I have been accustomed to. But it was different, as well. With you, I felt like I could always contribute my own ideas." Castiel looked away from Dean, staring down at his plate. "Not telling your family about us did hurt me. It made me feel like some sort of monster—as if being with me was something out of this world."

Dean didn't know what to say to that, but his hand had a quicker reaction, reaching for Castiel's chin and tilting his head upwards. Cas looked at him, eyes filled with pain that Dean was responsible for. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. If I could go back and change it, I would."

Cas slowly removed Dean's hand from his face, and gave him a very serious, stern look. "You don't have to apologize, Dean. You taught me something that I'll never forget. I learned how to make my own choices. I chose not to be with you, and that's the most freedom I've felt in my life."

Dean never understood what the hell people meant by having a "broken heart." His heart was nothing more than an organ in his body. He was sure if it were to actually break, he would no longer be alive. But right now, right at this moment, there was nothing better to describe the way he was feeling.

***

"Are we going to talk about this?" Sammy wondered, but Dean stepped on the gas. "I had the best intentions."

Dean ran over a red light. "Should've just left things like that."

"But Dean—"

"No, Sammy. I had made up my mind that I had fucked up. I was done with it. I thought the only reason keeping us apart was that Cas didn't know where I was coming from. But now he does, and he doesn't care. He moved on. He doesn't give a damn about me. He loves his freedom. He loves being independent. He just  _loves_  being without me. I didn't have to know any of that. I should have stayed home all day like I wanted to."

"Well, at least you gave it a try," Sam encouraged. "At least you won't be wondering 'what if' for the rest of your life."

Dean groaned. "Dammit, Sam, I didn't want this. I didn't want any of this."

"I was just trying to help," Sammy mumbled.

"Yeah, well next time just stay out of it. I don't need anyone's help. I never had, and I never will."

Sammy didn't say anything else. And Dean hoped that his side view was lying to him because he couldn't stand knowing that he was the type of dick that would make his little brother cry.

***

"Dude, I got invited to this party tonight," Ash said. "We should totally go."

It would have been so easy for Dean to accept this invitation. Go out, drink, and get completely wasted so he wouldn't feel a thing. It would have also been easy to hook up with any girl that wandered in his path. Dean wanted to, but he'd made up his mind. He wasn't letting go. He was doing it all for Sammy. "No, man, I think I'm going to pass this time."

Ash rolled his eyes. "You are so boring nowadays."

Dean shrugged. "I'm just done."

"Whatever," Ash said, walking back to his station.

Dean went to stand next to Chuck, practicing and mentally rewording what he was going to ask him. "Hi, Chuck, how's Jo doing? I'm sure she told you I stopped by the other day to talk to her. She shut the door on my face. Almost broke my nose."

Chuck laughed quietly. "No, she didn't mention that. She just said she wanted nothing to do with you. She'll get over it sooner or later."

"I'll just keep trying until she has no choice but to love me again," Dean said, and it stung the pit of his stomach for some reason.

Chuck smiled. "I will also try to talk some sense into her."

"Thanks, Chuck. I owe you one. Actually, I'm about to owe you more. Do you think you can help me out with something?"

Chuck turned to Dean, giving him his undivided attention. "Yes, absolutely, anything you ask for."

Dean had always known there was a reason he liked the guy so much. "Let's keep this between us, alright? I'm a little interested in checking out the community college by my house. Now, I don't know what the heck I'm getting myself into. I don't even know if they would take me in. I don't want Sammy pressuring me about this, which is what he'd do if I told him I'm considering it. You're a smart guy. You must know a thing or two about college stuff, right?"

Chuck was beaming before Dean even finished talking. "It's on. Tomorrow we are taking a campus tour."

Dean blinked, astounded. "O-kay. Yeah. I guess we're doing this then."

"Yes. Leave it all to me. I will make sure you have all the information. You will not regret this, Dean."

"Great," Dean said. He was glad to receive a positive response from someone again. He was even a bit excited about college now, with Chuck's enthusiasm. This  _would_  be good. Sammy would be happy.

***

"Okay, let's go over this again, Dean," Chuck said. "You have your transcripts, shot records, GED certificate, proof of address, and your driver's license?"

Dean nodded to all of them. "Yes, I've got them. But just so we're clear, I may or may not register today. I told you, all I wanted was to be informed."

"I understand, but as long as we're here, you might as well be prepared. What if you can't resist signing up for classes once you're inside the campus?"

"Doubt that would ever be a problem for me," Dean assured him.

"Aren't you looking forward to leaving your job, doing something you actually enjoy doing and getting paid for it? That's the only thought that gets me through school on most days."

Dean considered it, and yeah he did want that, except he still had no idea what he would even study for. He still didn't have a motivation. All he wanted was to get that "pizza man" title out of the way. Dean parked outside the school and turned to Chuck, who looked so small inside the Impala. "You're right. I am looking forward to not working at that stupid old pizzeria anymore."

"Very good, Dean. I'm proud of you for finally taking this step."

 _Yep,_  Dean thought.  _Finally._


	12. Chapter 12

The inside of the community college was nothing big or out of the ordinary. It sort of looked like Dean's old high school. Not that he had many clear memories of that.

Dean got the feeling he would feel as if he were in high school all over again. He had a sort of premonition that something would head his way and rattle him up again. He wasn't sure that if he were to start his college career, he would finish it. And it would all end up being both a waste of time and money.

Chuck convinced him to go through with it, telling him he had nothing left to lose. And of course, no one could argue with that. Chuck did most of the talking, while Dean stood back and listened carefully. He had a lot of questions, and somehow Chuck knew about them because he knew just what to ask. Dean felt a little bit stupid near the end, when he looked around and saw that he was the only one with a spokesperson.

"Dean, are you sure you  _don't_  want to go ahead and register today?" Chuck asked with a clear tone of irritation in his voice.

Dean let out a tired breath. "I just don't know if I can handle school with my full time job. When does it even start?"

Chuck sighed, exasperatedly. "You would be registering for the fall semester, Dean. That's not till August. Besides, you can choose your classes at any other time. I really think it would be wise to do this now."

"Fine," Dean said, defeated. "Let's just get this over with."

With Chuck's help, Dean was officially registered for college. What an achievement for the  _drunk with a minimum job that will take him nowhere_. He deserved a pad on the back.

"I had too much soda today. Yup, I think it's time to drain it all out now," Dean announced as they walked down the campus' hallways. "Meet you in the parking lot."

Chuck nodded and headed out the door, while Dean searched for the bathrooms. Dean didn't care for asking around, so he got lost going in circles that felt more like squares. By the time he saw the big sign that titled _Restrooms_ he was just about ready to explode. As he headed inside, Dean heard an obnoxious, loud laughter he hadn't heard in a while. Dean backtracked a little, looking in the direction the noise was coming from.

What his eyes showed him made his guts nearly burst into flames and dissolve in pure acid. Ruby stood at the far end of the hallway, tiptoeing to kiss an extremely tall dude—a dude that was most definitely not his baby brother. Dean walked a couple steps to their direction, but he had to stop abruptly as the pressure in his jeans didn't let him walk properly. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He bit his lip and swore under his breath as he reluctantly ran into the bathroom.

Dean hurried up the process, but by the time he'd made it back outside, there was no more Ruby and no more what's-his-face. Dean headed down that same hallway, hoping to find them around somewhere, but of course they were gone. Like that was going to stop him from confronting the bitch. And Sammy was going to hear about this. It was about time he got rid of that demonic skanky cheater.

Chuck waited patiently outside of Baby, as Dean made his way back to the parking lot. They both climbed in and Dean stepped on the gas. "What took you so long?"

"I got lost," Dean mumbled, unable to speak out his rage. He had to talk to Sammy before anyone else.

***

"Sam? Sam, pick up. Dammit." Dean left another voicemail when Sammy didn't pick up the phone after the fourth phone call. Dean knew Sam was at work, but would it be so difficult to check his cell phone every second like any normal teenager would?

Five long ass minutes later, Sam called back. Dean jumped up from the couch. "I need to talk to you," Dean hurried. "I need you to come home right now."

"What? No. I'm working."

"Fuck, Sam," Dean hissed. "This is important."

"My job is important," Sam countered. "I have to pay your bills since you wasted your money on alcohol, remember?"

Dean groaned because yes he remembered, but this was not the time to discuss that. "I need to tell you something about Ruby. It's urgent. I'll be waiting at home."

"Wait, Dean, you can't just—"

Dean clicked on his brother. If he was going to make Sammy drive all the way back home from work, he had to leave him in suspense.

***

"What happened to Ruby, Dean?" Sam demanded as he stepped in the house. "I've tried calling her cell and she won't answer. I don't know what kind of trick you're playing with me, but it's not funny, so cut it out."

Dean walked to his brother, taking him in for a hug, knowing he would need it. "I'm going to skip the 'I told you so' part of this because you're my brother."

Sam pulled away, utterly perplexed and starting to look angry. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?"

"Ruby's cheating on you, man," Dean cut to the chase. "I saw her making out with some other guy today."

His brother raised his eyebrows, slowly forming a grin. "You're good. That looked very real. Great performance. Almost bought it."

Dean shook his head. "No. What? Sam, I'm not lying about this. I saw Ruby, your precious little girlfriend, getting some lip to lip action with a dude that was not you. Not by a few inches."

"Are you even sure it was her? Where did you  _supposedly_  see this happen? Because, you know, she's not even in town right now."

Dean opened his mouth in shock, seeing that his own brother didn't believe his word. "I went to register for college today with Chuck, okay? I wasn't going to tell you yet, but there it is. That's where I saw her. First I heard her laugh, and then I saw her back, and that frizzy ugly hair of hers."

Sam chuckled humorlessly. "You're seriously…It's sad. It's just sad seeing how far you'll go just to break us apart, Dean. Do you expect me to believe that first of all, you went to register for college? And that you recognized my girlfriend's laughter in a public place, and that guiding yourself from her back and hair you were convinced it was her? I'm not sure which one I believe less."

Dean was furious. Not so much at Ruby anymore, although she was still a part of it, but at the way his brother would be so blind. Sammy had always trusted Dean. Sammy was so far gone that he couldn't even recognize the truth apart from the lies. "I know what I saw. Ruby is cheating on you. Now, you may still not believe me, but I expect for you to at least make sure you know who you're dealing with. Didn't you tell me before there were rumors about this already? See, what more proof do you need?"

Sam rolled his eyes, walking to the couch and sitting down calmly on it. "Ruby is good. She loves me as much as I love her and whether you like it or not, we will get married someday. She will be part of the family, and you can't do anything to stop it. Just because you can't be happy doesn't mean I shouldn't."

Dean was not prepared to hear any of this. Hell, he wasn't prepared to see how his brother fell into a pit he would have to forcefully pull him out of. Dean stood in front of Sam, looking down at him with a hard look on his eyes. "You're going to stay with her, cheater and all? Tell me, Sam. Is that really what you're going to do?"

"She's not cheating," Sam said, convinced. "And yes, of course I will."

Dean didn't give this much thought, but the words basically slipped out as they tended to do. "Then I want you to get the hell out of my house."

Sam froze, looking directly ahead at nothing in particular. "You can't kick me out of my home."

"I don't want you out any more than you do, but I'm not going to stand back and watch you make a fool of yourself with that girl. Either you stay here with me, and dump her sorry ass, or you leave and go have a family with a girl that can't keep her legs closed."

Sam looked at Dean, pushing forward and up from the couch. "I'm out of here."

Dean let out a quiet gasp, unable to react completely. He watched as his brother left the apartment, taking nothing more than what he had with him, with a promise to return later for his belongings.

***

Dean didn't know what day of the week it was. He hadn't eaten at all in the past day or two; he wasn't too sure how long it had been. All he knew was that he'd officially run out of alcohol and money to buy some more. He was out of friends who would give him free beers, too. Ash was probably working. It was six in the afternoon, according to the alarm clock on the bedside table.

Dean looked at the mess on his carpet, unable to remember when he'd decided it would be a good idea to puke on it. He must not have had the patience to get out of bed for it. His only reaction to it was a long yawn.

After Sammy had taken all of his things, Dean came to the conclusion that his only reason to pull himself together was gone. He had nothing to fight for. There was nothing to keep him strong. He'd lost most of his friends, and he ignored the ones he still had because he just didn't want to be around them.

Dean drank and drank alcohol, wishing it could momentarily numb his deep sense of loss, but he was becoming more immune to it. He'd gone through so many wines, beers, tequilas, whiskeys, and purple nurples, and he could still  _remember_. He could still think clearly and he would sulk in his own pitiful misery.

There was always that thought in the back of his mind that kept hoping for alcohol poisoning so he could be done with everything. And yet he was still bitterly alive.

An obnoxious knocking on his front door woke Dean up from his continuous napping. He groaned, pressing a pillow on his head. The knocking continued, and Dean wanted to shoot whoever was disrupting his hell. After a few minutes, Dean finally got out of bed and made his way to answer the door, in his puked-on clothes.

Mary stood outside, with a long, concerned frown on her face. "Oh Dean." She didn't stop to overanalyze Dean's look, or to yell at his face, she just took him in her arms. Then, walked in the house and sat a pie down on the table.

Dean barely glanced at it as he took over the entire couch and turned on the TV. He loved his mom, but in his current mood he just wanted to be alone.

"Sweetheart, what is going on here?" Of course, she would ask for explanations Dean did not want to give. And he wouldn't.

Dean shrugged and then settled for a talk show on TV.

Mary came to sit on the floor, near Dean. She watched the show with Dean for a while, not asking anything else until the third set of commercials. "I made you some apple pie. I know how much you love it. I'm sure you've been craving it."

Dean  _wouldn't_  feel guilty about not calling his mother. He had too much on his plate. So, at the least he acknowledged the pie. "Yeah, thank you."

Mary sighed, keeping her eyes on the TV. Dean took short seconds to look at her, but only when she wasn't looking. He couldn't make her think he wanted to talk. "Sam dropped by the other day. He told me you two got in a fight, and that he's now living with Ruby."

"Jackass," Dean muttered.

"Sam told me you were struggling," Mary said, in her soft, peaceful voice. Dean welcomed the sound of it, but he didn't get too comfortable.

"I'm fine."

Mary turned to Dean, gazing directly at the dull eyes that wouldn't look back at her. "You don't look fine. We've been here before. Do you remember? We made it through once already. We can do it again—together."

Dean hadn't forgotten. All those nights she'd spent trying to settle him down because he just  _had_  to have a drink. All the times he'd nearly ruined his life by drinking away his problems. This is where he stood again. In the exact same place. Except this time he'd not only lost Sammy, he'd lost Castiel. And Dean had sworn to himself he wouldn't bother his mom with this anymore. "There is no getting through. I'm always going to do what I want."

"You have to find a reason, Dean," Mary encouraged. "You have to find a motivation to keep yourself on track. Whether it'd be love, or courage, or pride, just find it."

Dean met his mother's teary eyes. "I'm really sorry you had to waste your time driving all the way here to tell me this, but I don't need it. I didn't ask for your advice, mom. I'm tired, okay? I'm tired of…life. I'm tired of this fucking self-hatred. What do you want from me? I can't be the perfect son. I can't even be a son. I suggest you turn around and go back where you came from." Dean bit his tongue after saying the last sentence. He wasn't sure he meant anything he said, but his fury made him say it. He had to take it out on someone, which was why Dean did  _not_  want his mother's visit.

Mary gulped, and Dean could almost see the knot in her throat. She held back her tears and stood up. How many times had Dean seen this reaction from people he cared about? That deep sadness in their eyes, combined with disillusion and utter heartbreak. Only Dean Winchester could make that happen. He was the only monster amongst the crowd.

***

Dean managed to shave. He took a shower and brushed his teeth. Dean had breakfast, which he cooked himself. He put some pants on. And with confidence in his one possible good decision, he headed to Crusty Pizzeria.

"Where is Crowley?" Dean asked, as most every employee turned to him.

"He's alive," Gabriel cheered.

Ash gasped. "Dude, it's you."

"Everyone, disregard my theory about the sex change," Bela said.

And the only good answer came from Chuck. "His office, as usual."

Dean made his way to Crowley's office, letting himself in. "Mr. McCloud, so great to see you. Could you come out here for a second?" Dean was aware that there were a couple customers in the place, but he sat on the front counter. "Hey, do you have some candy, Gabe?"

Gabriel grinned wholeheartedly. "Gummy bears, or jelly beans? Your pick."

Crowley came out of his office, entirely perplexed. "Are we having a meeting, Winchester?"

"I'll take both," Dean said to Gabriel. "Thanks." Dean started eating his candy. "Nah, meetings are too formal. We're just hanging out. I do have some things to say to all of you. You know, I didn't think I'd be this excited, but what the hell—this is great."

Crowley waltzed closer to Dean, raising his brows expectantly. "Well, please, don't keep us waiting."

Dean picked out some of the candy stuck in his teeth before proceeding. He cleared his throat and smiled. "I should start with some announcements I guess. Alright, so it turns out I'm into dudes. I had a thing with Gabriel's big bro actually, but sadly it's over now. What are you gonna do?"

Gabriel laughed hysterically. "I fucking knew it, Winchester. I knew you liked it from behind."

Dean nodded, so prideful. "Some have a brain, and others have a gay-dar. Good for you, Gabe. Okay, let's carry on. Oh, right. How could I forget? Crowley made a pass on me, and then I blackmailed him with nonexistent proof. Ash, Chuck, there goes the mystery on your pay-raises." To Dean, the sudden judgmental looks Crowley was receiving were sweeter than the candy he'd been eating earlier. Crowley glared at Dean, like he wished he could disintegrate him with his eyes. "Sorry, man, but I'm just not into you."

"Dude, I did not see that coming," Ash said from a corner of the room.

Dean let out a deep breath. "That felt really good. Let's keep going. There's not much left to say. Basically, I quit. I hated every minute of working here. I hated all of you at some point. I am going to college, thanks to Chuck right here, for forcing me to register. I have no idea how the hell I'm going to pay for classes, but I would rather sell my soul than stay here." Dean jumped down from the counter, smiling at the many attentive faces on him. It seemed like wherever he went, sober or not, there was always an audience. Dean was that kind of guy.

"You go, man," Ash mumbled.

"Good luck," Chuck said.

"Did anyone get this on camera?" Gabriel wondered.

Dean didn't stay to find out. Dean left. He wasn't sure where he was going, but as soon as he got in the Impala, he knew the possibilities were endless.

***

Job hunting sucked. It had been a little over a week since Dean quit his job, and the small paycheck he'd received could only get him so many Ramen noodles. He needed to make money, which was something he hadn't given much thought to as he went in to make a big deal out of his renouncement.

Dean had a lot to fix in his life. He would get to it eventually. First, he had to fix himself. It was a slow process, but while it lasted, he couldn't go to anyone for help. Not after the way he'd treated most of them.

Dean drove near one of his favorite bars, debating whether to stop for just one shot. He needed a stress-reliever. Dean drove away, though. He'd accepted he had a problem, and he was going to change that. He wouldn't allow any weak moments.

The sound of Dean's ringtone startled him. He hadn't gotten many phone calls recently. He answered instinctively on the first ring.

"Yeah?"

"Dean," the familiar raspy voice said on the other line.

Dean couldn't control his heart; it thumped and thumped, and it felt ridiculous. "Hi, Cas."

"Dean, I apologize in advance for what I am about to tell you. I wish it wasn't me to give you this news."

"Fuck. Who died?"

"Um. No one you know, Dean. Let's hope not. But your mom is here at the hospital. She suffered from a heart attack. One of her neighbors brought her in. I'm afraid she will have to go into immediate surgery."

Dean felt his heartbeat accelerating again, but this time it wasn't because of Cas. He was silent as he got on the path to the hospital. Cas was still on the line, waiting for a response. Dean was breathing loud enough to let Cas know he was still there.

"Dean, have faith," Castiel murmured, and there was a strange tone to his voice. Something Dean hadn't heard in a while. He didn't know how to take it in. He just continued driving. "Your mother will be okay. I've seen plenty of patients coming in and out with heart issues, and they recover perfectly well."

"Cas, I'm…I'm scared," Dean confessed, trying not to break down right here on the road. "I'm scared she won't make it. She can't go like this. She has to forgive me. I have to tell her. I want to  _show_  her. I can't let her go. Cas, I need her. Why do I fuck everything up?"

"We can discuss this in person," Cas said. "When you get here, come into my office. In the meantime, get here safely. Please, Dean."

"Yes, Cas," Dean said. And it felt so easy to obey his command.


	13. Chapter 13

Dean noticed his hands were shaking before he got out of the Impala. He tried to calm down because this was no time to lose control. Part of his shakiness was caused by the worry for his mother, and the other part was due to the lack of alcohol in his system. Dean had to be strong, though. He couldn't afford to think of himself in a time like this.

Inside the hospital, Dean saw his brother sitting in a chair in the waiting room, with Ruby at his side. It was plain torture having to stand the sight of them together, but what Dean hated the most was knowing that Sam had chosen some girl over him.

"Sam, how's mom doing?" Dean asked through clenched teeth.

His brother turned to smile at Ruby, then got up and dragged Dean to the other end of the room. "Last I heard she's still in surgery."

Dean stared at Sam, wishing he could get out all his anger and frustration on him, but he knew this wasn't the time or place. "What about dad? Have you heard of him?"

Sam shrugged. "I can't get a hold of him. I've tried all his numbers, but he's pretty much lost right now."

"I need to see Cas," Dean stated. "He might have some useful information." Dean headed to Cas' office, disregarding his brother.

The nurse let Dean through easily this time. She knew him, and even though he'd made the wrong impression on his drunken visit, he was still known around as Castiel's boyfriend.

Dean opened Castiel's door, shutting it behind and racing to the arms of the pensive man behind the desk. Without thinking twice about his action, he took a tight hold of him, and refused to let go.

"Dean," Castiel breathed on Dean's ear, hands sinking on his back, touching him as eagerly as Dean was. "Dean, you're okay."

"Yeah," Dean said, a bit surprised about that fact, too. He pulled back to look at Cas' beautiful blue eyes. It had been a while since he'd seen that intensity in them. Dean felt at ease now that he was looking at them.

"I'm…I'm so glad you're okay."

Dean smiled, moving away to sit on the other side of Cas' desk. "I'm a big boy."

Cas gave a low chuckle, shutting his eyes for a moment and opening them again, and this time he looked at Dean as if he hadn't seen him before. As if Dean was a brand new creature Cas had discovered. "Your mother, Dean, is in a stable condition as of now. I've been informed her surgery is going well."

Dean scrunched his eyebrows. "How did this happen? She's not even fifty yet. I don't understand."

Castiel took a deep breath, running the tip of his tongue through his chapped lips. It was difficult not getting lost in those details for Dean. "Your mother showed a series of heart issues. It appeared she hadn't received treatment on time."

"Dammit. Cas, I was such an asshole to her last time we talked. I didn't visit her. I didn't give her a fucking call, you know—nothing. She wanted to help me. I kicked her away for wanting to help me. Hell, I did the same to you."

"Dean," Cas said suddenly. "Let's not relive history at the time."

"You're right," Dean said. "But I wanted to let her know that I found my motivation. I found what I needed to make sure I could stay on the right track. I have a reason for going back to school, for quitting my job, for not drinking. It all comes down to one thing. You."

Castiel's eyes opened widely, and a hint of a smile appeared on his face. "Me?"

Dean nodded. "I know you said you don't want anything to do with me anymore, Cas, but I don't want to live a life without you. I want to be someone you're proud of. It's probably real silly, but man I love you. I've lost everything, even my brother. Now I know I have to get my shit together before I even try to make it up to you, but I'm willing to do it. I don't care how long it takes. I want to tell  _her_  that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gotten back up again. I…" Dean choked. Before he could process what was going on, he felt a salty tear rolling down his cheek.

Castiel was at his side in a fraction of a second, pulling him up and into his arms again. Dean let his cheek rest on Cas' shoulder, arms reaching around his waist, clenching at his shirt. Castiel moved the hand on Dean's back soothingly. "Let's pray," he murmured.

Dean felt confused at the sudden suggestion, but he pulled back to nod. He stood there for a moment after, looking at Cas as he looked back, welcoming their silent communication. "I don't think I know how, Cas."

"Come sit with me," Cas said, moving Dean to the couch in his office. They sat next to each other, as close as it was possible, and Cas took Dean's hand in his. Dean was reminded of Castiel's subtle, yet powerful touch, and he gave a noticeable shiver at the thought. Cas tightened the grip on Dean's hand at that.

"How should I start?" Dean wondered. He  _wanted_  to know. He wanted to do what Castiel told him to because Dean knew he wasn't currently in the best position to know what was best for him. He'd thought he did, and he'd been so wrong. From now on, he would listen to Cas. He would make sure none of his advice went unnoticed.

Cas gazed into Dean's eyes, and there was so much emotion in those set of colored eyes that Dean shed another tear. "Close your eyes."

Dean did. He concentrated on the sound of his beating heart, instantly thinking of his mom's fragile heart being poked at by a bunch of doctors. Dean couldn't be sure she would recover entirely. She had to be taken care of. Dean would make sure she had all the attention she needed. He would be her caregiver. Dean would make sure his mother's heart was strong and kept its proper beatings.

"Speak to God," Cas muttered. "Everything hanging on your chest; everything you've been holding back. Tell Him."

Dean had never quite enjoyed one-way communications. He wasn't a very communicative guy, first of all, but this felt more like speaking to himself. He wouldn't get a response, at least not in words. Dean wasn't even sure he had enough faith or was in the right religion to be praying.

"I'm right here, Dean," Cas said in a low voice. "I'm going to stay here with you."

Dean didn't know exactly what Castiel meant by that. Dean concentrated on the pressure in his hand, and the knowledge that Castiel was the one holding onto him. He opened his mouth slowly and began to pray, "Uh, Dear God, I guess, um I have a few things to ask of you. I don't know if you are listening right now, maybe you're busy, or I'm not really deserving of your time, but here goes nothing. I want my mom to make it safely out of surgery, and to recover. I want to be the son she needs, the one that she deserves. I don't want to let her down anymore. I promise to be with her, take care of her, just like she did with me. Also, I want Sammy to realize his girlfriend is a good-for-nothing sk—" Dean stopped midsentence, to find better words. "Person. She is a good-for-nothing person. I would love to have Sam back home. I didn't want him out in the first place. I miss him a lot."

Dean heard the soft breathing of Castiel, so close to him. He knew where his train of thought was leading him to, and he went ahead with it. "I want Castiel to forgive me. I want him to know that I hate myself for everything I did to him. I know he loved Anna. I know I took him away from her when she needed of him, but he should know I need him, too. I will always need him. Without him I feel…this bitter taste in all my food. Nothing is good anymore. Everything is dull and boring and I can't get past an episode of Dr. Sexy without thinking of him and wishing Dr. Sexy could morph into Cas because Cas is so much sexier. I want your help to fix me up so I can make a decent person of myself. I know I've probably bothered you enough for now. This was…this was alright. I might do it again. Uh, Amen." Dean opened his eyes, turning to Castiel, who was already gazing at him. "Thanks, Cas, for making me—"

Castiel silenced Dean with his lips. It was a soft, mellow clashing of their perfectly-matched lips, but it lighted up Dean's spirit. Castiel moved his free hand to Dean's face, and delicately smoothed out his features. Dean trembled once more, but this time it was out of sheer bliss. Dean felt Castiel smile under their kiss, and Dean managed to pull away in order to see this for himself. Cas was still grinning, staring softly into Dean's eyes. Dean was still puzzled by the unexpected kiss, so Cas reached his lips to the tip of Dean's nose and then back to his lips.

Dean felt he needed no further explanations. He gave in and smiled, too.

"I would apologize for my behavior," Cas said, "but the last thing I am right now is sorry."

"If you hadn't done it first I probably would have done it anyway."

Castiel intertwined their fingers together, as they were still holding onto each other. "It may not be the best time to say this, but I've realized why it was that I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions. The one chance I get, I choose to lose you, and it's the worst feeling in the world. Dean, I loved Anna, of course I did. But I love you more than I could put into words. Nothing you did or will do in the future would ever stop that from being true. You do what you have to do, but know that I will be waiting for you. I'm all yours."

Dean felt there couldn't possibly be better words he could ever hear again.

***

"Dad, where the hell have you been?" Dean demanded. "We've been trying to reach you for hours."

John glared at his two sons, who were impatiently waiting for an answer. "I was on a hunting trip. Where's Mary?"

Sam sighed. "She's out of surgery. Still not awake, though. We've been waiting for the 'okay' to go see her."

John pressed his thumb and index fingers in between his eyes. "Is she going to be okay? No one had ever told me she was prone to heart attacks. I always told her to go to her check-ups but she didn't, now look where we're at."

"She'll recover," Dean said. "Castiel told me so."

"Who the hell is Castiel? I need to see Mary. Where is her doctor?"

Dean waited with his brother as his dad desperately asked around for information on his mom. John looked devastated. The pain inflicted in him due to Mary's health was obvious. Dean didn't want to get his hopes up about this again, but he could swear John still loved his mother. He figured he wouldn't say anything to Sam this time, though. Sam wouldn't agree.

"We'll have mom back, Dean," Sam assured him. "I know it."

Dean looked up at his enormous brother, smiling. "Yeah, me too."

Sam turned to Ruby, who was sleeping on one of the chairs. "I better take her home. That cannot be comfortable."

"I'll call you if mom wakes up," Dean said, keeping all his opinions on the matter to himself.

"Thanks."

***

John seemed restless as he came to sit by Dean. "Talked to Bobby. He said we almost lost her. If it hadn't been for Gloria, your mom's neighbor, she wouldn't have made it. Speaking of, have you seen her around? I should send her a fruit basket or something."

Dean shook his head. "I don't think so. I'll make sure to thank her, too."

"Dean, who…who was that Castiel you mentioned earlier?" John asked quietly. Dean could sense that his clear anxiety wasn't due to his mom's state of being, it was because he'd found out about him and Cas. It was bound to happen sometime.

"Same one you met at the BBQ," Dean explained. He wasn't going to hide anything.

John played with his hands, unable to set them anywhere. "I…I remember him, yeah. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not one to believe gossip, especially coming from women. But I heard those nurses at the front desk discussing you. They were wondering if you were still  _dating_  Castiel."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, dad, Castiel and I used to be together. We got in a fight and then we weren't. Now we're working toward solving out our problems. I'm trying to solve mine, actually. But we're…we're kind of serious."

John blinked hard a few times, as if to correct his vision. "I never noticed you were that way, son. I mean, I always pictured you being the best womanizer in town. Am I a bad father?"

Dean chuckled. "I'm still me, dad. I'm still the same Dean. It's just that I prefer Castiel over every woman I could have. And it's not up to me to judge that, but when was the last time you talked to Sammy?"

"Dean," John sighed. "Sam and I always butted heads. He was my last hope for keeping my shop going, but he didn't want it. He's a smart kid, I'll give him that. I just don't know what's going to happen to the family business once I'm gone."

"Sam is the smartest of his kind," Dean said. "You can't expect him to settle for a job as a mechanic. Besides, you won't have to worry about that in a long time. And when the time comes, Sam and I will make sure the business keeps running. We won't let you down."

John grinned, proudly. "I raised two great sons, didn't I? I will talk to Sam. I'm going to try to get through a conversation without any arguing."

"Good luck to you two."

Before John could say anything else, Castiel approached them.

Dean stood up, hopefully. "Can we see her?"

"Yes," Castiel said gladly. "You may go in to see your mother. She is awake and asking for her sons."

John stared at Castiel with a look of gratitude in his face, and then he turned to Dean. "Could I go in alone first?"

"Sure, dad."

"Thanks," John said. "Castiel, I hope you and Dean work things out. I'm not very well informed, but here's some advice. Don't wait until he's lying in bed at a hospital to tell him how much he means to you, and how much you want him back." John speeded down the hallways to Mary.

Dean stared blankly at his dad. He didn't know how to cope with the fact that he'd been right about his parents all along.

Cas took Dean's hand and slightly squinted his eyes. It was his way of saying I love you. Dean had his own way. Pulling Castiel from his hips and crushing their lips together. For a short amount of time, of course, because Cas was working.

***

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," Dean ordered his mom. "This has consequences, you know. You won't be able to get rid of me for a while."

"Even better," Mary said, directing her gaze to John, who had pulled a chair right next to her bed so there'd be the least possible distance between them. "I should end up at a hospital more often."

Sam grimaced. "Don't ever say that again."

Dean smirked. "Hey, Sam, would you look at that? Mom and dad are back together. Guess you were wrong, Mr. Impossible."

Sam rolled his eyes. "I can't predict the future. Why did you ever listen to me?"

"No, don't think you can get away with it so easy. You were wrong, and I was right."

Sam scowled at his brother. Dean backed off because he was also right about Ruby, but that was something he wasn't happy about.

"Quit bickering," Mary muttered. "You two are worse than an old married couple."

"We're not married anymore," John pointed out. "But we could change that."

Mary took a forceful breath. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just propose to me while I am in a half-opened robe, connected to an IV, at the hospital."

John snickered. "Right. I guess we'll have time for that when we get you out of here."

Dean had the chance to tell Mary all his accomplishments and goals for the future. He had decided to become a nurse, which might not be as great as being a doctor, but Dean knew he didn't have the patience to study for more than four years. He'd realized he liked being in hospitals, especially in this one. He wanted to do everything in his hands to help the sick, to feel useful. He also figured he would understand most of the nurses' lingo from all the Dr. Sexy he watched.

Mary looked so proud of Dean. It was as if she'd completely forgotten their last conversation. She didn't hold any grudges. She accepted Dean the way he was, and that only made him want to be better. There was no greater feeling for Dean than when he saw the look of pride in his mother's face. Dean reached down and managed to hug her without hurting her. She kissed his head, and Dean suddenly felt four-years old all over again. Protected, secured, and loved. So very loved.

***

Dean was running late again. He was late to his temp job at the mall. As a perfume sprayer. It was the only thing he could find. The pay was a little bit better than the one at the pizzeria. He had to dress up all nice and be polite to strangers, which took some time to get used to, but it happened.

Dean had been able to save up to pay for all his classes and books, and he would start school again soon. Dean hadn't had a sip of alcohol in months. He'd given his mom more visits than she cared for, and he'd been able to gain Jo's friendship back. But there was one thing he still couldn't get right, and that was punctuality.

When Dean opened the door, placing his second shoe on his feet, Sam stood with his hand in a fist, ready to knock.

"What are you doing here right now?" Dean asked hurriedly. "I'm already five minutes late."

Sam laughed. "Some things never change."

"Man, I've got to look rich. It takes time."

"I brought someone," Sam said, signaling someone in his car. A beautiful girl with blond curls running down her shoulders headed towards them. She smiled at Dean, with a most sincere expression on her face. She extended her hand to Dean, which he took without hesitation. "Dean, meet Jessica."

"It's so great to finally meet you, Dean," Jessica said. "I've heard so much about you from Sam. You're his favorite topic of conversation."

Dean didn't know who she was, but he instantly loved her. "I'm sure it's been nothing but good things."

Jessica chuckled. "I would consider your pie-eating record a good thing."

Dean winked; delighted by this lovely creature his brother had brought to him. "Where did she come from, Sammy?"

Sam smirked, sort of amused. "So get this, Ruby was cheating on me with her boyfriend. We met each other at this party. By that time, I wasn't all that upset about the betrayal."

"Looks to me like you won the lottery," Dean praised. "Doesn't the universe feel one demon lighter? Anyway, I would love to stay here and celebrate, but I've got to intoxicate people with perfume right now. Feel free to come in. This is your home and you are both welcome to use it for sex."

Dean drove away with a peacefulness he hadn't felt in a while. His brother was no longer attached to Ruby. His brother was his again, he could feel it. And he had a gorgeous sister-in-law who he couldn't wait to get to know better.

Life might have not been perfect, but it was starting to improve.

***

Dean pulled up in front of Castiel's house. He walked out and ringed the doorbell. Castiel didn't take long to open the door, and when he did, Dean offered him a bouquet of roses. This had been the corniest thing Dean Winchester had ever done, and it didn't bother him one bit.

Castiel took them, astounded by the gift. He pulled them up to his nose and closed his eyes in satisfaction by the wonderful scent. "These are lovely."

"I've always wanted to bring you flowers," Dean confessed. "I just didn't know if it would be over the top, or if you would even like them."

"Roses are my favorite type of flowers," Cas said. "This is truly magnificent."

Dean leaned in to kiss Castiel, making sure the rest of his body received enough attention from his hands. Castiel playfully bit Dean's lower lip. "You had onions, didn't you?"

Castiel kissed Dean again, allowing his tongue to dance inside Dean's mouth. Dean had never seen Castiel this playful before. "I might have ordered a pizza earlier today. I brushed my teeth very well. How did you guess?"

Dean grinned. "Baby, I know you."

"I love it when you call me Baby," Cas said, giving Dean's neck a small bite and then a kiss.

"Are you hungry?" Dean wondered. "You keep biting me this way and we won't make it out of the driveway."

"I just…really want you," Castiel confessed innocently. He bowed his head, as if he'd done something wrong.

Dean cupped Cas' head, caressing the messy hair behind it. "Dammit. The ways you tempt me. My mom is waiting for us. Now that we're, you know, official, she will not forgive me if I don't bring you home the right way."

Cas beamed at that. "Then I can wait."

"Problem is," Dean said, "I don't know if I can."

Castiel eyed the Impala behind Dean, and Dean turned to it at the same time. They looked at each other, and without any other words they headed to the car and drove away.

It was a desolate road, halfway to Mary's house, but it was good enough. Castiel made his way to the backseat first, and Dean followed quickly behind. Cas was working on Dean's zipper as Dean unbuttoned Cas' shirt.

Castiel stopped Dean's hand to give it a kiss. "We don't have time for this."

Dean grunted, as his hand was freed and Castiel reached into his pants. "There's always time for me to run my hands over your chest, baby."

"C'mon, Dean," Cas hissed. "I want you."

Dean loved it when Cas said that. It was like music to his ears. Dean pulled down Cas' pants, taking a grip of his currently hard dick and hardening it even more. Castiel gasped, his heavy breathing hitting Dean's face. Dean pumped it fast, savoring the beautiful expressions of pleasure on Castiel's face.

Cas sat up on the seat of the Impala, grunting with pleasure. He gripped onto Dean's shirt, pulling him close for a passionate kiss. Dean sped up the pace, pumping Castiel empty. Dean couldn't help and indulge in the pleasure radiating throughout his entire body. To have Castiel again, to have him entirely, to have their love being out in the open, to being such a girl about the entire situation and being alright with it. It was all overwhelmingly incredible.

"I fucking love you, Cas," Dean groaned. "What the hell did you do to me?"

Castiel breathed, trying to make sense of the words being spoken to him. "What. What did  _you_  do to me? A spell. An enchantment."

Dean would have laughed if he hadn't been too busy crushing his lips against Castiel's again and again until Castiel's lips were so wet they would never dry again. "Cas…"

In that instant, Cas came in Dean's hands. Dean watched, enthralled, becoming alert of the tightness in his own pants. Castiel growled, having recuperated fast from his orgasm, and freed Dean's package, making Dean gasp at all the wonderful feelings rushing to his lower section. Castiel smiled, running his smooth hands over Dean's hard-on and Dean rested his head on Cas' bare chest, giving small kisses to it. Castiel kissed his head, and Dean felt so close he could hardly think coherently, though he wanted Cas to know how much he loved him right in this moment, how much he'd always loved him.

Dean yelled, as loud and carefree as ever, spilling his seed all over Castiel's uncovered stomach. Castiel kissed his lips before wrapping his arms around Dean, protectively. They remained like that for a few more minutes, savoring every second together, enveloped in their warmth.

***

Dean and Cas made it to Mary's house eventually. They were both too high on themselves to notice the way they couldn't take their hands off each other. Forming any sort of pretext to caress their hands, or touch their hair, or stroke their faces.

Mary stared at them, fascinated by their level of intimacy. Dean's openness to their relationship was shocking even to him. After hitting rock bottom, all Dean was aware of was that he loved Cas and Cas loved him, and anything else was icing on the cake. Everything else he had—both good and bad—wouldn't interfere with that simple fact.

Outside of Cas, Dean still had things to fix, but he would no longer have to do it alone. He knew he had to help Ash so that he wouldn't go through the same things Dean went through. Dean felt guilty about dragging Ash down with him, but he wouldn't rest until that changed.

Sammy and Jessica were a match made from heaven. Dean couldn't be more fascinated with Jess, and he made sure Sam treated her right. Sam seemed to really enjoy Dean's approval of his new girl. For once, it reduced their fights, and also it allowed Sam to move back in with Dean.

As far as Dean knew, his life was made.

***

EPILOGUE:

"Why do you always leave the toilet seat up, Dean?" Castiel asked, aggravated.

Dean yawned, stretching on Castiel's large bed. "I forgot. Sorry."

Cas groaned. "You know it bugs me when I get out of bed half-asleep and I have to use the bathroom, and sometimes I like to sit because I'm so tired. But when you leave the toilet seat up I always fall in and it's rather nasty. You should consider changing that bad habit when you move in."

Dean rose up on the bed, wide awake and alert. "Did you just say what I think you said?"

Cas blinked, unaware of what part Dean was referring to. "I fell in the toilet?"

"No," Dean smiled and rolled his eyes. "The part where I move in here."

"Oh," Cas said, heading back to the bed. "I guess I haven't mentioned it to you, but I thought it was coming anytime now."

Dean focused on the haystack that was Castiel's hair for a moment, and then on the sharp blue of his eyes. "You want me to move in with you?"

"Do you want it in writing? Of course I do. I don't know how else to tell you."

"Cas," Dean murmured.

Castiel formed a worried crease on his forehead, frowning. "I didn't mean to pressure you. I thought you would want that. You spend most of your time here anyway."

"Well, that's not where I thought we were going from here."

Cas bit his lower lip, nodding slowly. "Okay, what did you have in mind?"

"I want to marry you," Dean stated, as sure as he'd never been before.

Castiel got up from the bed, a flush of red highlighting his cheeks. He tried to contain his smile, but surrendered to it after a few seconds. "Marriage?" Cas seemed to be debating whether to walk up to Dean or run to the piano or simply become a ball of emotions sprawled on the floor. "Do you want an actual wedding with the invitations and the guests and the band and the food?"

Dean nodded to everything. Hell, he wanted to experience every single thing worthy of experiencing next to Castiel. A wedding seemed like a good place to start. "What do you say? Would you like to marry me, Cas?"

Castiel opted for jumping up on top of Dean and drowning him with kisses. "Dean yes! Yes, of course I want to marry you."

Dean chuckled and rolled Cas over so that Dean was on top of him, trapping him down with his arms and legs. "I hope this isn't a deal breaker, but I can't guarantee I'll look this good eighty years from now."

Castiel reached up to run his lips on Dean's neck, wrapping his hands around his waist. "I think I'll take my chances."

The two of them, tangled up in each other, spent most of the day planning their future together. The horizon ahead of them seemed promising, and although not everything would be as perfect as this morning, they would endure every challenge headed their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wedding sequel: [The Sea and The Rhythm](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1063669/chapters/2133226)


End file.
